The other day I was bemoaning to my 17-year-old daughter about how I could never find brassieres anymore that weren’t contoured/lined/padded — whatever you want to call it. What happened to underwire bras with just a thin layer of fabric on the cup? Why did everything have to be padded? Firstly, it’s false advertising because it makes you look a least a cupsize bigger than you are, and I am happy with my size of hooters. And secondly, it makes all knockers look uniformly the same — rounded, no nipples. What’s the matter with a hint of nipple, I asked my daughter.

She was horrified. “Nipples? That’s GROSS!! Who wants to see someone’s pointy nipples in a shirt? It’s disgusting!”

 Nipples! Nipples are now disgusting! Bald poons, no nipples — this is the current ideal for female beauty?

I like nipples! I don’t mind if I get nipple-itis! And every guy I’ve ever been with has sure liked it when my high beams are on. That Farrah Fawcett poster, seen above, was one of the most famous pinup shots ever taken. And Jennifer Aniston, remember her nipples in “Friends?” They were ALWAYS erect. And it was sexy!

 No pubic hair, no nipples. I despair for today’s generation.