Earlier this week one of our readers wrote us and asked for some advice on getting down menage a trois style. This is a tricky area of freaky-deaky and one that should not be entered into without careful consideration and resolve. I’m certainly not an ‘expert’ on the topic but I have participated in various multiple partner pairings (MFM, FMF, FFF, MFMF) so my thoughts after the jump.

1. Don’t be coerced into doing something you’re not otherwise fully interested in.

The typical reaction to the topic of threesome is “”pathetic male fantasy”, wherein the dude is serviced by two women at the same time or gets to enjoy the visual stimulation of watching two women in bed together. Sounds like a great time for dude and a lot of work for the ladies, right? Ladies, if this what your man has been whispering in your ear about and you are less than excited about the idea then don’t do it. A threesome should be a highly erotic experience for ALL parties, which means at least two of you are going to need to have some serious and honest discussions beforehand about what you hope to get out of it.

2. Know your fantasy as well as your partners.

What kind of threesome gets you hot thinking about it? Is it girl-guy-girl? Guy-girl-guy? Daisy chain? Okay, what actually happens? Let’s go with the example of a girl, her male partner and a third girl. How would you feel if your partner was having penetrative sex with the third? Is that a turn-on or does the thought make you insanely jealous? Would you prefer to be the only one having sex with the third? Is your partner okay with that? What if two of you end up pairing off in the heat of things and leave someone unattended for a bit, would that be the worst thing that could happen? What if you and your partner had sex and the third acted as a voyeur, would that heighten the experience? It might seem tedious or exhaustive to talk through so many different scenarios but that is exactly what you should be doing before wandering into threesome territory, trust me on this. Without knowing exactly what your fantasy and your partners fantasy is, you leave the door wide open for all kinds of hurt feelings and huge misunderstandings.

3. Friend or stranger?

Ahh, the eternal question. Do I want to fuck people I know and risk altering an established friendship or do I look for some strange? This is really going to depend on you and the people you know. I honestly can’t say one way or the other that one is better or worse, just think carefully about the decision and above all PRACTICE SAFE SEX. If you decide that going outside the pool of people you know is the better option but don’t know where to look for a third, allow me to introduce you to the internet and the “lifestyle”. The swinging lifestyle, that is. There are lots of forums, message boards, whathaveyou where people post personal ads for just such a thing. You can also check out local alternative papers or even Craigslist if you dare. Again, I refer you back to #2 for things like hygiene, mutual attraction, etc.

Go with what you know: I’ve had threesomes with friends, both male and female. In my experience the sexing I did with my girlfriend worked out as the better option, probably because I knew her well and was closer friends with her than I was with the male friend. (These were two separate pairings, btw). With my girlfriend it was more of shared experience, we were very good friends and each time we found ourselves in a 3-way sitch it was spontaneous and the guy was someone we were both attracted to and wanted to sleep with. The fact that we weren’t opposed to sexual contact with each other was more like a fantastic complimentary wine instead of being the main course. Because of our friendship I never felt weird afterwards and neither did she, but obviously every friendship is different. With my male friend it was actually more awkward for him, at least initially. He was asked to join me and my BF at the time, I believe my BF broached the topic first of wanting to see me with another man. My friend (he was really ‘our’ friend) did the typical act-like-it’s-no-big-thang but when it came time he was hella nervous. All of a sudden the plans changed and suddenly he thought it would be “hot” if he pretended to film us as we got started. So he grabs the camera and makes like a director (albeit a silent one), moving around the bed with us in the lens. I was busy, well, getting busy but after a while I noticed that Marty Scorsese over there not only was still fully dressed but was wearing these blacked out Terminator sunglasses indoors as he kept that camera pressed tightly to his eye. To make a long story short, he was nervous as hell and thought if he dimmed the view it would keep him from exploding in his pants. Eventually he made it into the bed with us and sexing ensued, but later he and I would end up meeting up on our own for sex so yeah, refer to #2.

So, boys and girls, in conclusion; threesomes are an exciting, highly charged and sexually thrilling experience that can heighten physical and mental pleasure for all involved. Can they spice up a boring sex life? Absolutely. Will they ‘fix’ a failing relationship? No, likely the opposite. A threesome and your participation in it can be as tame or as adventurous as you like, the key is to think long and hard (heh heh) about what you want, have VERY honest discussions with your partner about what you BOTH want and don’t want, and set those boundaries in place. Whether you choose to invite a friend into the bed or pick up a hot stranger at a lifestyle party, above all, be SAFE in your sex practices. And then come back here and tell me all about it, you naughty thing.

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