The Idiocracy Lives

Speaking of giant colons…  According to news sources, including Minnesota Public Radio correspondent Bob Collins (who personally witnessed the eyesore), this is an actual billboard overlooking I-45 in Minnesota and not, as was originally posited, a Photoshop job.  The sign was allegedly rented by a group of Twin Cities small-businessmen who wish to remain anonymous, although I can’t imagine why they wouldn’t want to publicly proclaim themselves purveyors of such topical wit.  Collins is on a mission to identify these fun-loving scamps, and were I a local resident, I would indeed be curious as to which businesses I should no longer be patronizing.

So while my response to the question at hand would be an unwavering, “hell no,” I will admit that it was jarring to see the original rube, that charismatic, nonsensical man-of-the-people, after so much recent overexposure to his sociopathic heir apparent, Sarah Palin.  The more things change, y’all…

 

Oh, Canada: How to Top a Giant Colon

In order to educate the public and combat the prevalence of colorectal cancer, the second-leading cause of cancer death in the country, Canada has taken the logical step of constructing a 40-foot-long touring colon.  The interactive colon, which according to this AOL report, resembles “a disturbing take on the traditional bouncy castle,” features informative video lectures on a variety of colon diseases as well as an (Italian?) muppet named Dr. Preventino.

If you would like to see a giant, inflated polyp, you can take a video tour here.  I can imagine that thousands of bored schoolchildren have forcibly toured the inflatable colon in the few years it’s been traveling through Canada, but I have a hard time imaging adults, who should be the real targets of colon health education, voluntarily spending a Saturday afternoon this way (“Hey, Hon!  Dr. Preventino and the giant colon are in town!  Let’s have an early lunch of leafy green vegetables, followed by a single aspirin and then walk briskly over to city center to check it out.”).

Of course, I haven’t been to Canada, so this could  be makings of a heady weekend, for all I know.  I don’t think it’s a bad idea, actually, just that they could have gone farther with it.  Why not tie it in with a waterpark, and construct a Journey Through A Urinary Tract Infection Slide, for example?  A cancer-cell versus radiotherapy shoot-’em-out game?  I see no reason that if South Korea can have a sex theme park, Canada couldn’t have an awesome public health theme park.  Everybody wins!

If you would like to get in on my public-health theme park, please submit your medical tie-in ideas for roller coasters, log chutes ,vertical drops, etc in the comments.  Canada’s Ministry of Health?  Have your people call mine and let’s make this happen.

 

NSFW: A Pillow Fort Never Looked So Sexy

Happy Friday, Y’all!                                       

I hope you all have excellent plans for the weekend and if you don’t then you better get you some.  As for me, I have an incredible weekend planned in San Francisco with the fanciest of gays known ’round here as SkinnyBoneJones and The Dashing M, with a special guest appearance by my homeskillet, BritneyCanadaWhore.  I know, I know it’s tough but try not to hate, you’ll just make wrinkles.  Ahhh, but don’t worry your pretty faces about it, I have some alternative weekend action JUST FOR YOU!

Allow me to present; Liberator Bedroom Adventure Gear!  More realistically known as: The Fanciest Sex Pillows You Will Ever Need!  (aka ‘Pushin’ Cushions’ if you’re hillbilly like that)

 

Here Is Your News, Distilled

Not that I mean to continually yank off of  Best Week Ever, but they did post this amazing video from Charlie Brooker’s Newswipe that is a pitch-perfect takedown of the composition of the modern news report.  While I’ve been subjected to a lot of background BBC recently (and honest to Dog, if this was playing on the telly while I was otherwise engaged, I wouldn’t cotton-on at all), I think it holds true for the American news report as well.  Watch, listen, and let your mind numb gradually to the dulcet tones of the standard news story.

Yeah, it’s perfect.  Right down to the punny sign-off.  Three cheers to modern, by-the-book television journalism.

