A couple of weeks ago, we discovered that
memorial M&Ms could just be the perfect after-funeral party favor to celebrate the life of a recently passed loved one. Well, Friends, I am pleased to inform you that, when Grandma finally kicks it, you now have an even more special and long-lasting way to preserve her memory – by turning that Grandma into a bitchin’ piece of jewelry.

LifeGem offers you the opportunity to convert the pain of your loss into a sweet-ass 1.5 carat diamond. But how? You thought only a substantial financial inheritance could do that, and with the nursing home gobbling up funds, it’s looking more and more like you’ll be lucky to get a 500 buck CD out of the deal. Fret not, because thanks to a patented process, a one-of-a-kind gem can now be made from Grandma’s cremated remains as a symbol of your undying love.

According to the company website, carbon is captured from the remains and converted to graphite under high temperature, then placed in a diamond press. If you decide to bury Grandma, carbon can also be culled from a lock of hair. “The more time in the press, the larger the resulting rough diamond crystal.” How big is your love? It’s up to you! Finally, the diamond is cut according to customer specification, and inspected and graded by professional gemologists. Color options include blue, white, red, green, and yellow, and prices range from approximately $4,000 to $25,000.

From the LifeGem website:

The LifeGem® is a certified, high-quality diamond created from the
carbon of your loved one as a memorial to their unique life, or as a symbol of your personal and precious bond with another.

LifeGem diamonds are molecularly identical to natural diamonds found at any high-end jeweler. To qualify as diamonds, they must have the exact same brilliance, fire, and hardness (the hardest substance known) as diamonds from the earth, and of course, they do!

The website also includes Testimonials and Tributes from satisfied customers who have chosen to honor their family members in this unique way. Many are very touching, but Mrs. Hodgson’s story in particular pulled at my heartstrings:

I don’t think it was any accident that I found out about LifeGem shortly after my husband died. Then I thought can I really afford it? I thought about it for several months. Eventually I decided to go ahead.

I’m so glad I did. The Diamond is beautiful and absolutely unique. I have had it set into a ring and I know my husband would be very pleased, especially as I didn’t have an engagement ring.

J Hodgson (wife)

Yeah, Mr. Hodgson, it looks like your wife is still pissed about that engagement ring thing. So pissed that she made her own engagement ring out of your dead body. Zing! Talk about a blood diamond!

As I have mentioned before, I love me some rhinestones. I also love my parents, and the opportunity to couple these two interests is something no adoring daughter could pass up. While my folks are still puttering about, I take comfort in the fact that, someday, I have the option of turning them into a spectacular pair of earrings.

Also: LifeGem diamonds for pets, and the LifeGem Family Plan!