Back when I was just a young teenaged girl, I had a pony. Her father was the grandson of a famous Canadian racehorse named “Man ‘O War” and her mother was a stout and ridiculously cute ex-Moor pony (see above). My aunt is horsey and had a farm and my father decided to pay the board for this interesting hybrid. Soon enough, I found myself on the show circuit, doing dressage and show jumping and point-to-point and all that stuff. Trust me when I say no one believes me today when I tell them I once rode to the hounds aboard a little thoroughbred-ex-Moor mix called Toots who was so ill-tempered that she came at people with her teeth bared every time they entered her stall.
One day Toots and I were entered into a big local equestrian event. And my period showed up without my knowledge. It was only my second period ever, and came months after the first one, so I had no clue what the signs were. It was a hot sweaty day so I felt sweaty all over and didn’t notice anything untoward. My aunt was the one who noticed, in horror, as I bent over in my saddle before our turn in the jumping event to lower my stirrups. I recall her shrieking in horror. Oh my.
I was so traumatized that I don’t even remember what happened next. Somehow I got cleaned up and a new pair of britches was found. I remember crying. I remember my pony, usually nasty and cantankerous, seeming to soften slightly and she gave me an uncharacteristically affectionate nuzzle as I climbed back on her, even though she still threw me head first over the second jump and disqualified us, as she always took great pleasure in doing.
It was the only bad period accident I’ve ever had, and I have actually never spoken or written of it until today. It was that traumatic. When I got back to the farm that night, I went to bed and cried hot tears of shame and embarrassment, wondering who else had noticed the gigantic crimson stain on my britches before my beloved auntie did.
Tell us, ladies — what’s your worst period story?
July 9, 2008 at 9:22 am
I’ll go first. 6th grade, I was one of the first people I knew to get my period. I was wearing jeans and a turtleneck. I stood up to get something from somewhere and I noticed a spot of blood on my seat. My devilish new friend had leaked all the way through my pants to MY SEAT! SUPREME EMBARASSMENT followed as I grabbed a pad from my backpack, shoved it in my pocket and mumbled something to my teacher about going to the bathroom as I ran out the door. Somehow, by the blessing of the gods you couldn’t see any bloodstains on my pants. I knew this whole period business would cause my problems the moment I got it.
July 9, 2008 at 9:23 am
Oh.My.God. That would have been horrific. No wonder you’ve never spoken of it Trix. My only cringe worthy period moment was when I first got it at thirteen and my mother wanted to see my undies. I was mortified then but it does not compare with your trauma.
July 9, 2008 at 9:29 am
Okay, first, let me say that the horse above looks very, very hipster. The hair!
My period showed up the summer before freshman year of high school and even though I knew what it was and I knew it was bound to happen and I was as preparded for it as I possibly could be, I still cried and cried and cried all morning and afternoon the day it showed up because I knew it was a miserable, stupid thing. So my mom went out and bought me Titantic (just released on VHS and DVD, we got the VHS) and chocolate and pizza from my favorite place.
And I’ll never forget how awkward it was when dad came home, knowing what had happened, and just looking at me and saying, “Uh, you feeling okay?” I just started crying more.
But I can’t remember a time when I had an accident or anything, other than in my bed.
July 9, 2008 at 9:30 am
HAHAHA PREPARDED.
July 9, 2008 at 9:32 am
I got my first one at a middle school dance in 7th grade. It leaked through and stained my acid-washed jeans (yeah, lots of white mixed with the blue denim doesn’t help conceal leaks). So, I ran to the bathroom, and ended up fashioning a pad out of toilet paper because none of my friends had anything with them. Then I untucked my shirt in an attempt to cover the stain.
Later, my friend Chris begged me to dance with him and then tried the ol’ “slide your hands down her back until they’re on her butt” trick to feel me up. And I freaked out because I was afraid he’d felt the giant wad of TP stuffed in my pants, and retreated to the bathroom for the rest of the night.
July 9, 2008 at 9:35 am
My worst was when I was working at this family church camp/hotel in high school. I got my period in my sleep and it ended up making a huge mess. It ruined my clothes and sheets. I stained the bed right down to the mattress. There was no way to hide it from the other girls or the laundry lady. The fact that it was church camp made it worse – because you know anything that comes from your ladyparts must be the devils work. I think everyone spent a long time praying for my soul.
July 9, 2008 at 9:40 am
Ugh. Well, there is nothing worse than getting your period while at school and realizing that you’re going to have to use the “pillow maxis” from the locker room that don’t actually absorb anything. “Anything” being the Nile flowing from between your legs. A mighty river that is impervious to tampons. Or am I the only one who had to deal with flow heavy enough to stage a murder scene if unstoppered? And don’t even get me started on the fact that I once took so many Ibuprofen for cramps that it started to hurt my kidneys. My cramps were so bad, I would be crying and sweating in class and thinking I might throw up or pass out.
AND since my mom had never had cramps that bad, she thought I was just being dramatic.
My period: the devil apparently.
July 9, 2008 at 9:47 am
Of course my story starts with wearing white jeans, the 80’s natch, and ends with me standing at the blackboard wondering what the hell everyone was laughing at.
July 9, 2008 at 9:48 am
Oh, Honorable Mayor, I feel (or felt) your pain. I was also plagued with a river-like flow (which ruined countless pairs of panties and pants) and debilitating cramps (I got sent home from school because a teacher was worried since I was doubled over and about to pass out). But then I got on the pill, and things have been much better since.
July 9, 2008 at 9:48 am
Well, I got my period (and body hair and stinkiness and zits and boobs) before everyone else in the fifth grade. (I actually told this story on Jez yesterday). One month, I had a HUGE stain on the back of my shorts and was up walking around and my teacher (female) didn’t say a fucking WORD. It wasn’t until after recess that one of my friends told me that I had a big stain on my pants. I think I pulled down my shirt to cover it and waited out the rest of the afternoon, but it was awful.
July 9, 2008 at 9:49 am
I’m still traumatized from an incident in 2005 involving khaki pants, tennis shoes, and a very heavy period.
