ButtercupPunch – “La clique, c’est chic!”

I have been cooking/baking like a fiend since my daughter came for a visit.  Her first night here there was a big golden butter cake with chocolate buttercream icing. Tonight? Strawberry-rhubarb pie. Let the battle begin again, bitches!!!

This????

Or this????

Thanks to the always ingenious Best Week Ever for pointing us towards this wholly internet-worthy blog, Awkward Boners.  Probably because I don’t have a teenage son whose dignity I am concerned for, this has brought me a dickload of joy today.  Oh, Unwanted Boners.  Thank you for putting men on occasional, equally embarrasing and objectivized footing.  We ladyfolk feel this disconcertingly scrutinized nearly every day!

Fellow lovers of wine, women, song, and British television:  If any of you were interested in checking out the BBC Comedy Pulling that I reviewed (post here), it appears that Season 1 is available on Netflix.  I’ll remind you of this:

Karen:  You alright, Louise?

Louise:  This is a nightmare.  It’s not psychologically healthy to have your mum do lesbian dancing with you to attract men.

Karen:  She’s gonna do more dancing now.  I just seen her slip an E up her arse.

Louise:  …I want to go home.

Karen:  Well, maybe she’s just letting off steam.  I mean, she just split up with her fella, so it’s only natural for her to…  Oh, my God!  Did I just see her drink her sick back out of that glass?

Louise:  Oh no, not the never-ending pint!

Karen:  (Horrified).  They’ll chuck us out for that!

If you do watch it, let me know what you think in the comments!  And remember, see the original first, in case the US version actually gets pulled together.

From Wednesday’s The Writer’s Almanac, “Letter of Resignation” by William Baer from Bocage and Other Sonnets (© Texas Review Press, 2008):

Dear [blank]: After much deliberation,
without qualm, scruple, or further delay,
I hereby tender my formal resignation
as your lover and future fiancé.
The job provides too little satisfaction:
too many hours of unneeded duress,
a paucity of productive interaction,
uncertain working conditions, and endless stress.
Pay-wise, I’m undervalued and disenchanted:
advancement’s slow, the bonus is routine,
my “on-call” overtime is taken for granted,
and benefits are few and far between.
This document, I’m hopeful, underscores
my deep regret. I’m very truly yours….

I was having an unpleasant dream Monday morning, around 6:00 am, that I had hired two hitmen to take out Perez Hilton.  By the time I met them at a bar to discuss the hit, I had changed my mind and wanted to put an end to the whole thing.  However, the hitmen had other ideas and were thinking of progressing with the plan even without being paid, and the whole thing was spiraling out of control and I was feeling desperate and a little confused, as one of the hitmen was rather attractive.  While I couldn’t classify it as a nightmare, it was upsetting.  I didn’t really want anyone to die!  But I had set these events in motion and now I couldn’t stop them!  That sexy hitman had his hand on my ass!  It felt kind of good!  Oh, HUMANITY!   

Then I woke up, conscious of an intermittent hum in the room, and a hard metallic clacking.  With my brain still fogged with the dream, it took me a moment to identify the source of the annoyance.  Yes, it was an insect, slamming its body against my window and blinds and emitting an angry buzz – and from the sounds of things, it was an insect the size of a remote-controlled helicopter.   

Sad to say, but this is one of the worst (everyday-type) things that can happen to me, to be at home alone and have to tackle a buzzing bug.  This is one of my biggest phobias – flying, stinging insects send me into a helpless panic attack.  Even disoriented, with sleepy eyes, I could see that The Thing was over an inch long, and fat, like it had been suckling the blood of newborns for days.  Silhouetted on the blinds by the dawn sun, it looked malevolent, pestilent, EVIL.  I could see it rubbing its legs together and generally being terrifying, and every few seconds it would BZZZZZZZZZ and I would squeal in horror.  Basically, it was Satan.   (more…)

Sooooo, today is President Obama’s 100th day in office and all these talking heads are just chomping at the bit to “grade” him.  Everybody has something to say about how well they think the man is doing, but I’m not too interested in that.  What I want to know is, if you could authorize, create and manage any position in the government that you wanted, as long as you are serving the country – what would you do?  Would you work to repair the economy?  Would you work to improve foreign relations?  Would you work to bring peace to the Middle East?  Would you work to reverse global genocide?  World hunger?  Environmental issues?  Healthcare?  Domestic terrorism?  Illegal drug trade?  Would you focus on safeguarding the food supply?  Maybe look to all the dirty peanut butter issues or field workers wiping their asses with lettuce?  Tell me.

Thankfully, the media has alerted us to Patient Zero, the original source of the virus known as Swine Flu threatening a global pandemic, so the blaming can begin.  An image of the offender in action can be found below, in flagrant disregard for international health concerns. 

(more…)

Pilobolus – The most amazing videos are a click away

“Pilobolus began, in 1971, as an outsider dance company, and quickly became renowned the world over for its imaginative and athletic exploration of creative collaboration. Nearly 40 years later, it has evolved into a pioneering American cultural institution of the 21st century. The company now revolves around three nuclei of activity: PILOBOLUS DANCE THEATRE, the umbrella for a series of radically innovative and globally acclaimed concert dance companies; THE PILOBOLUS INSTITUTE, unique educational programming for schools, colleges, and public arts organizations as well as a series of classes and leadership workshops for corporate executives, employees, and business schools; and PILOBOLUS CREATIVE SERVICES, a division specializing in a wide range of movement services for film, advertising, publishing, commercial clients, and corporate events.”

(From their fairly amazing website).

Haha, made you look.

A truly awesome woman and good friend to BCP, Karen Daniels has been working to support a wonderful cause and I would like to share it with you all.

Champions For A Cause is a non-profit (501(c)-3) fundraising organization started by Tennessee Lady Vol basketball Associate Head Coach Holly Warlick and UCLA Head Coach Nikki Caldwell.  Their mission is to advance and support the cause of charitable organizations who advocate and act to better the quality of life and health for individuals at risk or in need.

Over the past 3 years, Champions has raised and donated nearly $100,000 to help support the fight against breast cancer through its signature events: Cruisin’ For A Cause – a long haul motorcycle ride, Links Fore The Cure – a women’s golf tournament, and b3 – bikes, basketball & breast cancer – a dinner and auction.  The money raised through these events supports efforts such as the University of Tennessee Breast Health Outreach Program, Kay Yow/WBCA Cancer Fund, and The Wellness Community of East Tennessee.

They have a very ambitious goal to raise $100,000 this year and every dollar helps.  If you’d like to help these fantastic women and their cause, click here.  Your titties will thank you, as do mine.  (Yes, those are my girls up above – now give a dolla!)

Look, I get it, “real America.” After an eight-year run of controlling the White House, Congress and the Supreme Court, this latest election has you feeling like a rejected husband. You’ve come home to find your things out on the front lawn — or at least more things than you usually keep out on the front lawn. You’re not ready to let go, but the country you love is moving on. And now you want to call it a whore and key its car.

That’s what you are, the bitter divorced guy whose country has left him — obsessing over it, haranguing it, blubbering one minute about how much you love it and vowing the next that if you cannot have it, nobody will.  But it’s been almost 100 days, and your country is not coming back to you. She’s found somebody new. And it’s a black guy.”

  - Bill Maher

(The entire essay is here).