Every now and again, rarefied gems of such exquisite hipster stupidity come along that beg to be shared with everyone on the internets, regardless of whether or not that was their birthplace to begin with. See: Cobrasnake, shirts with ironic sayings printed on, Merkley (very fond of the topless girl hipster photo, that one), swapping STDs like so many Garbage Pail Kids cards in 1985 and, as ever, good old, trusty old American Apparel!

Welcome back to But Enough About You, the hipster overshare portion of the week where my douche is your douche. It’s a Douchefest! A Douche-For-All! There’s always plenty of douche for everyone!

You may already know that the various blogs and bulletins hipsters post on myspace.com and the like are a veritable goldmine for this sort of thing. A treasure chest full of idiocy, trust fund baby spit-up and temper tantrums about how “this city will eat you alive and then spit you out into the gutter at (insert undesirable residential area here, i.e. Jersey, Long Beach, the Marina District).” Poor hipsters! It’s so hard on them, especially since, you know, they have no real friends. Tsk, tsk.

Today’s featured hipster is just bursting with need-to-know morsels about herself. She is an open book in every sense of the word. I really hope that your hipster goggles are nearby, because this shit might actually trigger your vertigo IF you can get through it without stopping to squirt bleach into your brain via the ear canal with a turkey baster first. Welcome to the best of Cheyenne’s scintillating ABOUT ME section:

Love me some individuals who use a dictionary, especially the OED, love me some good intellectual conversations about nothing, deciphering love letters…Love people with pessimistic outlooks, as well as, unrealistic optimists, i appreciate people that forgive me, however, i do not reciprocate. i appreciate a good story of heartbreak, especially when i star in them. I am not here for your entertainment, love me some inspirational moments in history…love me some “quiet time”, gotta love the ___ educational staff, they be well spoken and stuff=hard on! I enjoy being an anomaly, i love it at least once a day, not once a week!

love it when i am completely misunderstood (Oh, good so she knows she’s a glue sniffer. ~Ed.) its a really good conversation starter, i enjoy the intimidation i see in your eyes and body language when i first meet you, and every meeting after that…i like the feeling of nervousness i get when i see you, i cherish genuine smiles as much as i cherish genuine apologies, i equally enjoy being the biggest b*tch and being the most loyal friend you’ll ever have, i am an introvert, i love the feeling of complete (blank), i enjoy being bellicose…i am a perpetual wall builder…i enjoy going on tangents…i enjoy being told what to do, but only when i allow you to… i can run circles round you, not physically speaking of course, i mean i can do that too, but… oh never mind.

Throughly enjoy being disliked…Not concerned about your feelings, but i will play nice. Not afraid to take it all back, nor, to leave it all behind…

I don’t know about y’all, but I think I’ve found my new BFF!

Disclaimer: I inserted two line breaks. I’m sorry. I inserted two line breaks and I omitted location detail, to protect Cheyenne, such as, but the “(blank)” is all hers, yo.

*Contributed by SkinnyBoneJones*

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