July 9, 2008 at 9:52 am
Wait, can I talk about the time when I peed the bed when I was 16? I was on vacation at the shore, sleeping on a pull-out bed, drank too much Nestea Iced Tea, had a dream where I was sitting on a toilet and peeing, but there was Saran-Wrap on the toilet. And I was so confused in my dream, like, “Wait, why isn’t my pee going into the toilet?”
Turns out, I was wetting myself. Like a big ol’ pee-pee pants. I got so mad. But my mom woke up when I was trying to clean everything off and just helped me out and never said a word about it.
And that was the last time I peed my pants.
July 9, 2008 at 9:56 am
meaghan: totally! that horsie is about two inches away from hipster bangs. hipster horsie bangs!
i don’t have a story, but i remember once in my earth science class in middle school, this girl (who was known as the recluse, quiet, moody, kool-aid dyed hair, awkard hot topic necklace chains girl) got up from her seat when we broke for lunch and i noticed a little red spot on the back of her pants. thinking that i would want someone to tell ME if i was leaking or unexpectedly getting it early, i walked over to her, took her by the arm and gently and quietly told her what i saw. maybe she was creeped out by me, maybe it was because i never spoke a word to her prior, but the the little bitchtit rudely replied, “um…THANKS?” with so much attitude. i was so shocked. like dude, i’m doing you a fuckin favor, don’t give me that shit. she almost ruined my hope in the sisterhood of us period-stricken girls. it’s what pre-teen movies are made of!
July 9, 2008 at 9:58 am
Well, the only thing that eventually defeated the flow and cramps issue was sex. I started having more of it, and my cramps subsided. Now I have a normal period. It’s science! Therefore it’s true!
July 9, 2008 at 9:59 am
@angiesyounglover: Looks like we found the inspiration for Horse the Band. Also, that girl sounds like a fucking asshole. Maybe she dyed her cooch with red Kool Aid and was weirded out by you thinking it was her ladiesdays.
July 9, 2008 at 10:02 am
That last comment was directed toward Dorothy Zbornak.
Truculent, the same thing happened to me in P.E. in 9th grade. No one said a WORD. Horrifying.
July 9, 2008 at 10:08 am
@meaghan: i may or may not have been a little cliquey to her and hers at one point during our angst filled days in junior high. but, seriously? all bets are off when it comes to matters of the flow. i was trying to break down barriers and come together in a very beatles way. she just wasn’t having it.
July 9, 2008 at 10:16 am
Thankfully I don’t ever remember my crimson tide showing up on my clothing, but I do remember some really embarrassing times in high school when my cramps got so utterly debilitating that I started crying in my seat DURING CLASS! I hurt too much to walk and I didn’t want to say anything, so I just sort of writhed in my seat with my face in agony, hoping no one would notice. Thank dog for BCPs, because I’ve never had to deal with those cramps again since. (That’s birth control pills not buttercup punch!)
July 9, 2008 at 10:17 am
Right when I first started using tampons, even though I was like 20 (my mom had put the fear of god in me about them because she said they were really dangerous, which… I mean, sure, if you never change ’em or something, but anyways), I didn’t really know the deal with when you oughtta remove them. At the time, I was using applicator ones, which I was never quite able to get in right (hence the switch to o.b.). So I went to take it out, and I guess it wasn’t quite ready because THE DAMN THING RIPPED IN HALF. I was mortified and couldn’t find the other half. I was sure I was going to die or something, but once I had calmed down it naturally made its way out.
July 9, 2008 at 10:20 am
@The Mayor: No way, dude, you are not alone. When my period first started, and probably for like the first 5 years, it was terrible. My mom wouldn’t let me use tampons at first, and so I was scared of them because she told me all these horror stories, and so I was changing my pad like 5 times a day during school, and also having these terrible digestive problems. It’s pretty normal now, though a little on the irregular side.
July 9, 2008 at 10:33 am
It involved my stepmother telling me that not only was I careless for having a leak, but that “men had special glands” that would “let them smell it” and know that I was, yknow, unclean.
Thanks, lady!
July 9, 2008 at 10:34 am
@katekateissquared: My mom was the same way. She wouldn’t let me use tampons until I proved myself “responsible.” God knows what that meant. It didn’t help that at some point my cousin got one stuck and had to go to the emergency room to have it removed.
I used to use the overnight maxis, 2 at once, placed side by side every day during my period until I was about 26. Good times! Hahaha..
July 9, 2008 at 10:38 am
kat–That’s actually really fucking disgusting. WTF?
July 9, 2008 at 10:41 am
@kat: Dear GOD, that would be awful. I’ve heard that lions can smell a menstruating woman, but dudes are not nearly as intuitive as lions.
July 9, 2008 at 10:43 am
@katekateissquared: my bff in jr.high had a very similar sitch, she had never used tamps before and after extolling their virtues to her like a crack dealer one day, she decided that my house would be the place for her ‘first time’. so she’s in the bathroom for almost 30mins and then I hear her hollering for me through the door – when I go to see what’s wrong, she won’t open the door but she is freaking out and crying on the other side. I finally get her to calm down a bit and tell me what the hell is happening and she says, “omg I am so scared! this thing is HUGE! it will never go in! I don’t know what to do waaaaaaaah!”
I’m standing there soooo confused because I know she is in there with a regular lil’ old tampax so wtf? turns out she thought the entire thing (applicator and all) was supposed to go up there and consequently was having kittens.
July 9, 2008 at 10:44 am
My first period arrived on the morning of my 13th birthday, right before my roller skating party. Happy Birthday to Me. Good Times.
July 9, 2008 at 10:44 am
We can haz Toots post plez! That sounds like one hell of a horse Tootsie and that she actually showed an iota of rare compassion just makes your ordeal all the more poignant for me.
Boobs arrived in 3rd grade, period arrived in 4th grade and somehow I managed to make it all the way to junior high before I had an accident. I was getting off the bus to babysit several little heathern boys, when I felt that dreaded leaky feeling. Of course I was in the fashionable blue-white pin-striped overalls of the early 80’s – not a damn thing to do to cover this mess up. I had a long time to babysit and nothing but toilet paper, which wasn’t doing anything to stop the mess. And I couldn’t find ANY pads or tampons in their house!! I did grab a long-sleeve shirt and tie around my waist to hide the bloody disaster. It was about a mile through the woods to my parent’s house, so off I go hiking with these 3 heathern children for a change of clothes and my pads/tampons. I lost track of how many times I said “shut up and hike” that afternoon!
