If it’s not distasteful enough that John Edwards screwed around on his cancer-stricken wife with a woman who, several months later, delivered a baby, I think his Billie Jean “the kid is not my son” lies are bugging me even more now.

Baby’s not your kid? You don’t know anything about that photo in the National Enquirer of you holding a baby in hotel room a few weeks ago in the middle of the night? You don’t know how or why Rielle Hunter, also known as Bea Arthur Junior, has been receiving money from your friends and supporters for so many months?

How about you get a paternity test and slither away until then, douchebag. Because your lies are insulting and ridiculous and bordering on pathological now.

What irks me most about this story is the arrogance. If you’re running for president, you might want to either keep your dick in your pants or put on a condom (ED: See our Safe Sex coverage, John, for information on a wide array of condom choices). If he’d actually won the nomination, he would have screwed the Democratic party royally. I can’t believe he didn’t bow out of the race knowing this story would surely come out. Clearly, there might be some mental health issues at play here. Like Narcissistic Personality Disorder or something. Analyze away, bitches!