Hello all. Today we introduce our very own advice columnist, Cindybin. Cindybin is a special woman who believes that most of life’s most pleasurable activities are deeply disgusting. Please, send along your questions to Cindybin at buttercuppunch [at] gmail [dot] com. if you’re looking for a different kind of advice columnist. And now, let us begin with the first questions to our darling Cindybin:

Dear Cindybin:

My boyfriend and I are both virgins and we want to hold onto our virginity until marriage. However, we are heavily into oral sex. Is that OK? Are we really still virgins?

Sincerely, Cocksucker

Dear )@!(!*#(*($&#

That is disgusting! I am sickened that you would even ask this question. You are an evil slut. I am complaining to WordPress. But, if you and your boyfriend need something to do while awaiting your legality, may I recommend some doll collecting, cake-decorating and crocheting? All of those hobbies will keep you out of trouble in addition to giving you many happy hours of togetherness that do not involve carnal sins. As well, you could consider cooking together. Go to my blog to find some yummy low-carb recipes that will keep you both thin and untainted in the eyes of the Lord.

___

Dear CindyBin:

Is ejaculate good for the complexion?

Sincerely, Jizzella

Dear Jizzella:

You are a filthy whore. Once again, I am complaining to WordPress. But if it’s protein you’re after, please refer to my blog for some scrumptious low-carb concoctions that I am sure could be applied to your face for the purpose of improving your complexion. Eggs, for example. Or lean fish — try applying a raw tuna fillet to your face and see what happens. It’s worth a try and is certainly a better aid to the complexion than the depraved practice you are alluding to in your disgusting question. You sicken me.

Advertisements