July 9, 2008 at 10:45 am
@truc: Yeah, she has some major issues. Luckily, I thought it was kinda bullshit even at the time, but it wasn’t until, oh, college that I realized that evvvveryone has ‘accidents’, and that getting your period is nothing that needs to be whispered about and hidden. Nowadays I cringe when I see girls hide their tampons like they’re crack vials.
But yeah, pretty effed up, right?
July 9, 2008 at 10:46 am
@katekate: It’s actually kind of funny. Special menstrual-seeking glands!
July 9, 2008 at 10:46 am
@katekateissquared:
Also bears. “Bears can smell the menstruation!!”
July 9, 2008 at 10:46 am
@katastic: that is heinous, what a bitchy thing to do. I didn’t even tell my moms for about a year after I started my period – we weren’t close like that and I didn’t really need her help so I figured it out on my own and just casually told her in the car one day. she was all kinds of pissy about it.
July 9, 2008 at 10:47 am
I’ve told this story before, but I was at a staff meeting and got up to leave and there was a huge blood spot on the nice fabric chair. Everyone at the meeting saw it. My boss grabbed some paper towels and said not to worry because “she was used to cleaning up after her dogs that crapped everywhere.” I was so humiliated.
July 9, 2008 at 10:50 am
My worst story happened well into adulthood. I’ve been using tampons since I started my period at 13. I got my cycle at my 13th birthday pool party, but with a tamp I was good to go. Tampons carried me thru countless dance recitals, summer camps, swim competitions, pep rallies and performances in school musicals. My cycle started out erratic but some low-dose BC pills fixed that.
When I began teaching 3rd grade at age 25, I switched from Tampax to OB tampons. I loved the applicator-free compact discreteness of OBs. And when you teach, you are so busy doing teacher-related errands you only get like 5 minutes to pee at recess and lunch. OBs helped make a change quick and quiet.
Well, I also started having sex pretty regularly then, too. So of course, I’m in the middle of teaching and one of my students yells, “Teacher, your leg is bleeding!” and all the kids start yelling “OMG! Call 911! Our teacher is bleeding!” and my little emergency monitor leaps towards the phone and I’m trying to calm the 7 and 8 yos down to no avail. Once I regained some sense of order, I hollered over to a random teacher who happened by my classroom and yelled, “Female Emergency!” and almost immediately she swooped into my classroom and I scooted off to the loo. Apparently, my OB had shifted because it was damn near dry and I had heavy flow day running down my leg (and new linen pants!). One of my fellow teachers heard the news and she wrapped me in a large coat and escorted me to the nurses office. For once, my Nazi-bitch of a principal was understanding and let me split the class up so I could race home to change, rather than making me pay for a half-day sub.
The worst part was explaining to my frightened students what happened in an age appropriate manner. In the end, I told them that girls and boys are different and sometimes girls bleed and its totally normal and No, Johnathan, I’m not going to die.
July 9, 2008 at 10:50 am
@HistoricUpstart: Don’t forget sharks!
July 9, 2008 at 10:52 am
@kadinsky: HAHA, wow. I don’t feel nearly as stupid now. It’s funny–before I used tampons, I thought they were kind of gross, and now the thought of using pads is just absolutely vile to me. I have a hippie friend who uses washable cotton pads, which also squicks me out.
July 9, 2008 at 10:53 am
This didn’t happen to me, but a funny period story:
A friend was casting a musical, and this woman walks in to audition in a very slinky, nice skirt- the kind you can’t have panty lines in. She’s singing her song, and the last note is a real whopper, and the woman kills it- the sound is incredible, the whole room is ringing with it, and just as she reaches the end of it-
thwap.
Out falls her tampon, on to the floor.
The woman very calmly (considering) reaches down, picks up the tampon, says, “Thank you!”, and walks out.
Normally I would not believe this story, but you do have to release your pelvic muscles to sing really high, and my friend swears up and down that it’s true.
Good times.
July 9, 2008 at 10:54 am
@ms.marvelous: Oof. That would SUCK.
July 9, 2008 at 10:56 am
So, not exactly a messy period story, but more of a dangers of the period story…I started using tampons in high school, and like many a teenager, I was forgetful sometimes. So I forgot about one and left it in there for a pretty long time (can’t remember exactly, but more than 12 hours). And I ACTUALLY came down with TSS…my MALE pediatrician (who, BTW, is the son of Kurt Vonnegut, oddly enough) started asking me all these questions about my period and my tampon use. Of course, I was mortified by that exchange (and my mother thankfully quickly switched me to a female gyno after that), but even worse was the fact that later my schoolmates found out about what kept me out of school for a week. Nothing like the snickers of mean girls who think that you’re the ultimate in unhygenic practices. The thing is, TSS is really just a form of staph infection, and while it could have been the tampon, it could have been somehting else. And lord knows that I didn’t really learn my lesson and have left it in there for long periods in adulthood (pun intended, hehe)!
July 9, 2008 at 11:01 am
CeeJee I feel for ya!! Little kids (that aren’t yours) and periods are a perplexing mix…what do you say to them!?
July 9, 2008 at 11:05 am
@victorinemeurent: Your semi-famous doctor reminded me of my first gynecologist who had put himself through medical school as an Elvis impersonator. He had photos of himself in costume all over the office and even sold video tapes of himself in the lobby.
July 9, 2008 at 11:06 am
@CeeJeeMcBeeGee: “FEMALE EMERGENCY!”
hilarious and awesome that the other teacher just knew your cry for help and sprang into action. this will be how I ask my gf’s for tamps from now on.
