Yesterday, for a hot minute, my heart raced and shock came over me: Uber-hottie-damn-great-actor-best-Batman-EVER Christian Bale arrested for assaulting his mom. After regaining my composure, I realized that this must be a mistake. I communicated my feelings to a good friend, who agreed with my feeling of this being some kind of mix-up. We waxed poetic about his great turn in Equilibrium and The Machinist. We decided the news was wrong! His step-mom is the great feminist Gloria Steinem. There was no way our Christian was some sort of mom-abuser!!
We were proven right. Turns out Mr. Bale was defending his wife’s honor. His mother insulted his wife of eight years and he probably told the nasty bitch to fuck off!! A (hot) man defends his (hot) wife from his nasty mother. Could he be more dreamy?!?
July 23, 2008 at 3:54 pm
I’ve heard there’s a lot of long-term, deep-seated issues between Christian and his mom.
My own mother, whom I have never felt the need to assault (OK, I have, but I was 16), said, “I’m sure Gloria’s on the phone with him right now, giving him a very stirring lecture.”
July 23, 2008 at 3:59 pm
Awwwww, you linked to my blog in that post. You are such a darling.
I can see this being entirely plausible. My best friend’s mother-in-law is a horrible woman who makes little cutting remarks and is just generally bitchy. And she treats her son horribly as well. So if he wanted to defend my bff from that, I would adore him forever. Just sayin.
July 23, 2008 at 4:03 pm
More men should stand up for their wimmens. It’s hawt and the right thing to do.
July 23, 2008 at 4:11 pm
Agree w/Bowling, mama’s that can’t cut the apron strings or insist on inserting their insanity into the life of their child must.be.put.in.their.place!
July 23, 2008 at 4:12 pm
I love anyone who can stand up to his/her hag ass mother, esp. to defend some gorgeous, innocent thing.
July 23, 2008 at 4:13 pm
However, I am recognizing this woman’s hand posture as a sign that she is v. nervous. Or fidgety. He really should have given her a nip from the flask before hitting the red carpet or something. A nip of SOMETHING, sheesh.
July 23, 2008 at 4:22 pm
SBJ–If I had thousands of people screaming and taking blinding photographs of me, I would have a full blown anxiety attack. I like to think he’s affectionately rubbing her butt right now to calm her down.
July 23, 2008 at 4:26 pm
I like to imagine they both have their hands in each others’ back pocket in this shot.
I also like to imagine I am the wife’s right hand in this shot.
July 23, 2008 at 4:28 pm
I felt better as soon as I learned assult = raising one’s voice and looking scary. And to do that in defense of one’s wife? Well, that’s very understandable.
July 23, 2008 at 4:32 pm
es-ki-mo–every time I try to do the hand in the back pocket thing with my boyfriend he always squirms away. Christian wouldnt do that. Christian would flex his ass muscles to make me happy.
Oh make me happy baby.
July 23, 2008 at 4:34 pm
This news makes my day, seriously. I’ve been watching old clips of Christian Bale from the Newsies with a tear in my eye, but now everything is once again right in the world.
July 23, 2008 at 4:35 pm
A lesson to be learned by us all: don’t assume. (which would put half the press out of business, but we ain’t the MSM).
July 23, 2008 at 4:35 pm
And….and this will make us all wince…don’t always assume the woman is in the right.
July 23, 2008 at 4:36 pm
@cate3710: by that definition I assault at least 15 people in a given week. this morning I assaulted the shit outta Glenn Beck when he wouldn’t STFU on my teevee.
July 23, 2008 at 4:52 pm
SarhHeartburn–actually, I was wary from the start. Probably because it all went down in London and the UK is pretty famous for having some dumb ass criminal laws.
July 23, 2008 at 4:56 pm
@kadinsky: Only 15? I admire your restraint.
And I suppose my definition should be modified somewhat – merely looking scary doesn’t quite cut it.
http://legal-dictionary.thefreedictionary.com/assault
July 23, 2008 at 6:56 pm
Mother in Laws can be some bitchy-ass motherfuckers. Trust.
July 23, 2008 at 7:12 pm
CeeJee: Kadinsky has two! And they’re both assholes! Tell us more, Kadinsk!
July 23, 2008 at 7:34 pm
@CeeJeeMcBeeGee: you ain’t lyin’.
@trixiefromtoronto: oh, just wait. i get to see my bitchass sister-in-law this weekend, the one who tried to upstage me at my own fucking wedding – i will be full o’nasty things to say when i get back.
July 23, 2008 at 9:29 pm
Thank goodness – my heart was broken a little bit yesterday!
July 23, 2008 at 11:14 pm
@kandinsy: my former potential MIL took me to brunch one morn to “bond”. and by bond, she meant ask about me and her son’s sex life. wait, not ask… act as a medium for his complaints. As in, “Don’t you think if you did X, my son would enjoy sex more?”
Dodged a bullet there, that I did.
July 24, 2008 at 10:17 am
He apparently had seen/spoken to his mother for something like years, and he reluctantly agreed to meet her, then she hit him up for money and insulted his wife. And, of course, he’s the won branded the villain.
I knew something had to be up when assault charges were brought up the NIGHT BEFORE the biggest premiere of his biggest movie EVER.
Glad to hear the truth coming out…
July 24, 2008 at 10:17 am
had “NOT” seen…
grrr…