Every now and again, rarefied gems of such exquisite hipster stupidity come along that beg to be shared with everyone on the internets, regardless of whether or not that was their birthplace to begin with. See: Cobrasnake, shirts with ironic sayings printed on, Merkley (very fond of the topless girl hipster photo, that one), swapping STDs like so many Garbage Pail Kids cards in 1985 and, as ever, good old, trusty old American Apparel!

Welcome back to But Enough About You, the hipster overshare portion of the week where my douche is your douche. It’s a Douchefest! A Douche-For-All! There’s always plenty of douche for everyone!

You may already know that the various blogs and bulletins hipsters post on myspace.com and the like are a veritable goldmine for this sort of thing. A treasure chest full of idiocy, trust fund baby spit-up and temper tantrums about how “this city will eat you alive and then spit you out into the gutter at (insert undesirable residential area here, i.e. Jersey, Long Beach, the Marina District).” Poor hipsters! It’s so hard on them, especially since, you know, they have no real friends. Tsk, tsk.

Today’s featured hipster has a lot on her mind, namely snakes and deaths. It’s difficult to tell if this was written high on coke or suffering desperately from withdrawal of said drug, but either way, it’s precious in the way that only a paranoid, self-absorbed hipster can be:

Subject: Quotes from emails I sent someone a long time ago.

Comfort = Death. Little deaths each time. You have to trash things and start over if it’s not working. Don’t worry about repercussions. Sort those out when you get where you want to be, on the other side. Don’t worry about losing friends. The real ones will always pull through for you. But these are VERY rare and you should not hope or expect certain people to follow you down your paths. Assume they WON’T and focus on yourself; you will only be pleasantly surprised in the future if some actually do. Do what you have to do. Have fun if you need it. Do crazy shit if it means shaking the foundation of your ‘cozy little life’ because sometimes it is the coils of a snake slowly drawing your life away as you cling to its comfort and consistency.

Well, I don’t know about y’all, but that explains SO MUCH. I thought I just needed more fiber.

*Contributed by SkinnyBoneJones*