July 9, 2008 at 11:09 am
I started using the keeper a few years back (my body just pushes tampons out) and was commuting to work in a nice skirt suit en route to an interview. A sudden sneeze attack came on and I heard this PLOP! noise and looked down on the subway floor to see a small puddle of blood. Apparently that sneeze had forced it to shift, unleashing a flood wall that mere cotton panties couldn’t dam. I gasped, which made other people notice, and was frozen trying to decide what to do. Do I shift two feet to the left and pretend I didn’t see it? Too late for that. Clean it up? I didn’t have a kleenex or newspaper. Instead, I ran for my life when the doors opened at the next stop and had to beg napkins off a street vendor to clean the rest of the blood off my legs.
July 9, 2008 at 11:10 am
1st period: back seat of my Dad’s Buick. I had on my cutest Clueless inspired plaid skirt (it was my first day of 7th grade). Dad didn’t talk to me for a week…I don’t know if he was more upset about cleaning the car or my “becoming a woman.”
Icky story: 10th grade Algebra II. In a khaki skort (it was the only way to jazz up the uniform). I felt heavy cramps but stayed in my seat because I didn’t feel anything else. 45 minutes later the bell rings and I go to stand up and there’s blood caked to my skort, thighs, AND a puddle in the seat. I had to walk to a friend’s locker and use her boyfriend’s flannel to tie around my waist. I slithered into my next class about 25 minutes late (had to clean up) only to have some douche yell across the room asking where I’d been. I gave him my patented side eye glare of death and when my teacher asked for a note she got one too.
July 9, 2008 at 11:14 am
HamHot….HORRIFYING! Also, what is this Keeper of which you speak?
July 9, 2008 at 11:14 am
When I got my first period I rushed home to tell my mother that I had hemorrhoids.
July 9, 2008 at 11:16 am
Hi, this is my first post.
During my first term at university, my friends and I were invited out to a club with a group of boys we’d been circling for some time. We were stupidly excited, and the night went really well. The club didn’t ID, we managed to find a cab which would take ten people, and once we got back to our building some of us went to a friend’s room to hang out for a while. About an hour later I went to bed, only to find that at some indeterminate point during the night, I had bleed out all the way through to the seat of my jeans. And denim is absorbent. It covered most of my behind.
Thankfully nobody noticed, because we were in darkened rooms for most of it. But all I could think was I’d been sitting on my friend’s bed for ages. I never did find out if I stained her duvet, because two days later she dropped out. Hopefully not because of me.
July 9, 2008 at 11:21 am
@hamburgerhotdog: holy hell, that is awful. also, hai!
@Amoureuse: ahaha, too funny!
@FuzzyDunlop: welcome :)
July 9, 2008 at 11:22 am
@FuzzyDunlop: Thank God for dark rooms! And dark pants, yes, those have come in handy a time or two.
July 9, 2008 at 11:23 am
I got my period on my friends 13th birthday. She was having a sleepover and her mom was my 5th grade teacher. While my mom showed me the basics, I have really funny fond memories of being taught by my former 5th grade teacher about using tampons. It was such a teenage girl slumber party event. Complete with the kid brother trying to listen to our conversations and being completely grossed out.
I don’t have any really bad horror stories except once I was out on a deep sea fishing boat (with only one other woman)and got my period so I had to fashion a toilet paper pad. I was really worried that I was going to be up for reeling in something massive and the toilet paper would come flying out of my loose pants. But it ended up being a sucky fishing trip and I didn’t even get a chance.
July 9, 2008 at 11:24 am
Kat, our step-mothers would have gotten along great! Mine was crazy too, and had me scared shitless about tampons killing me if I used them. She finally relented on her anti-tampon stance when I was going on vacation with my older sister during the summer and was going to have my period, which would have made swimming very, um, interesting.
Beside the occasional surprise encore I get a day or so after my period ends these days (usually at work when I’m least expecting it – my dry cleaner probably thinks I’m an absolute idiot), the worst was 7th grade. It came on completely unexpectedly (as it often did back in those days) and before I realized I had to do something about it, my jeans were soaked through and my ugly green plastic chair was all smeared with blood. Thankfully, I had a windbreaker that I could tie around my waist to get home, but I still to this day have no idea how many people saw the evidence of my womanhood that day.
This all reminds me of the Monty Python skit where they’re trying to leave a party, and the woman says something like, “Well, it’s a long train ride home, and I’ve got my period. I wouldn’t want to be bleeding all over the seats.”
July 9, 2008 at 11:37 am
I don’t have any brutal school incidents to report (just the standard “female emergencies” requiring MacGyver-esque skills and a lot of TP), but I do have stories of pets digging through trashcans and unearthing used pads/tampons, dragging them into public, populated spaces, and chew-chew-chewing the bloody hell out of them.
This is just one reason why I use a DivaCup (which, like the Keeper, is a reusable device that looks like a little goblet-y thing and you put in your catbag to catch, but not absorb, yo’ flo’). Nothing for kitties to go digging for!
July 9, 2008 at 11:44 am
@amazonredheadheadedubervixen: 1) Damn, woman. Your name sure is long. 2) Your Monty Python mention reminds me of …
July 9, 2008 at 12:01 pm
oh god. so many accidents dude. SO MANY. i cant even talk about it because the memories are awful.
lets just say that i thought you started counting on the LAST day of your period, so i was always surprised. FURTHERMORE, i was heavy flo jo’ for like the first FIVE DAYS of my period (which lasted usually anywhere between 7 and 10 days) oh lordy lord lord. it was the fucking worst thing ever.
July 9, 2008 at 12:08 pm
@PhDork: My dog thinks used feminine products are candy. He eats even the most well hidden used tampon if they are in a doggy-level trashcan. EATS. As in swallows and then craps out. My poor visiting sister-in-law almost died of embarassment when we were walking the dog on Sunday. He pooped a tampon I said “That’s so weird, I don’t have my period.”
July 9, 2008 at 12:16 pm
@ Mayor of Bethville: This is the keeper: http://www.keeper.com/
which I’ve since mastered and now love, but just like every other product on the market, expect the occasional leak (usually not as bad as listed above) or snafu. Pantyliners recommended.
July 9, 2008 at 12:22 pm
Thanks for that, Mayor. I wish I could hear it, but I can’t listen at work! Waaaa! Delayed gratification!
