Being an adult right now is equal parts depressing and relieving. It’s relieving because I’m so incredibly glad that MySpace, Facebook, blogging platforms and slam sites like Juicy Campus weren’t around when I was an awkward, angst-filled teen just trying to survive high school. Seriously.
I feel for you youngsters today, and all I can really say to you for advice is this: think before you post. Think twice, think three times. Better yet? Don’t post anything at all ever. Or, post your little heart out on a password-protected site and then never give anyone the password. There you go.
I mean really, there’s already enough bullshit for teens to try and live through without dealing with the repercussions of splashing your hormonally-charged dramarama all over the global stage that is the interwebz. Anyway, what’s depressing about being an adult is…. Um…… Well, nothing really, other than that kids today have a lot cooler shit than when I was coming of age.
As much as I hate record-company-assemby-line hipster garbage like The Killers, it’s still worlds better than the pop music available to me in the 90s. What were the most popular bands at my high school? 311, G Love and Special Sauce (I shit you not), Incubus, Dave Matthews Band, Sublime (even though the singer guy had been dead for a number of years- such is the trickle-down of pop culture when you live in the Deep South), and all sorts of other cock-rockin’, whiteboy trustafarian, pot-smoke-billowing-out-the-sweet-Jeep-Cherokee-Daddy-bought-you tunes.
Nothing rubbed salt in the gaping Prozac hole left by the Seattle-spawned music of the early 90s quite like the happy-go-sappy-pap, wannabe eclectic, Jamaican culture-copping pop music 180-turn that was the latter half of the 90s. The musical landscape went from Sonic Youth and Sunny Day Real Estate to Sugar Ray and Smash Mouth overnight. That sucked to the point that I feel the electro-synth rut of indie music the kids are listening to today would be preferred.
Kids today also have much cooler phones and communications devices. I mean, seriously, what the fuck was the point of a pager? I hated that shit. But, I must say, the #1 thing I envy about kids today is the beauty products they have access to now.
(Don’t get me wrong, I don’t like the Donnas, but this album cover always reminded me of the girly sleepovers I had as an adolescent…. and I actually do like their version of “Teenage Kicks,” sue me).
After the jump, I get some much-deserved teenage kicks from a new drugstore product..
First of all, we didn’t have Sephora when I was a kid. We had Walgreens. The extent of my glamour was hair by Miss Clarol and 99-cent Wet & Wild eyeliner. Couple that with my bad skin and braces, and I pretty much looked like a pasty-white Ugly Betty.
When I was a teen, you know what we had to deal with our erupting skin? Oxy pads, St. Ives Apricot Scrub and fucking Sea Breeze. Might as well wash your face with paint stripper, as that shit (in its ’90s formulations, don’t know how they work now, but I’m guessing nothing’s changed) would assfuck your already angry complexion. And the Clean & Clear moisturizer I used at the time was “oil free,” yet sat on top of my skin like a layer of grease on a slice of Sbarro’s at the mall.
Any attempt to improve the look of my skin was done through those smelly Cover Girl pressed powders. Just chalky enough to soak up the shine, just cheap and irritant enough to keep me perpetually broken out. Which is not to say that all girls had bad skin in my po-dunk Southern town. Not so! The popular girls’ (read: rich girls) moms would buy them whole Clinique arsenals to treat their skin. Others, like my sisters, just had good skin without having to try. But I was S-O-L in that I was acne-prone, poor as shit therefore relying on drugstore fare, and being raised by a single father who had nothing to offer in the “skincare tips for teenage girls” department.
Which is why I’m BITTER as hell that drugstore products have come such a long way, and teens today have boutique quality products waiting for them behind the Wal-Mart rollback smiley. They make it so easy for you now, as the products are numbered in steps and grouped together in sets so kids today can get everything they need in one go. Not to mention, online review sites like Makeup Alley, beauty blogs, and the reviews at drugstore.com can help youngsters navigate the complicated world of skincare without having to waste their allowance on products that won’t work for them.
Like I did. For years and years.
