The following is an e-mail exchange I recently had with a much younger guy I dated for a few weeks in the fall. Tailfeather, take note: he is Colombian, and he too turned out to be an ass. DISCLAIMER: I am sure many, many Colombian men are very decent and straightforward people, and don’t play mindgames. Tailfeather and I just happened to meet two who don’t fit that bill (I think, still waiting for Chapter Three from Tailfeather).

Some background: a close friend of mine was on Lavalife and went out with this guy once but he was two inches shorter than her (he lied and claimed he was 5’8, he was lucky if he was 5’5), so she set us up at a dinner party at her house, thinking I would like him because he was hot and very intelligent and I am shorter than her. And he was.

But then, after we fooled around a couple of times and he was after me to get more intimately involved, my friend noticed he was still trolling for chicks on Lavalife. Still really hurting and distrustful from the end of my marriage, I called him on it and got told I was a psycho. He then he gave me some bullshit excuse that he wasn’t on Lavalife, but his roommate had set up the computer so that Lavalife was the home page and it automatically signed him in every time he went online. The “psycho” comment was it for me, and I shut it down immediately. I hadn’t heard from him again (he is lying when he says he tried to contact me before; he hadn’t) until a few days ago. Here is the ridiculous exchange:

Douche:  Hey, although I tried to contact you a couple of times and you didn’t respond, I’m still being the same persistent person J

I just wanted to see how you’re doing. I also wanted to let you know that I was accepted to law school, and so will start this Fall. If you stop being a little stubborn and decide to go for a tea/coffee or even lunch, I’d really like that. Regardless of anything, we used to have very interesting conversations all the time.

Look forward to your answer.







Me: Glad to hear you got into law school. Congratulations. As for lunch, thanks but no thanks. Good luck to you.







Douche: You’re really stubborn. This is exactly the way we said we were not going to have things regardless of what would happen. I thought friendship was the main thing.

Anyways Ms. Stubborn, I hope I’ll bump into you sometime soon at least to have the chance to say hello. If by any chance you decide that I am actually right, I’ll be very happy to hear from you and go for a really sincere friendly coffee.

Me  (blood boiling): It is not a matter of being stubborn. I surround myself with people I trust. You were dishonest about a couple of things and then told me I was a psycho for calling you on it, and it wasn’t appreciated. I don’t have time in my life for people who disrespect me, and I am dating a couple of people right now who treat me with respect.

 So, again, congratulations, but please don’t contact me again. I’m really not interested in a friendship and find it odd that I am now being accused of irrational “stubbornness” many months after I last saw or heard from you.


Ok, I understand. Thanks for getting back to me though.


Now what really burns me about this exchange — and pardon the wonky fonts in this post, WordPress does not make it easy to go in and out of fonts — is the notion that I am just being “stubborn” and that I will see he is right. What a goddamned patronizing, condescending, sexist fucking tool.

That is all.