July 9, 2008 at 12:31 pm
My worst period story? My FIRST period lasted TWO WEEKS! Imagine, embarking on womanhood, feeling like one of my teenaged sisters at 12, only to have it drag on for TWO WEEKS of heavy bleeding and what seemed like exsanguination of my young self. Uh, THIS….EVERY MONTH?
During that time I went to a picnic complete with yard games and yes, you guessed it, got the “education” on what one can and cannot do with that tuna barge of a pad between her legs. Ironically, a friend I had been at odds with (and who we all knew “blossomed early”) was the girl who washed out my panties in the ladies’ room, found a spare pad somewhere and told me, “I can’t wait until my mom says I can use tampons.”
July 9, 2008 at 12:41 pm
No accidents here, but talk about creatures who know you’re on the rag…
Last spring I was in the British Virgin Islands, snorkeling with my friends. We’d been out all morning snorkeling around these giant rock formations and checking out all of the cool exotic fish. There’s one fish – a bottlenosy lookin’ thing that looks an awful lot like a barracuda. So we kept kidding around, “I saw a school of small barracudas!” etc.
It was all reallll funny until we were waiting to get back in the boat.
There’s me with a tampon crammed up me, waiting behind my friends climbing the ladder. So I’m still underwater and I’m eye to eye with a REAL barracuda, who’s at least 3-4 feet long, and he’s midway under the boat, just hovering and checking me out.
Thank god that was my last day with Aunt Flo.
July 9, 2008 at 12:51 pm
@Hamburger…Oh hell, you have just reinforced my paranoia over accidents with those things. I doubt I’ll EVER get the nerve to try one.
July 9, 2008 at 12:55 pm
Uh, my mom wouldn’t “let” us use tampons either – she still hates them. It must be a generation thing? One day, TheGuvnah was like “dude, I’m just going to buy them myself. Don’t tell mom.” So I think years went by before she realized we had switched to them.
I have the standard leak stories – including a particular memory of waking up in my dorm freshmen year and not realizing for the first 20 minutes that I had bled through overnight, and my lame roommate didn’t tell me!), but nothing too terrible.
July 9, 2008 at 1:01 pm
@greenEyedDevil: Yeah it was awkward. But they all were so concerned I was going to die, they didn’t even ask “why do girls bleed”. I just brushed it off nonchalantly like “Oh, girls are different, we bleed once a month, it’s no big deal, it makes us special” and they seemed releived.
@kandinsky: Oh we had codes for everything. After 9/11, like 20 teachers had babies and they were all nursing and if one had to pump ASAP, they’d call a colleague on speakerphone and say, “Mrs. So-and-So, I need to milk the cow, can you watch my class?”
July 9, 2008 at 1:24 pm
Oh, and once, the string on my tamp broke, and I had to have my mom fish it out… with ice cube tongs. Wackiness ensued.
July 9, 2008 at 1:24 pm
@BlondeGrlz: Wow. you’re cooler-headed than I would be. Although really, used tamps aren’t any grosser than dog poo.
July 9, 2008 at 1:35 pm
My first period, I honest to god thought I was dying. I don’t remember the incident. But evidently I told my mom that I was going to die and that she had to take me to the hospital immediately or I was going to call the police. Well this went on for a very long time. Until finally I accepted her explanation.
I did scream and cry in front of my entire family…well at least my little sister knew what to expect.
Mostly I just had really heavy period and could never tell when they were going to start. But of course they always started at night so I would end up bleeding all over my Pjs and sheets.
July 9, 2008 at 1:36 pm
I had a couple, but the worst/best one was my sophomore year in high school. I’d lost my virginity (to my 21 year-old bf who my mother forbade me to date) and naturally was freaked out that I was pregnant because although we TRIED to use a condom, it didn’t work and he pulled out.
Anyway, it was Honors English and we were watching “Excalibur.” After getting all hot and bothered by the sex scenes, I thought I might’ve finally gotten it (felt kinda crampy, etc.) What I didn’t realize is that I had gotten it so heavy, it soaked through everything and left a mess on the chair.
Still, there are few times in this life that I had ever been so happy to have my period.
July 9, 2008 at 1:41 pm
@HHD: OOOOH, I see. It’s basically like the Diva Cup.
I just switched to that. So far, so good. But I’m keeping an eye out for options.
July 9, 2008 at 1:51 pm
HamburgerHotDog: That one might win the prize. Jesus.
GreenEye: Toots really was a character. Astoundingly beautiful, with the bay colouring of the Ex-Moor but the sinewy leanness of a thoroughbred, but she was a total equine cuntbitch. I will blog about her again.
July 9, 2008 at 2:04 pm
@PhDork: The first time he did it I freaked out. I called the vet, convinced my dog was going to die from period bacteria or something. The vet was like “Oh, dogs do that. Just try to keep the trash can out of reach.” It’s harder than is sounds because he really CAN smell them. Used tampons and cat crap are his two favorite snacks.
I have a really weird dog.
July 9, 2008 at 3:27 pm
[How do i change my userpic?]
worst period was when my friend took me out for crepes after a night of crying over my broken heart and a SURPRISE visit to a modeling agency. During crepes I got my period and stained my dress had to wear a god awful sweatshirt (p.e. style)
jesus christ warn a lady!
July 9, 2008 at 3:34 pm
You guys are cracking me the fuck up. I have no stories, I faintly recall sweatshirts tied around waists, toilet paper “pads” and that time the HR Manager shut my desk drawer, hissing that it “upsets the guys if they have to look at that”, that = tampons.
July 9, 2008 at 4:04 pm
@Trixie: Oh hooray, she sounds wickedly delightful and I hope you were never injured from her temper/antics. Sorry I typed “Tootsie” in the earlier post, I was so delighted over your horse I wasn’t proofing very well! End of semi-thread-jack… :)
July 9, 2008 at 9:23 pm
HamHot: You win. Holy hell.
Paisley: From now on, I will refer to maxi pads as “tuna barges.”
