I’ve been wearing makeup since the mid-90s, pretty much. And when I 1st started out, you bet Hard Candy was the shiiiiit. They had those fun little pastel nail polishes with the matching jelly rings (remember when they used to fit your un-booze-bloated fingers?!)! So now, when I look at Hard Candy, I just think, “Why?” I may be petite and young-looking, but Harlot-in-OshKosh B’Gosh is decidedly not my personal brand of sexy.

So yeah, there’s a sale on at Hard Candy, details after the jump (I know you’re just soooo excited).

So yeah, if your pre-teen daughter needs some glitter eye shadow, here’s your chance to get it on the cheap.

A sampling of the tantalizing offerings (and can I just please say that this color combo is making my damn corneas scream in pain. This shit is rod and cone abuse, and it should be illegal.):

This isn’t actually made by Hard Candy. They just stole a bunch of these compacts out of Mariah Carey’s Sanrio-themed bathroom.

Blue eyeshadow always makes me think of that scene in My Girl wherein Jamie Lee Curtis gives Veda a truckstop hooker makeover.

For Hard Candy, this is downright tasteful.

These can hardly be called “Tools of Attraction” when they’d repel even the most kawaii-crazed Harajuku girl.


Please share My Girl references and tales of pre-teen makeup application in the comments!