The best of what’s new is the Soft line from Clean & Clear. These products work much like Shiseido’s The Skincare line in that they’re designed to restore skin’s moisture balance, but Clean & Clear has the added bonus of acne-clearing ingredients that work without stripping moisture from the skin. And, you know, the Clean & Clear products are about 1/4th the Shiseido price. As I’m currently experiencing some heat/sunscreen-related summer break-outage, I bought the Soft in-shower facial in the hopes of clearing my skin. So far so good.
This one-minute miracle contains Alpha Hydroxy acid and clay to help smooth the skin while drawing impurities out of the pores, aided by the steam in your shower. Smooth the slightly thick cream on, let sit for a minute, then lightly scrub with the microbeads already in the cream, and rinse. Voila! My skin felt so smooth and lovely after the first use, and it didn’t even aggrivate my rosacea. This $7 product has done what no amount of overpriced garbage from Philosophy ever could.
But I’m not totally over-the-moon about it. My love of this new fab skin find is tainted by the knowledge that this product is designed for teens, and that I may have suffered all those years in vain. WHY could this stuff not have come out 10 years ago? Why didn’t I know that the formula for success was: splash and moisturize in the morning, wash/tone/moisturize at night, and use a scrub or mask twice a week or so? That I know this stuff NOW doesn’t make up for how awkward I was for not knowing it THEN. Ah, the follies of youth.
I shouldn’t begrudge girls today of their good fortune, but I do. It should make me feel better to know that young girls today may be spared my pain, but it doesn’t. It’s just not fair. Kids today have it good on a lot of levels, and if they don’t appreciate it, I will personally come over to each & every one of their houses and read their diaries aloud on YouTube…provided they’re not doing that already.
How’s THAT for acting my age?
Please to tell the tales of teenaged acne heartache in the comments, or just talk about how lame you were in the 90s.
July 22, 2008 at 2:58 pm
i remember my first pager, it was a motorola. also my first primeco phone, takin’ it back ya’ll.
July 22, 2008 at 3:08 pm
I think I’m sadder and more bitter about the fact that now, in my 20s, I know less about makeup and skin care than today’s teens.
I don’t even want to think about how ignorant I was of such matters ten years ago, for fear of bringing repressed memories of my awkwardness to the surface.
July 22, 2008 at 3:12 pm
The Nouvelle Vogue cover of Teenage Kicks is quite awesome.
And listen, lady, you think you had problems? When I was a kid we had Stridex pads — pure alcohol, nothing more — and flesh-coloured Clearasil ointment. Flesh-coloured, that is, if you were a tanned white person. And really, that was about it. Those were your options.
July 22, 2008 at 3:21 pm
Ah, Sea Breeze. Sea Breeze, Cover Girl and Clinique’s Happy! Trifecta of teenage hotness. (Or not.) I vaguely remember being the first girl at my high school to wear bell bottom jeans and the color pink. Um, at the same time. Jesus Christ, why did you take me back to that awful place, BDJ? WHY!?!
July 22, 2008 at 3:23 pm
Between the industrial strength Retina-A and the UV lamp sessions, I’m convinced the dermatologist did more harm than good when I was a teenager.
July 22, 2008 at 3:24 pm
@Trixie- We had the latte-hued Clearasil, too. And, stupid clueless me actually USED it on my zits, ignoring the fact that I had looseleaf-colored skin at the time. Then one day I saw a picture of myself with that stuff on- looked like I had melanoma. I can’t believe I walked around like that for probably a few months without noticing! UGH!
July 22, 2008 at 3:42 pm
I vasillate (sp?) between being pissed that kids today can get the hippie/grunge look I was going for in the 90s by going to the mall, and feeling smug bc I created it from my mom’s old clothes and thrift store shit, and was therefore ahead of the curve. Either way, I looked like shit. But I am a firm believer that she who made the most fashion mistakes in high school will be the best dressed in 10 years .
July 22, 2008 at 3:42 pm
Oh man high school makeup for me was all about tons of black eyeliner and wet’n'wild #501 lipstick. It went perfectly with my wardrobe of tights under cut-off shorts, Cure and NIN t-shirts and DM boots. Ah, the early nineties!