July 9, 2008 at 9:46 pm
Was out of tampons. Stuck a pad to a thong. Pad was kinda old and the adhesive stuff was dried out. Walking down the street. Movement of my legs shifts the inadequately adhered pad around and eventually works it loose. Pad FALLS THE FUCK OUT from under my skirt onto the sidewalk.
Fortunately this happened in NYC on a busy afternoon and no one appeared to notice as I scooped it up and ran off down the street. Or maybe they did and, well, it was NYC so no one felt it worthy of comment.
July 10, 2008 at 1:48 am
Aw! I have no horrible period stories but like the pony (an “Exmoor” by the way, meaning it comes from Exmoor, a moor that the river Ex passes through) – what a combination.
Your tale is the teenage, pony-riding me’s worst nightmare.
July 10, 2008 at 3:18 am
Exmoor. Not Ex-Moor. They aren’t former Moors.
July 28, 2008 at 10:42 pm
ok well this one is bad. I had been getting mine for about two years now and I was a cheerleader. One day during practice both of my arms and hands had been crushed during and excercise. They imeadiatly took xrays and imeqdiatly put on a temporary but solid cast on both arms. To make up for my pain my mother took me shopping for a some very expensive new clothes. After that she dropped me and a girlfriend off at a friend ours house who was a guy. He had a friend also. We were mutual friends. So we all decided, even with my casts on both arms that we would go swimming. It went fine. Then my something came up and my girlfriend had to leave abruptly. Then his friend had to go home also. So then it was me and him. Then I said I’ll go get changed in the bathroom ok? He said fine and waited outback. I got inside and realized that these casts were harder to maneuver than expected. I freaked and started to panik. I had to pee , had to put in a fresh tampon any get changed into the new clothes from my mother. The casts proved too much. I just couldn’t do it. Since my friend had left my guy friend was my only option. I couldn’t just ruin perfectly good clothes and to home sopping wet. Soooo embarrased I called him in and explained to him what happened. He was cool with it and helped me take off my bathing suit and help me put on new clothes. Also I had to teach him how to put in the tampon in my vagina cause I of course couldn’t reach the right angle cause of the flippin cast. He did fine. He put it right up there. I felt Sooo embarrassed. After I tried to play it off as a joke and we both laughed. I think he had had enough for one night.
October 6, 2009 at 5:00 pm
Wow Jill, that’s an amazing story! There must be something special between the two of you if he was willing to help you like that and not totally freak out, and you trusted him enough to. After the initial embarrassment he sounds like a friend for life.
January 7, 2010 at 1:10 am
OMG you poor thing! Ive heard of people having to have someone else put a tampon in them [first time users with no pads etc] but to have to get a guy friend to put one in! I would let my boyfriend but i just wouldn’t be able to ask a guy!
August 17, 2008 at 12:42 am
My two nameless friends and I all got our periods last year, in the fifth grade. We were all miserable and mortified but we made up codenames for our lady products so we could consult safely with eachother in the classroom, for instance,
Pad=Track Shorts
Large Pad=My Track Shorts are too small.
Small Pad=My Track Shorts are a bit big.
And stuff like that.
September 27, 2008 at 10:29 pm
So I had been dating this guy for a while now and keep in mind we were only 16 so he still lived with his parents. They liked me tho so I stayed there alot. One time when they were asleep we went downstairs to the bathroom on the otherside of the house. After someforeplay we started to have some fun. I wasn’t sposed to have my period for two weeks. We shut the lights off and started to have sex. It was the most powerfull time we had done it. I even thought I came ! Well after about an hour we fell asleep there and when we woke up we were shocked to see I had my period and there was blood eveywhere. Whoops. That’s a clean up job I’ll never forget
October 2, 2008 at 3:53 pm
I’ve never had a really embarrassing moment, but I was so mortified when the Red Sea came around for the first time that I asked my mom to tell my dad that he wasn’t allowed to talk to me that day beyond “hi”. Instead she told him that he could give me one hug and call me his big girl. I was FURIOUS! Er, that is, until she brought me a peace offering of chocolate truffles.(=
October 25, 2008 at 3:04 am
Oh boy… period stories!
I got mine in 6th grade. I woke up one morning and without any cramps or anything, noticed a spot of brownish blood on my white panties. I felt awful because I was such a tomboy and didn’t want to “grow up.” Boy, was I dreading Aunt Flo!
I called my mom and she checked my underwear (thanks, ma!), and then gently slapped me on the face (weird family tradition.. don’t ask). I was so mad at myself for getting my period! I didn’t tell my dad for about a year after that; he never suspected a thing! When I look back now I laugh at how silly I was. Now my dad and I (as well as everyone else) talk freely and openly about my period, because Lord knows I have lots to say! Heh.
Anyway, the only embarrassing period moment I can think of was in 7th grade during lunch. I was wearing really nice white Gap pants, and was sitting at the lunch table with my legs hanging over each side of the bench. My friend took one look, and saw the blood in my crotch area, told me about it, and I thanked her profusely and ran off to the bathroom to do an emergency TP pad situation.
Good times.
December 2, 2008 at 4:03 am
Reading this blog makes me feel a hell of a lot better about being a girl. At least I know I’m not alone in the crazy world of monthly malfunctions. I seem to have a new horror story every time mother nature comes to visit.
When I first got my period at 11 it all happened like clock work and for the first three years I though it was all a breeze. I was sure it would stay that way until I was way way older.Boy was I ever wrong.
The summer I turned 15 that’s when it all changed. My visits because less regular ;I’d have two periods in a month, one would be extremely light and last about three days and then a week later I’d get a super heavy one(which is odd for someone as lanky as I am). My horror story happened on one such occasion.I was just had a light visit and knew the next would be super heavy. I was expecting it any day now…turns out it came early. That’s right, smack in the middle of biology class I felt a sudden gush between my legs; that pathetic feeling of someone slowly bleeding to death. Seating at the back of the class I waited until the teacher turned to write on the white board before quietly sneaking out of the classroom and running to the girls backroom. I ran into a stall and the moment I sat on the toilet it was as if someone had turned on a tap inside me. I was so scared I really thought I was bleeding to death and the fact that bloody clumps were coming out didn’t help matters. I was glad I’d brought my bag with me, I just sat there for what seemed to me hours (really it was about 30 minutes) thinking I’d surely bleed to death and I’d find my body on the toilet. Eventually the bleeding became lighter and I put on a kotex pad(yup the super bulky uncomfortable ones that feel like you’re ridding something). I didn’t go back to class I just want home(which wasn’t too far from the school thank god) I spend the rest of the day changing pads every 20 minutes. It was the worse day ever! Believe it or not when I went to the doctors to check if something might be wrong they told me that although it was weird that I should be bleeding so much there wasn’t anything actually wrong with me …it was normal.
