My only ONLY complaint with this very funny piece is that it fully raises one of my biggest pet peeves, the term “assless/buttless chaps.” Guize, srsly, chaps are, by DEFINITION, without fabric covering the ass & crotch area. That’s what essentially makes chaps chaps. Think about it, have you ever in your life seen a pair of chaps that covered up the ass area? No, you haven’t, because those are called “pants”, or, if you wanna be a stickler, “crotchless pants”, because chaps are open to the crotch as well. And if both crotch and ass are covered, the garment = pants. So, pants – crotch and ass covering = chaps, no? So, why the fuck is it so common for people to feel the need to say that chaps are “assless”? I don’t get it.
We need to retire the term “assless chaps” and fwd it the the Department of Redundancy Department once and for all, before I start slapping bitches. Suggestions for naming the act of wearing chaps with no pants beneath, only undies beneath, or nothing beneath include:
Stand-Alone Chaps
Chanties
Chundergarments
The Chunnel (“I see London, I see France”, get it?)
the French Quarter Special
South Beach Surprise
Miami Tuxedo
Save a Horse, Ride a Cliche’
Chanties
Chundergarments
The Chunnel (“I see London, I see France”, get it?)
the French Quarter Special
South Beach Surprise
Miami Tuxedo
Save a Horse, Ride a Cliche’
Leave your other suggestions in the comments!!



July 16, 2008 at 12:46 pm
G-chaps!
also? i can barely see this tiny font!
July 16, 2008 at 12:46 pm
Ass flashers.
July 16, 2008 at 12:50 pm
Leg Mullets
Easy Pees
My-owner-went-shopping-and-all-I-got-was-45%-of-pants.
Princearees
I-know-what-disease-you-got-last-summer
es-ki-mos
Chinese Orphanage Pants (no, seriously, this one’s true)
July 16, 2008 at 12:59 pm
so glad i used “assless chaps” in last post’s comments. so i guess i get bitch slapped. chap-slapped?
July 16, 2008 at 1:16 pm
Cheek Surprise
July 16, 2008 at 1:18 pm
Peek-a-boo chaps? Yeah, I got nothing.
July 16, 2008 at 1:24 pm
Chapants
Unslung Bunners
Free ‘N Breezies
Drafty Drawers
Leather Hula Skirt
What’s weird to think about is the fact that chaps were like “armor” for cowboys. How they became some weird fetish garment, beyond the obvious exposed flesh, is just, well, freaky.
July 16, 2008 at 1:29 pm
I can’t think of anything, because “Chundergarments” is so spot-on, I’m lying on the floor laughing.
July 16, 2008 at 1:31 pm
@AYL: I will sooo chap-slap you with the chaps I made for my X-Tina Halloween costume. Yessss.
M- sorry abt the font. No idea how that happens
further chap suggestions:
Scantaloons
Reverse Breeches
My-doctor-told-me-to-wear-these-to-prevent-jock-itch
Leather Garters
Liberty Pants
Freedom Trousers
…aaaaand I’m spent.
July 16, 2008 at 1:33 pm
I know!! Let’s just call them:
Something I’ll never wear.
July 16, 2008 at 1:53 pm
@BAngieB: I know. Me either, if only to never have to say, “Do these chaps make my ass look big?”
July 16, 2008 at 2:01 pm
Liberty Pants is grreat. Untrousers? Butt-frames? Strappy nappies?
I’m no good at this.
July 16, 2008 at 2:38 pm
Because assless pants with chaps over them isn’t as fun to say.
July 16, 2008 at 2:59 pm
@biscuit: but do we have to get in a wrestling ring and sing “dirrty” while this happens? i’d feel less scared on my front lawn by my parked lowrider.
July 16, 2008 at 3:13 pm
Leather leg warmers.
July 16, 2008 at 3:19 pm
Also Biscuit? My dad Glenn totally did not give you permission to use his pic in this post.
July 16, 2008 at 3:22 pm
But he looks fantastic on that bike, mo.
July 16, 2008 at 3:31 pm
@es-ski-mo: but your sister and her motorcycle gave the go-ahead?
shnap.
July 16, 2008 at 3:34 pm
asslottes?
July 16, 2008 at 3:38 pm
BDJ, the redundancy of the phrase assless chaps bugs me too. I personally vote for scantaloons.
July 16, 2008 at 3:39 pm
@andbegorrah: The hat’s a family heirloom.
@AYL: That’s me on my bike at last year’s es-ki-mo family reunion (that year’s theme: “Show us yr asses!”). BDJ begged me to let her use it, and I said “fine, but only if you blur out my face and my license plate.” Cuz I need to protect my secret identity and all.
July 16, 2008 at 3:42 pm
@es-ki-mo: oh yeah, i always get you and balinda mixed up. gahhh. and yo, iz ur hair nat chur ull E kurly or youz got a body wave?
July 16, 2008 at 3:58 pm
@ Mo: *gasp* Ze Geigh icon “Glenn” had a love beh-beh?
This requires a GAPBA, Gay All Points Bulletin Alert!
July 16, 2008 at 4:20 pm
Bebe, you said G-chaps. Seriously. You complete me.
July 16, 2008 at 4:21 pm
“Save a horse, ride a cliche” was awfully good, but I also like “I-know-what-disease-you-got-last-summer,” too.
Tough choice.
July 16, 2008 at 4:46 pm
Barebacks? Chapped Asses? Man, y’all are too damn clever. Scantaloons and Easy Pees killed me. I was reaching for something to work with “bottomless” (bottomless pit led me to Loch Ness, which is allegedly bottlomless, which led me to monsters) and by then I had lost the plot completely.
July 16, 2008 at 10:58 pm
First off: Thank you for the Xtina and the anonymous biker lady pix, the latter of whom my dad–who is a biker–probably sees every now and then at the biker bar near his house.
As for names, Xtinas sounds like a good name for ‘em, as well as Spankeze, for “painfully” obvious reasons. [rimshot]
November 15, 2012 at 7:41 am
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