Every now and again, rarefied gems of such exquisite hipster stupidity come along that beg to be shared with everyone on the internets. See: Cobrasnake, shirts with ironic sayings printed on them, Merkley (very fond of the topless girl hipster photo, that one), swapping STDs like so many Garbage Pail Kids cards in 1985 and, as ever, good old, trusty old American Apparel! (ZOMG, did you hear? Dov Charney seems to have lost his dog. Too bad it was the wee puppy and not his crusty ween instead.)

You may already know that the various blogs and bulletins hipsters post on myspace.com and the like are a veritable goldmine for this sort of thing. A treasure chest full of idiocy, trust fund baby spit-up and temper tantrums about how “this city will eat you alive and then spit you out” or “you might not see me out for a few nights because I am getting a REAL job it’s time to get serious about my life” or “my friends trashed the flat my parents pay for at last night’s after party, boo hoo hoo.”

Poor hipsters! It’s so hard on them, especially since, you know, they have no real friends. Tsk, tsk.

Welcome back to But Enough About You…the hipster overshare portion of the week where my douche is your douche! It’s a Douchefest! A Douche-For-All! I apologize for my absence last week, but I trust y’all were stupendously riveted by other tasty gems, so without further ado let’s call this one Self-Titled:

SUBJECT: looking for a book to borrow

just finished reading the first two and now i don’t have $$ to buy the 3rd/4th.. if you happen to have a copy of either that i could borrow, i would be in your debt! will only take me 24hrs to read each, so you don’t have to worry about them being gone for weeks on end….

The book? Stephenie Meyer’s Eclipse, the third book in the YA series “Twilight.” About vampires. Yes, vampires. Hipsters! Reading books about blood-sucking ticks in the shape of human beings. Kind of like, well, HIPSTERS! I initially wondered if I should give him a bit of a pass. He’s poor, I thought sadly, so poor he can’t afford books for teenagers and at least he’s reading, isn’t he, in addition to posting bulletins on myspace?

Then I read a blog entry at the wonderful Damage Noted and I realized that HELL NO, being a poor hipster does not excuse you from not knowing about the bloody LIBRARY, or using said libraries instead of publicly shaming yourself with your thirteen-year-old girl taste in literature. Even the homeless know better, dude. For God’s sake, you’re already wearing girl jeans, get a hold of yourself! If you’re blowing your weekly allowance on coke, the least you can do is get a fucking library card.

If that didn’t quite do it for you, perhaps this will:

Up next week: An expose on exactly how male hipsters cram their junk into their tiny, tiny girl pants!

*Contributed by SkinnyBoneJones*
Advertisements