Tailfeather: how was your doctor’s appt???
kadinsky: lovely as always, decided not to go with IUD
kadinsky: will try nuvaring for now
Tailfeather: really! cool.
Tailfeather: that’s supposed to be good, i think…
kadinsky: the phrase, “passing out from insertion” had an effect on me
Tailfeather: uh-oh
Tailfeather: the doctor said that???
kadinsky: yup
kadinsky: as in, she almost did
Tailfeather: oh, please, it’s not THAT bad
kadinsky: damn
Tailfeather: that being said, I’m not gagging to do it again.
kadinsky: i dunno, during my exam she was taking the swab and I asked, “okay, right now what you are doing i would describe as ‘uncomfortable’
Tailfeather: swabbing IS uncomfortable
kadinsky: to which she gave me the raised eyebrow and make this funny noise
Tailfeather: ha
kadinsky: and i realized the insertion would not be my cuppa tea
Tailfeather: what, are you supposed to like it? It is the definition of uncomfortable, in every way.
Tailfeather: well, let me know how the ring thing works out. i wish i had tried that instead of depo in college.
kadinsky: i was on the fence about the 5 years too – i would be majorly pissed if i had to have it removed in less than 5 years but i also do not want to be over 35 when i get pregnant so
Tailfeather: well, removal is nothing. You can get pregnant is less than six months if you take it out.
kadinsky: wouldn’t removal be fucking ‘uncomfy’ as well?
Tailfeather: i can tell you my freaky-ass story now!
Tailfeather: nope, i’m on my second
kadinsky: so its hurts going in but not coming out??
Tailfeather: yup
kadinsky: weird
kadinsky: story – tell
Tailfeather: Well, a few years ago, i had my finger up in my girl for some reason.
Tailfeather: I’m sure there’s a logical explanation for this, altho I cannot remember it.
kadinsky: oh, YOUR girl, ok
Tailfeather: My vag = My Girl.
kadinsky: i see, i see, continue
Tailfeather: anyway, i could feel a string, it was weird and foreign.
Tailfeather: And i got freaked out b/c I thought i had lost a tampon.
kadinsky: ha! (apropos today, btw)
Tailfeather: this happened to me once before and it was wholly traumatic, so i got a little panicky.
Tailfeather: like, in college, i had sex with a tampon in. my STUPID ASS BOYFRIEND could feel it but didn’t say anything.
Tailfeather: it got turned sideways and i had to have an emergency gyno appt to have it removed
Tailfeather: anyway, was not interested in a repeat performance, so i went after the string
kadinsky: with tools or what?
Tailfeather: i finally got ahold of it and, um, yanked
kadinsky: OW!
Tailfeather: just my fingers and some acrobatic contortioning over the couch
Tailfeather: and I PULLED OUT MY IUD
Tailfeather: there IS a string attached to it, which I had forgotten about
Tailfeather: are you gagging yet?
kadinsky: omg you just made my uterus retract………somewhere
Tailfeather: LOL. normally you cannot feel the string
Tailfeather: it was dislodged so I would have had to have it fixed anyway
Tailfeather: but i flipped my shit when i pulled this thing out
kadinsky: holy shit, I BET!
Tailfeather: My gyno said he’s never seen this happen before.
Tailfeather: I am constantly making medical history.
kadinsky: but it didn’t hurt??
Tailfeather: no!
Tailfeather: and that was a (not recommended) home-removal
kadinsky: jaysus
Tailfeather: hahaha
Tailfeather: omg, i KNOW
Tailfeather: ps – NEVER TELL
kadinsky: sworn
Tailfeather: i was so embarrassed
Tailfeather: my gyno was sort of amused/horrified

*Note: no uteri were harmed in the making of this post.