A double post, friends, as I’ve been out of action for the last week.  Since everyone likes insults and negativity, two more terms to delight and tantalize.  First up:

“Big girl’s blouse”:  This phrase is generally used in a teasing, though derogatory sense; think the sensitive guy who doesn’t want to play football with his mates, but would prefer to sketch a flower or read the Romantics.  Swoon!

Usage:  “Michael skipped the pub to take Sophie to the ballet, the big girl’s blouse.” 

“Essex Girl”:  Oh, boy.  Who couldn’t love an Essex Girl?  This is something of the British cross between the OC, the Guido Girl, and trailer trash.  Essex is a county in east England and this stereotype is that of a slutty, vulgar, peroxide blonde (Jordan being an ultimate example, despite her currently dark locks).  The Essex Girl drinks, swears, and fucks profusely, and is prone to bad dye, tan, and boob jobs.  Apparently this is slightly less common in usage due to the rise of the “chav,” but still a strong encapsulation of the type of chick whose ultimate life goal revolves around glamour modeling and WAGhood.  Bitch could cut you with her acrylics, or spray your eyes with hairspray, so do not mess with the Essex Girl.  Instead of usage, some common jokes (which essentially boil down to then same dumb-blonde jokes you’re well familiar with):

Q:  What’s the difference between an Essex Girl and a washing machine?

A:  A washing machine doesn’t follow you around for weeks after you’ve dumped your load in it.

Q:  How does an Essex Girl shut off the lights after she has sex?

A:  She shuts the car door.

Q:  What does an Essex Girl say after sex?

A:  Do you really all play for the same football team?

Q:  What’s the mating call of the London girl?

A:  “All the Essex Girls have gone home!”

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