With gas prices soaring, food prices making you consider going vegetarian (or at least relying solely on eggs & peanut butter for protein), and your fucking stimulus check still hasn’t shown up, your life does start to feel a bit like an Otis Redding song. But, just imagine Duckie serenading you, that’ll make it better:
Oh she may be weary
And young girls they do get wearied
Wearing that same old shaggy dress
(You know the one. The one from Forever 21, b/c your broke ass can’t even afford Jovovitch-Hawk for Target.)
Yeah yeah
But when she gets weary
Try a little tenderness, yeah yeah
Seriously, the prospect of another four years of Republican rule ($10 per gallon gas! The middle class completely and totally vanishing! Continuing to wage a war we can’t afford! Insert worst-case scenario here!) has us all shaking in our Payless shoes and guarding our wallets like we were supposed to have guarded our virginity (HA!).
You know she’s waiting
Just anticipating
A thing that she’ll never
Never, never, never, never possess, yeah yeah yeah
(The thing she’ll never possess = social security. Tell me I’m wrong.)
But while she’s there waiting
And without them
Try a little tenderness
That’s all you gotta do
Now, the last thing I want to tell you to do is buy cosmetics. Really, don’t do it! But they do say that lipstick sales go up during times of economic duress, b/c folks will tend to buy themselves little, inexpensive things to boost their sagging morale. Hey man, whatever gets you through the day, I say. SO, if there’s one beauty product you buy this summer, may I make a suggestion:
It’s not just sentimental, no no no
(really, it’s a great product.)
She has her grief and care
Yeah yeah yeah
But the soft words
(or, in this case, soft lip balm)
They are spoke so gentle, yeah
It makes it easier
Easier to bare, yeah
MAC Tendertones are BACK, bitchez!!!!
US$14.50
Love is their whole happiness, yeah
All you’ve gotta do is, man
Hold her where you want her
Squeeze her, don’t tease her
Never leave her, get to her
Just try, try a little tenderness, yeah yeah yeah
June 4, 2008 at 10:10 am
Oh, thank you Panda!
I’m always on the lookout for tinted lip balm with sunscreen. I just won’t think about the twelve Dr. Pepper Lip Smackers I could buy for the same price.
June 4, 2008 at 10:46 am
ohhhhhhhhhh yessssssshhhhhhhh.
It’s a sad, sad day for the Buttercups as our girl Sinister can attest. Thank You, Panda for the tender beauty-ness, I am adding me some MAC to my shopping list right after I stock up on LUSH solids.
June 4, 2008 at 11:18 am
You were so right about the Clinique All About Eyes concealer — a goddamned WONDER product, I tell you!! — that I am racing out to get one of these.
Thanks, Panda!
June 4, 2008 at 11:27 am
It is a sad day, Kadinsk. That’s why I followed up with such a frivolous post. Sometimes it feels so good in the shallow end…
June 4, 2008 at 11:35 am
I splurged on nicer makeup last week (as opposed to my normal drugstore stuff), and I thought of you, Panda.
June 4, 2008 at 12:27 pm
It is a damn sad day, the first thing I saw when I walked in this morning to work was a douchebag coworker wagging the NY Post in my face all like oh I’m sorry HoneyLush, but we need your vote now. I wanted to spear him with my nail file.
but yay for MAC lip gloss, it’s the best! Also, I’m using liquid foundation now, but it’s dying in the heat, any recommendations on what to switch too?
June 4, 2008 at 1:40 pm
I saw this!!! YAYS!
June 4, 2008 at 1:47 pm
And in case you were wondering, yes, this is my actual countenance. I am a triangle head.
June 4, 2008 at 2:40 pm
You are inspiring me to splurge on my makeup more. And on a sad, rainy morning such as today I think a summery, glossy balm is in order.
June 4, 2008 at 3:15 pm
I bought false eyelashes for the first time ever from the drug store last week. In times such as our’s, sometimes the best thing to do is go “fuck it!” and pretend you’re International Velvet.
(Oh, and FOR REAL on the stimulus check. I still haven’t recieved that mess! And I AM SO BROOOOOKE! Where my shit at?!?!?!?!)
June 4, 2008 at 3:18 pm
Too despondent to log into wordpress…
Besame package sat unopened on pub table for hours last night…
News too jagged to digest…
Ice cream for dinner…
Not even mini-cupcakes can lift her spirits…and then…winking at her from behind a heavy red curtain smelling of cigarettes…like a row of drag queen falsies under makeshift stage lights…SUPERPANDA! Clutching at MAC Tendertones like a samurai with so many colored, quivering swords!
I think I’ll make it through the next four years, y’all. I really might.
June 4, 2008 at 3:38 pm
Dear TruculentandUnreliable,
LIES! Your head is a rhombus.
Sincerely,
LadyS
June 4, 2008 at 3:39 pm
Hey look! I’m a triangle head too. Only my eyes are craaaaaaaaazy….
June 4, 2008 at 3:43 pm
@Natalie: false lashes – every so often I am overtaken by some unseen force that commands me to toss a set of lovely looking dramatic eyelash falsies in with the rest of my beauty purchases – just so I can take them home to live in the drawer with the others that I am unable to apply without looking like something from Tim Burton’s sketchpad. *le sigh*
June 4, 2008 at 5:15 pm
Natalie- falsies are so fun. I highly reccommend them if you’re ever going to be photographed. With digital cameras & all that, NO amount of mascara or eyeliner you can put on will help you look like a girl through the lens of a damn Fuji Finepics- but false lashes will. I can’t say why.
Kadisnsky- I could teach you how to put them on. Bring them to the next meet up, and we’ll play again!
SBJ- There is a light that never goes out..
June 6, 2008 at 12:20 am
Tomorrow is my birthday, and I am headed to the MAC counter for a nice splurge on these gloss/balms, as well as a few other goodies.
I too, can never get the false eyelash thing figured out. I’m not that coordinated.
June 6, 2008 at 8:44 am
Oversidi: Stop by the Clinique counter and get the All About Eyes concealer. It is amazing! Another Biscuit recommendation.