August 23, 2009 at 9:54 pm
OMG!!!! I feel your pain girls…I think the worst time was in French in gr.11…jejus it was THE day of semi-formal, I alread had the rag so i had a pad in, teacher asks a question and i raise my hand while thelast eprosn is ifnishing up, i get up to goto the board feel the tell tale “wetness”…DROP back down in my seat with my brian thinking a mile a minute trying to figuer out wtf I shoudl do, so the treacher notices im stillsitting and tells me to come up,and im like uh noactually i’d rather not, and shes loking atme like wtf cuz i volunteered right…oh GOD…the WORST minute of my life with the WHOLE CLASS staring at me (me of course wanting to crawl into a hole and die…) where she kept telling me “its ok, come on and answer it” and im continuously going “no i REALLY dont want to” putting MORE and MORE emphasison the REALLY…and then the guy next to me (sooo nice and funny and SMART) i think he figured out what must have been wrong or he didn tand was just trying to be a help he looked at her like “she REALLY doesnt want to…but i’ll answer for her”, so hegot up and did the question…holy shit i coudl have KISSED him…i then had to wait for everyone to leave, putmy chair up real fast so no one woudl see the blood on it, and loosend my backpack straps so it washanging down to my thighs…walked out stood against the wall,and waited for my girlfriend to come out and got her to walk behind me the whole way to my locker…and then that night at semi i was SO freaked after that i was “checking” every fuckng half hour…god…death looked SOOOOOOO good right then…
January 7, 2010 at 12:09 am
Your story is so similar to my own embarrasing moment! My first period came one day just before my riding lesson, my horse was saddled and waiting so i ducked in the float to change ijn to my joddies – ahh! Big mess all over grey underwear . . .ok what do i do . . i decided i would pretend as if nothing happened [they were black joddies – thankfully!] and thank god nothing did. After my lesson i ran inside and changed and told my mother [wow, that’s an embarrasing moment for any girl] and she got me some pads. The rest of the day there was very little evidence . .
The next day i had a competiton, and not knowing any better i put a fresh, clan pad on before i got on the horse. No problems, and i got a clear round – very happy :) So sitting there waiting for the next round was painful. It was a hot, hot day and i could feel myself sweating and what would of been about 3 hours after i got on, i went in for my second round. Trotting around the practise ring my butt felt wet and squishy every time a foot hit the ground! After i warmed up i went and stood near the gate, just ‘checking’ i kind of stood/twisted to look at my butt [trying to do it so no one could tell!] well the look that must of been on my face! Huge, huge stain! Again with the ‘what do i do?!’ So i trotted back [SITTING TROT!!! LOL] Back to the float and dumped my horse on my mum and ran inside!
She tried to make me feel better, ‘If anyone noticed they would of said something,’ ‘Mum i was rising trot around the ring infront of a several grandstands full of people – i think people saw!!!’
I did find some more joddies, as ungly and too big as they were, but i got eliminated from the event as i missed my round :(
Since i have never worn a pad on a horse, i use tampons just about all the time – s much better! And when i do ride, i have a pad for backup – a super absorbent one!
March 24, 2011 at 6:42 pm
happened with my teachers student teacher i said i had to get some thing from the gudiance concler she said to wait and i said it can`t then she said wha…ahhh…girl itams and she said sure go ahead she was pretty cool about it the only problem is that our conslear is a boy and the teacher i nomally go to was not there today so it was really acword and it was really heavy so i had to leave every 30 mins then the teacher said you can`t leave class any more right when i felt it start to leak ohhh…nooooo…not again. but my teachers are pretty good at gessing when you have girl isuse cause my teacher nows i would not try to skip class for no reasan.
June 17, 2011 at 6:04 pm
I have to admit Im a really REALLY shy girl specially when talking about periods
I started my period at 14, feeling really anxious about it. I had thought maaaaany times about how to tell my mom when I get it and had come with two options:
If I got it being at school or swhere else, I would send her a txt
If I got it at home I would call her to the bathroom and just “show the evidence”
I ended up having it at home, but the idea seemed better in my head, it was quite embarrasing showing my stained panties to my mom…
The nex day I went to the dentist and my mom starting talking to her, she told her I had a pool party but that I was not going, the dentist asked Why? And my mom asked me :
-can I tell her??(whispering) she got her period..
my face turned bright red then.
September 6, 2011 at 4:54 pm
I was 15 when i got mine and i cryed. I was so prepared but yet i paniced and forgot everything i was supposed to do. I have a couple of stories to tell.
When i was younger i had an engineering apprenticeship and there was me, my female tutor and anouther girl, the rest lads. I had gotten my period early that morning and had tremendous pains. I couldnt keep still i had to rock back and forth and stop working several times. My tutor came over to see if i was ok and then i went dizzy paused for a moment and replied yeah im fine and just after i said that i felt ill and lent over the table. She asked me again and came closer to rub my back and then i said quick get me the bin but she didnt have time to do so and i threw up on her because of the pains. It was awful. I apologized to her and helped her clean herself up when she was done changing she asked me what was up with me. And i felt bad for what i did, and burst into tears she just said to me. I understand, i was just like u once, is the pain dying down now or is it still bad. I was really embarased
The time after that i had finished my apprenticeship and went on to teach engineering to high skwl students and u dont get many girls to teach that subject to do u. I was unaware i was on one day and had 5 lessons to teach i dont know how long i had a stain on my butt but by 4th lesson at least 60 lads musta seen my stain and i only found out about it because the teacher in the room opposite (female) had come outta her class for the photo copier next to my room and i was stood in front of an open door teaching a class. She covered for me till i got back and sorted my self out. Apparently the lads where betting to see when the blood would drip down my legs the dirty little gits!!! Oh well
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June 30, 2012 at 4:25 pm
When I started my period it was 6 or so months after my best friend and shocked me even though I had been (mistakenly) looking forward to it. I texted her asking if anyone was around and she said no, she was completely alone, so I let all my frustration out. I told her that I found it when I was going to take a sh*t and that it was way worse then when I’d seen hers. We kept talking and then on one of the texts I noticed it. The *slightly* different language, grammar and punctuation. Her friend sent that last txt message. They had been tere the whole time. I hadnt even met them them. (heck if I will now.) worst moment EVER.
