With gas prices soaring, food prices making you consider going vegetarian (or at least relying solely on eggs & peanut butter for protein), and your fucking stimulus check still hasn’t shown up, your life does start to feel a bit like an Otis Redding song. But, just imagine Duckie serenading you, that’ll make it better:

Oh she may be weary
And young girls they do get wearied
Wearing that same old shaggy dress

(You know the one. The one from Forever 21, b/c your broke ass can’t even afford Jovovitch-Hawk for Target.)
Yeah yeah
 
But when she gets weary
Try a little tenderness, yeah yeah

   Seriously, the prospect of another four years of Republican rule ($10 per gallon gas! The middle class completely and totally vanishing! Continuing to wage a war we can’t afford! Insert worst-case scenario here!) has us all shaking in our Payless shoes and guarding our wallets like we were supposed to have guarded our virginity (HA!). 

You know she’s waiting
Just anticipating
A thing that she’ll never
Never, never, never, never possess, yeah yeah yeah

(The thing she’ll never possess = social security. Tell me I’m wrong.)
But while she’s there waiting
And without them
Try a little tenderness
That’s all you gotta do

Now, the last thing I want to tell you to do is buy cosmetics. Really, don’t do it! But they do say that lipstick sales go up during times of economic duress, b/c folks will tend to buy themselves little, inexpensive things to boost their sagging morale. Hey man, whatever gets you through the day, I say. SO, if there’s one beauty product you buy this summer, may I make a suggestion:

It’s not just sentimental, no no no

(really, it’s a great product.)
She has her grief and care
Yeah yeah yeah
But the soft words

(or, in this case, soft lip balm)
They are spoke so gentle, yeah

It makes it easier
Easier to bare, yeah

MAC Tendertones are BACK, bitchez!!!!

Your favourite M·A·C tinted lip balm makes its return this summer. Combines the look of a gloss and the benefits of a balm, with the protection of everyday SPF 12 sun protection. Smoothly satin in texture, and…More
US$14.50
You won’t regret it, no no
(really, this is the best balm/conditioner/gloss EVER!)

Young girls they don’t forget it
Love is their whole happiness, yeah
(well, makeup is my whole happiness, don’t’cha know!)
But it’s all so easy
All you’ve gotta do is, man
Hold her where you want her
Squeeze her, don’t tease her
Never leave her, get to her
Just try, try a little tenderness, yeah yeah yeah

 

 

Seriously. If there’s one new thing to buy or try this summer, I recommend the Tendertones.
I love y’all. Leave me comments!!

 

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