So I was baking on the porch and thinking about my pal BiscuitDoughJones and the constructs of internet friendships, spawned in part from Biscuit’s own thoughts from her blog post, Tweeting Into The Abyss. I find the whole concept of electronic communication fascinating, in all the myriad ways one can choose, be it Facebook, MySpace, Tumblr, Twitter, blogs, texts, IM’s e-mails, whatever. But something I don’t quite comprehend is the relentless desire by some to overshare, giving us every. little. fucking. detail. about their lives and their personal business. Stuff that you or I or your neighbor down the way doesn’t need to know anything about and nothing in any of our lives will be any better for having heard about it. Stuff like…..

….this shit.

“Tori talks about Liam’s birthday party”.

“Tori and Dean throw Liam a monkey-themed celeb baby bash.”

(Opinion piece!) “Do you think Candy should’ve attended her grandson’s birthday party?”

DO YOU THINK I GIVE A HOT SHIT?!?!

Putting aside the monetary attraction of reality shows to the television networks, WHY in the hell would anyone need to know ALL this information about complete strangers??? About Tori Spelling and Dean McWhatever?? I mean, can you imagine going to a radio station, going on air and telling a few hundred thousand people that you’ll never meet what the sex of your unborn baby is? Sure! Why not? They’re all going to send a gift now, right? Or make a donation in your baby’s name to a well deserving charity? Right?? Right?!? Oh wait, no, never mind – none of that will happen, it’s just more personal information about you and your family that was just de-valued at whatever cost your soul is selling for these days.

And then you get this mess:

When these dipshits split up I better not see one bit of complaining about ‘tabloid scandal’ that led to the death of their picture perfect marriage. Uh, no, dumbass, the only scandal would be that even with all the cameras up your ass you still couldn’t see what the fuck was going on.

And in case you somehow get drawn in by all the blinking Java and spend a bit too much time on the lackofOxygen site, please remember to visit their ‘Games’ section before you leave. Tori and the Deanster have some “brain health” games for you to check out, like this memory matcher. (That’s how they were advertised during an Oxygen tv commercial, as games for your brain I kid you not.) Might come in handy for making sure your frontal lobes haven’t fried from all this enriching television.

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