Another *yesterday* story. So I only got my period like 3 months ago and had this app that claimed it could tell me when u would et my period. Yeah, yeah, I know it’s irregular at the strt but it was worth a shot. Well, I found my period on the 13th day of my cycle after arriving in England from a 27 hour flight. After stuffing *who knows how much* toilet paper in my undies I did security and got out. I was busting to get back so I could change. I was wearing a log top and jeans you couldn’t see when the top/ mini dress was down. And my mum (who picked me up) decided we should go for a movie, after which my undies are soaked. Chinese was next ASWELL. I run straight to the bathroom once we arrive to find *not only* have my undies been soaked but my jeans aswell from the tip of the crotch all the way down to the bottom of the short shorts! I just couldn’t tell my mother… So I say through dinner for two hours, occassionally wobbling from side to side to wipe off any leaked bliss from the plastic chair and then once we are out the tube temporarily breaks down *WHILE WE WERE IN IT!* so after 30min of torture in blood soaked jeans and toilet paper pads we get out and try a taxi. The taxi breaks down. There wasn’t another free taxi in sight! So as we were walking down the road there are some uber hot boys across the street. That was the cue. Pop! Out comes the blood soaked wad of toilet paper madness from my granny panties. Yup. Just as they crossed the road toward us. Sheer horror.
August 6, 2012 at 10:33 pm
I was at school. I was sitting in my desk in class and I started feeling feverish and had horrible cramping pains. The worst thing was, class didn’t get out till 15 more minutes. I had to sit there sweating, and endure intense pain while the teacher rambled on about nothing important. When I got up, I’m pretty sure some people noticed that I was sweating and looked like I was going to cry. I ran out of the room and to my next teacher, which was the room next door, I asked him if I could go to the office because I was feeling very sick. He agreed and I speed walked to the office. Before I even go there though, I felt as if I had to vomit. I ran to the bathroom and threw up and the cramps were so terrible from vomiting that I collapsed on the floor and cried. I felt like I wanted to die. I couldn’t get up for minutes and I eventually did. I ran to the office, cried to them, and said that I was in severe pain. I told them I wanted to call my mom. The worst thing was, was that they’re were other kids in there and they were all staring at me. Ugh. The next one I had was even worse. I remember leaving Technology class and was experiencing yet again, more severe pain. I ran to the bathroom, tried to throw up, it’s hard to though when you have to go to the bathroom and throw up at the same time. So I threw up, I couldn’t hold it in anymore. Then I tried going to the bathroom. I got up quickly because of how much pain I was in. And I tried pulling up my pants and everything. After that, I laid there and cried like a baby. Another student that I knew, she was in my Technology class, came in and heard me crying. She asked if I needed help and ran to get some teachers. It was very embarrassing because I couldn’t talk, I was in a lot of pain. They walked me to the office and once again I was mortified. Last story. I remember having the same severe pain and I couldn’t go to the nurse, because she wasn’t there. So I went to the office, because of the pain, they sent me to the nurse and I laid in darkness while a teacher watched over me. It was pretty embarrassing. Other students watched me before as she walked me to the room. I don’t experience this much pain anymore though. If I do it’s not every month. Just a few months.
October 11, 2012 at 5:35 pm
Mine just happend today. I’m on my 2nd day of my period and it is super heavy. I left for work at 5:15am and had put a fresh tampon AND pad on right before I left. At about 830am I felt a gush of blood as i was walking down the stairs. It went threw my panties and jeans, a big blood spot in the middle of my ass! luckily i had a long shirt on to cover it. i went to the restroom to clean up and when i pulled my panties down and was lowering myself to the toilet blood dripped EVERYWHERE on the toilet seat and floor also my shoe! I hurried up and cleaned myself and the bathroom up changed tampon and pad and left. about 2 hours later i sneezed and felt a gush of blood and again the horrible leaking feeling. i rushed to the closest restroom (unisex restroom- one toilet, so when someone else needs it they will wait right out by the door). again as i pulled my pants down blood dripped all over the floor again and worse then before. i hurried up and just wadded up tons of toilet paper and shoved it in there because i heard someone standing outside the door to use the restroom. i cleaned the floor and toilet up again which felt like forever. i figured whoever was waiting left to go to another restroom. nope when i opened the door there was a guy waiting. he was probably thinking wtf took so long. i hope i cleaned up all the blood! i rushed to tell my boss i had thrown up and needed to leave. i went home and showered. this is the heaviest it has ever been!!!!!! how embarassing.
April 22, 2013 at 1:37 am
I guess I’m not the only one who’s had one of these terrible accidents at work.
September 14, 2014 at 8:05 pm
Just adhere to some of these suggestions and alter
your every day behavior to consider some of the tension from
your own back. If we do not lower again, hopefully never
a problem for us. In addition, it’s nearly impossible to sleep in that much pain so a sleeping pill would
be of some benefit too.
August 24, 2016 at 10:43 pm
I got my period while horseback riding when I was 11. When I dismounted there was terrible discoloring in the middle of the saddle and I had no idea what to do. Just remember when I was 11 I didn’t own a saddle I had to borrow one from my trainer. I had tried and tried to get the blood off and my mom eventually had to pick my up from the barn and I had to leave the saddle in its current condition. When I came back to the barn the next day, my trainer had to tell what she had seen on the saddle. So awkward!
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