 

I Am Not Ashamed

…of my love for Mel Gibson.  It’s true, well documented, been a fan for years.  I just saw this video clip of him doing an interview for his latest flick and getting prickly with the interviewer.  I know that bloggers are going to use this as just another reason to say he’s a dick, which is why I am posting it for my own reasons.  Seriously people, in the long running saga of celebrity missteps, Gibson’s transgressions pale compared to many.  Did he kill anyone?  No.  Did he beat anyone?  No.  Did he steal from anyone?  No.  He got drunk, got busted and got mouthy – these are daily lunchtime occurrences for some of today’s “stars”.

So, to Dean Richards from WGNtv I say, way to stay current by referencing some 4 year old shit and for that I would have called you an asshole too.  Moving on.

 

Going Feral

My Boy Person had to go out of town for five nights last week.  Since he moved in, he’s been job-hunting, so has taken on the vast majority of the housework during the day and, ’50s-style, has dinner on the table for me when I get home from the office.  Were he not bored senseless, and did we not need the money, I’d say it’s a pretty sweet set-up.  I’ve been doing some light cooking on the weekends (mostly egg-boiling) and some laundry here and there so as not to get totally spoiled, but he’s definitely taken over the day-to-day chores and I’ve been able to work later in the evenings (yay).

Before he left, he joked that he couldn’t imagine how I survived without him.  “Ha ha,” I said, and thwacked him, “I managed just fine living on my own for the last ten years, so I expect I’ll manage.”  What rubbish, right?  As though I am thoroughly undomesticated!

Except I forgot that I kind of am.  I had big plans for the week.  I was going to take a bubble bath, paint my nails, bleach and depilate my various ladyparts.  I was going to call my family at home to catch up since the holidays, hit two different exercise classes, and had grand notions of reorganizing the closet.  I even planned out my menu for the week (I did have vague recollections of how much I hate cooking when I get home from work), and bought stuffed pasta and pre-seasoned pork escalope and a head of broccoli I could steam in minutes.  It was going to be so productive and relaxing! 

 

Sarah Palin Still Making No Sense

I noticed the other night that Fox News is making the dreadful mistake of posting transcripts involving Sarah Palin. Now we all know how difficult it is to follow Sarah Palin while watching her speak. But seeing it in black and white — wow. I really think she must have a learning disability or she’s dyslexic or something. Feast your eyes on this exchange after the State of the Union:

VAN SUSTEREN: And Governor Palin, in terms of the speech, do you think he managed to reach across the aisle, even though you used the word “lecture,” are any Republicans persuaded, let’s try to work together?

PALIN: Not necessarily Greta, because the remembrance here has got to be that he and the Democrats, they’ve been in charge of Washington this last year. So the common sense reforms that he is looking to Republicans to join him on, he could have implemented many of those “common sense,” as he calls them, reforms all along. Nothing has stopped him from doing that.

His mention of offshore drilling, considering that, and new energy plants, and other things that do make a lot of sense, and I appreciate he mentioning those in the speech tonight. Those things that again are common sense he could have implemented. And I think that was a bit condescending as he spoke that received by Republicans, who are saying, wait, we wanted to do that all along. Where you been?

 

Tax & Regulate Cannabis 2010

If you live in California, please consider lending your support to this movement!  Click the email above or the link on the toolbar at right —->  Do it and I’ll love you forever in that special, special way.

 

Throwback Jam: Here We Go, Yo.

A Tribe Called Quest:  Scenario.  The Jam.

 

Jingle Jams

In December, Michelle Collins over at Best Week Ever turned up this amazing local advert for a perfume retailer ingeniously named the “Smells So Good Perfume Outlets.”

Quoth Michelle:

It was then that I discovered my Winter Jam of 2009. Never before had the epitome of luxury collided with the lowpoint of humanity in such a poetic and marvelous way. This youtube video, taped from directly off of someone’s TV, was the only online proof I could find of this work of art, and frankly its sh*tiness only heightens the dramatic effects of the commercial. It is the Andrew Cunanan of local ads.

Since I couldn’t possibly add anything more of value, I’ll leave her summation at that.  But it is also absolutely necessary to introduce those of you residing outside the UK to a (considerably slicker but no less beguiling) British contribution to the techno-commercial art world, that of We Buy Any Car (dot com).  Yes, you need sound: