note to self: googling 'bad hangover' images is a really stupid idea right now.
The other day my friend LipstickLibrarian asked the question, “Tell me about the worst hangover you ever had.” Which was fitting as I am discovering that I’m a disgrace to my Irish blood since I can no longer handle my drink. If you’re facebook friends with me you’ve probably seen my Thursday status updates wherein I moan about what a wretched state I’m in and that an evil, evil bitch named Vodka is to blame. Like this:
Thandie Kadinsky-Papier: well, it’s Thursday so kadinsky must be hung the fuck over and wondering when she became such a sadist. oh, and my stomach keeps trying to lurch it’s way out of my mouth so there’s that. June 3 at 12:37pm
Thandie Kadinsky-Papier: is hungover……again……goddammit. and I will bear this excedrin bottles’ children if it will just fucking work faster. May 20 at 9:53am
Thandie Kadinsky-Papier: wtf, vodka? I was good to you all those years, we was tight, I kept you top shelf and chilled and you kept me magnanimous and slutty. now all you do is buttfuck me with a hangover, you fuck. you’re fired. May 7 at 2:09pm
Pathetic, right? I know. But because there is fuck all to do in this town I keep going out on Wednesday nights with my co-workers and trying to strike a balance between buzzed-and-happy and dear-god-just-kill-me-and-be-done-with-it. I have yet to succeed. Last week I tried drinking water after every cocktail, a full glass of water even. I had to pee every 6 minutes and still felt like ass the next day. This week I figured if I just stuck to beer (which, okay, beer is fine and all but jesus christ the BLOAT come on) I would be fine. Well, the problem is that it takes a lot of beer to get me to the same happy place. According to my bar receipt it takes 14 beers. And according to my desire to just DIE right now, 14 beers is too much.
So, all I can do today is sit here pretending to look busy and try not to let my face slide to the floor. At lunch today I had to go heave because a motherfucking saltine looked at me wrong. My co-worker was looking for me earlier to ask me something, when I got back to my desk he asked where I was. I said I was in the handicapped stall taking a nap with my forehead against the cold hand railing. He laughed at my joke. I was not joking. My hangovers have become a whole other state of being; they have transcended ‘hangover’ status to something more akin to being poisoned. Clearly this is my body’s way of telling me to give it the hell up already. Until LL asked the question and I saw some of my friends’ responses, I thought everyone went through the same kind of hangover hell that I did, but apparently not. These are what mine are like, as told to friends and simply cut/pasted because I am lazy and HUNGOVER.
ohgod, the drinking. I wish all I had to deal with was a headache, my stomach crawls up my throat every time. I dry heaved 3 times while getting ready! there was nothing to throw up! but my stomach does not care, that bitch is merciless. she churns and churns until I puke up bile. so unpleasant. so then I think I’m in the clear and get down some water/alka seltzer and finish getting ready. I get to work, I make some tea, I’m at my desk sipping tea, thinking soothing thoughts and trying to work when who comes back to fuck me up? my goddamn vindictive stomach. I had to stop in the middle of that post up there to go ralph up the liquid I thought I was okay with. WHAT THE FUCK. eyes watering, nose running, makeup getting smeared off, jesus christ.
What about you? How sick does drinking make you and do you continue to do it?
Also? Weed has never done me wrong, so score one for cannabis. And now I go to sleep behind the copier, xoxo.
July 8, 2010 at 4:49 pm
An ounce of prevention, my dear. If you know you’re going drinking and are beyond the age where it doesn’t kick the crap out of you, prep is very important. It’s like stretching. A solid greasy, fatty lunch is essential. Wendy’s has always been good for me that way. And definitely bar food during the night. Water and asprin before bed and for what’s left in the morning, another fatty, greasy breakfast.
July 8, 2010 at 10:51 pm
the prevailing wisdom seems to agree that eating something (greasy) is a good move. but the way I like to drink that means I’m gonna get fat as hell. lose/lose.
July 8, 2010 at 5:12 pm
You’ve seen this, K, but as recap: imagine a hangover when sitting down or standing up makes me puke. Now imagine taking a 40 min bus ride to work during this hangover- one that involves sitting down and standing up. Then imagine the street I lurched down after getting off that bus as the sidewalk became streaked with puke and shame as I staggered in to work.
Then imagine that directly next to my office that day was an afternoon-long taiko drumming workshop.
I am woozy just recalling this incident.
July 8, 2010 at 10:46 pm
I am woozy just reading it!
July 11, 2010 at 3:28 pm
Didn’t you once puke into the shelf bra of your tank top? I was always very impressed by your commitment to keeping puke out of the car after hearing about that.
July 8, 2010 at 7:51 pm
There was a period of time while I was waiting tables, and everyone who worked w/ me was like under 25, and the bartender was crazy and made these insane drinks that tasted like kool-aid but contained like 100 deadly liquors. My-oh-my the hangovers were killer and I would puke almost every Sunday morning.
