david-haye1.jpgThis is David Haye, aka the Hayemaker (because hay is so threatening). David is currently a cruiserweight fighter making a run for the heavyweight title, but he has some decidedly big obstacles in his path. He won his last fight with a 2nd round KO, impressive even for the 2-1 favorite, Haye. To give you a quick rundown of his record, Haye has knocked out 20 of his 22 opponents and is on his 11th straight win with 10 of those coming by knockout.

David is now calling out the big boys, the alleged ‘heavy hitters’ of the heavyweight division. I say alleged because ever since wklitschko1.jpgLennox Lewis hung up his gloves as the world heavyweight champion in 2004, the division has been a sloppy, sorry mess with a rash of ‘interim’ champions. It’s hard to say who could be considered the champ to beat for the title right now, but for the sake of argument I’ll go with Volodymyr/Wladimir Klitschko (pronounced Vladimir).

Last week after taking about 8mins to make opponent Enzo Maccarinelli his bitch, Haye let us know what was up. And you know, “..the Hayemaker doesn’t lie.” The clip is a bit lengthy, but it tickled me to know that the Hayemaker intends to, “..put a bit more life into that sucky division”, and that he “brings the pain every time”. But does he hold all his accessories for every post fight interview?

I love shit talkin’ athletes, especially boxers. They have no equipment or teammates to blame when they get their ass handed to them, it’s purely put up or shut up time – unless you’re Mike Tyson but that’s a whole separate category. I was gonna rip on him for having a wicked stutter too, but clearly his mouth is just having trouble speaking since he’s fellating himself. So bring it, David, let’s see if you got the chops.

But this is not my only interest in young David. Besides standing 6’3″ with an 80″ reach, David used to do some modeling for Versace before deciding to get punched in the head for coinage. Mmmmmm, David is hott. For this reason, David is the newest member of my Boxing Harem. The Boxing Harem is restricted to the heavyweight division (200lbs +) ‘cuz I like my meatsticks to be Big and Powerful. I realized a long time ago that watching the technicalities of a heavyweight bout can sometimes bore me faster than a Scarlett Johansson performance, however by shifting my attention to the physical aspects of each fighter I find whole new chapters for the spank bank.

The Harem is tall, commanding, it is dominant, it is potent, it is explosive. A Harem fighter is primed for battle, his adrenaline is pumping through the veins visible in his sinewy forearms. His eyes reveal an exquisite all-consuming drive to conquer, to claim what he desires. His broad, muscular back and pipe-like shoulders glisten with sweat and traces of Vaseline – all of which serve like delicious little carnal appetizers, tempting and teasing me before the main course. Mmmmm, God Bless a hard, sweaty man.