July 22, 2008 at 3:51 pm
Noxema cream FTW!
Okay, not really, but that shit, Stridex pads, and Oxy-5 or Oxy-10 were staples in my (pre)teen acne fighting years. Thankfully, though I continue to break out (thanks, genetics!), other options are available these days.
July 22, 2008 at 4:07 pm
You had pagers as a HS student? I don’t understand.
I used to get Oxy 10 in my Xmas stocking. The product didn’t do shit for my skin, but the humiliation endures. I’m seeing all the usual suspects: Noxema, Sea Breeze, St. Ives. Accutane helped, but only briefly. The perfumes of choice were Liz Claiborne and Benetton’s Colors.
I’m still a drugstore shopper, mostly, but I wash my face with Lush’s Dreamwash and use baking soda for a scrub (the cheapest thing ever). I’ll never have great skin, but it’s better than it used to be.
FYI, those beads in commercial scrubs are plastics, and they go straight down the drain and into the public water supply. Avoidavoidavoid.
July 22, 2008 at 4:16 pm
When that Wet ‘n Wild electric blue nail polish failed to make me Omigod Just as Cool as the Cool Grrls I wanted to weep in frustration and disillusionment.
July 22, 2008 at 4:20 pm
True story–I was an Eternity wearer in high school. A couple of years ago, I was shopping at Macy’s and bought a bottle because I remembered how much liked it. I squirt some on and head downtown. I get into an elevator with a GORGEOUS man who smiles at me and says, “Are you wearing Eternity?” Yes”, I reply in my sultriest voice. “My sister used to wear that in high school!”
Annnd…I gave the bottle away. To my 15 year cousin.
P.S. St Ives still works! that shit in gold in a tube, man.
July 22, 2008 at 4:23 pm
phdork: hell yeah, LUSH!
today i use cetaphil and a washcloth and it takes care of most everything. 10 years ago, my face would have laughed at the puniness and exploded 16 more zits across my chin and forehead. if it burned when you put it on, you knew it was working.
July 22, 2008 at 4:28 pm
@PhDork: i did have a pager as a HS student, but then again in 9th grade my boyfriend was also 28 years old. i am not what you call, ‘the norm’.
as for my skincare back in the day, well, there was none. i think the 3lb layer of aquanet and/or rave sprayed on mah forehead daily somehow sealed up my pores into a waxen front.
July 22, 2008 at 4:32 pm
@NeverNikki- frenz don’t let frenz use St. Ives Apricot Scrub. The scrubbing particles are jagged and structurally the same as small shards of broken glass which basically tear up the skin, and the abuse serves to create scarring and widening of the pores. Complexion murder in a bottle, basically. Do not use. Never, Nikki.
July 22, 2008 at 4:38 pm
Neutrogena Neutrogena Neutrogea. Loved it all through HS and college. Then I started doing PR for a fancy skin care line, and switched (’cause it was free). Now that I’m not doing fancy skin care PR anymore, I returned to my true love Neutrogena. If you love a bar of facial soap, set it free. If it returns to you, you won’t have to pay $50 for a combination of water, glycerine and botanical extracts.
July 22, 2008 at 4:42 pm
bdj–but my skin is silky smooth. why do you tell lies? And, in the words of Obama: It is always a bad idea to use words like always and never.
Hey blog ladies–you should do a companion piece to this and have us talk about our new found interest in anti-aging potions.
July 22, 2008 at 4:45 pm
I’m into Walgreen’s AND The Donnas. I am old-school and uncool like that.
Oh, and Biscuit! I just bought the boy (who, like your own, was using BODY SOAP to wash his face, wtf???) Clean & Clear. Guess who hasn’t had a spot in the whole four weeks he’s been using it? He thinks I am a genius, shhhh.
July 22, 2008 at 4:47 pm
Kadinsk: I mean, I wasn’t going to go there, yo, but if you really want to, we can have a Bang-Off.
I used to rock a fierce rainbow bang. Yes. It’s true.