Also, the first time I went to Trinidad & met my husbands fam there me, him and his cousin drank a bottle of rum and I wanted to die the next day. Then I went out in the hot bright sun and by some grace of god managed not to boot all over the place in front of my in laws. Generally rum is a cruel bitch b/c the sugar in it makes me not so falling down/falling asleep drunk but it’s also what gives me a massive hangover.
I’m generally a firm believer in some kind of drunken eating before bed (pizza usually does the trick) and lots and lots of gatorade/vitamin water/ emergen-c.
July 8, 2010 at 10:47 pm
I hear you on the sugar, I switched to vodka from rums or flavored vodkas because the sugar would DEF kill me the next day.
July 8, 2010 at 8:15 pm
Hey there, hot stuff, I got the cure for what ails you.
But you have to come up here to get it.
July 8, 2010 at 10:48 pm
o rilly? I hope there is cheese and bacon involved.
July 9, 2010 at 8:18 am
and potatoes.
July 9, 2010 at 8:45 am
yesssssss
July 8, 2010 at 11:33 pm
you drink on a weeknight? i think that’s part of the problem.. you need a lot of sleep to avoid the hangover. sleep and grease. bacon, fried potatoes, etc. oh, and bad action movies. and a baby drink the next day.
July 9, 2010 at 1:19 pm
Agreed on all counts. The bad action movie marathon is a must.
July 13, 2010 at 2:04 pm
Yes, sleep is the best. Also, it’s good to be well-hydrated throughout the day, not just as you’re drinking. For me, I prefer carbs to greasy to buffer the alcohol.
If you’re dead set on drinking, I think bourbon slows me down compared to other liquors, especially when imbibed on the rocks. Gives me a nice mellow (but serious) buzz without leaving me hungover in the morning.
July 9, 2010 at 6:45 am
The hangover is why I have turned almost exclusively to weed. I just cannot deal. I even find if I drink while smoking weed, the hangover is lessened. I can remember absolutely nothing, and make a complete fool out of myself (to whit: dry-humping the passed-out lesbian in the Lesbian Basement on New Year’s, prompting my dear boyfriend to point out, kindly, that I had gone ‘spectacularly off the rails’) but the hangover isn’t as severe as it is when I do nothing but booze all night.
July 9, 2010 at 8:46 am
ahahaha!! yes, that was spectacular.
July 10, 2010 at 3:48 am
I find a toke before bed helps. Also, and I hate to say it – time to start drinking a lot less.
I love raw oysters. But the last two times I’ve had them, I’ve barfed for two days. So, no more oysters. The last few times I’ve had hard liquor (apart from vodka in a very spicy Bloody Mary, which really counts as a salad), I’ve seriously thought about going to the ER. So I think my (and maybe your) liver is saying, “uh, no thanks….”
July 9, 2010 at 8:12 am
Popcorn + Crystal Light. If not, pretend that you’re from Michigan and drink yourself sober.
July 11, 2010 at 3:35 pm
This thread is actually making me feel very good. I’ve had some rough hangovers, but nothing like some of these (so far, knock on wood). Worst yet: I drank an entire fifth of 101 Wild Turkey by myself at a New Year’s Party. Somehow I was under the impression that other people were working on it, too, but I was the only one drinking it. Somehow I didn’t die, but I threw up all the pizza I ate that night and got alcohol poisoning and was sick as hell for two days afterward. I think I only got off that lightly because I was 22 at the time.
I find that benadryl is often the best thing for my hangovers. If your schedule is free for sleep, it’ll make you pass out, but I can stay awake (if slightly on-another-plane-of-existence-feeling) if I keep moving around after I take it. It really works for the anti-nausea effect, but you have to be careful about taking it in situations where it’ll put you to sleep.
July 11, 2010 at 3:52 pm
The worst hangover I ever had was when I was waiting tables. I don’t recall the exact circumstances that led to the hangover, but I do remember getting up for work the next day at about 8:30, stumbling into the shower and thinking “I’m okay, I’m okay,” and I was, until I got under the hot water. And went blind.
Yes, actually, blind, for about three minutes – all was blackness. Pulled myself out of the shower by touch and crawled, wet and naked, across the room to call in to work (we actually had a “hangover clause” – this was the only time I ever invoked it). I must have gotten my sight back to call my boss because I managed to croak, “I AM NOT A WELL PERSON” or some such, and spent the day swaddled in bed, assumedly with some bouts of vomiting, although I don’t remember specifically.
I was probably 19 or so, and I don’t drink that way anymore (ie SHOTS. Shots are ALWAYS bad). I still suffer my share of hangovers, but I will never forget the literally blinding one.