July 22, 2008 at 5:01 pm
@Skinny Bone Jones: ooooooooh, bitch you is on like donkey kong!
i can still rat that shit up there like nobody’s bizness, i can do the waterfall, yo. that shit looked like the arm of a couch.
July 22, 2008 at 5:16 pm
When I was in middle school, my giant green-framed Benneton glasses gave me major zits where the nose pads were, so I decided to scrub that area of my nose very, very thoroughly one night. I scrubbed the skin right off. I was mortified at the giant scab it produced, but that place on my nose has NEVER gotten another zit. Or another blackhead, even. I wouldn’t recommend this method, but it damn sure worked.
July 22, 2008 at 5:27 pm
@dictator: I believe you gave yourself a not-recommended home version of a chemical peel. But, hell, if it worked!
July 22, 2008 at 5:35 pm
ergggg: “if it burned when you put it on, you knew it was working.”
Yes, sadly, that was the conventional wisdom, and I swallowed it whole. Along with a lot of hot, angry tears at how shitty my skin was.
And then I went looking for something “stronger.” Gaaah.
July 22, 2008 at 9:40 pm
High School: I used pHisoderm and Oxy 10.
My scent: Anais Anais
Boyfriend’s scent: Stetson
July 23, 2008 at 9:57 am
BangieB: Stetson, Hee Hee, G’s daughter and boyfriend were over the other night, and we were playing this trivia game on PS2. One of the questions was Put these in order of wear from top to bottom: belt, bolo tie, stetson, boots. The boyfriend (who we hate, by the way)got it wrong, and complained that Stetson went on your chest. I said, “#1, that means you are wearing it wrong, and #2, a stetson is a hat, you dumbass.” That is funny to me.
High school: Neutrogena soap
My scent: Lady Stetson (my shame), then Liz Claiborne
Makeup: Clinique oil free / it was mixed with alcohol, you had to shake it well in order to mix the pigments with the alcohol every time you used it.
July 23, 2008 at 10:16 am
I may as well have scrubbed my face with Drano, I believe. What goes well with dunking your face in chlorinated water for 4 hours a day? Drying it out with extra-strength Clearasil and the 12% benzoyl peroxide creams! And then let’s slather greasy Ben Nye stage makeup over this at night!
Gee, I wonder why my cheeks kept breaking out.
Thank god I switched to the hippie Freeman’s stuff in later years. Now, it’s Cetaphil, moisturizer/sunscreen, eye cream. Those damn kids and their fancy-ass routines. Spoiled kids get everything.
July 23, 2008 at 10:39 am
@izzardgrl:
Damn rednecks.
July 23, 2008 at 10:45 am
I used Clean & Clear in high school (four years ago), but I still had zits. I had them until I went on birth control, no matter what I abused my face with. I still do, actually, but they’re under control now with a combo of Clinique 3-step and Neutrogena scrub.
I have this kids-today issue less with beauty products (which I can still use) than with toys. Kids today have the GREATEST toys! Where were the twelve new American Girl dolls and forty-seven different Barbie Dream Houses when I was a kid? Not. Fair.
I wore CK1 in high school, I’m ashamed to admit.
July 23, 2008 at 11:14 am
@girlscoutcookie:
I don’t think today’s toys are better, there are just a lot more of them. As far as I am concerned, Lincoln Logs and Legos still rule. And, I mean, come on, I had a holster with pistols and a cowgirl hat, AND a machine gun. Now, those were toys.
July 23, 2008 at 11:28 am
Oh BDJ, how I feel your pain. Started burning up my face with various extra-strength drugstore poisons at age 12, then slathering makeup over the red, raw results. I begged my mom to let me go to the dermatologist when I turned 16, and could pay for it. Still going all these years later, and it’s the best money I’ve ever spent.
High school skin care: too many to count. St Ives, Clearasil, Oxy, Neutrogena, Clean&Clear, you name it.
High school scents: Colors de Benetton, Skin Musk (still love) and Loulou when I wanted to kill a man.
High school makeup: Maybelline, Revlon, Clinique (finally!)
I’m still bitter I don’t have the body I did then with the skin I have now. Argh!