Hello again, dear readers, and welcome back to BCP’s most sapphically satiating Friday feature, Sugar Walls! This week, while the eyes of the world were trained on Denver and the Democratic Party, three tirelessly masculine souls gathered to discuss and debate the most important issues facing us in these challenging and uncertain of times. While we may not always agree on what constitutes a soft butch, or what Queen Latifah’s deal is, or how to grill a ribeye so it’s just right, we are still able to come together around a common vision, likely of scantilly-clad femmes. Join resident tomboys Bowling4Dollars, M, and BritneyCanadaWhore as they put their ruggedly handsome heads together to tackle all this and more at this year’s Butch National Convention.

See If We Can, after the jump!


M: I think we first need to decide what kind of butch KD lang is
B4D: right
Canada: you know i’ve always wanted to talk about that. I say soft butch/cowboy butch. cowbutch?
B4D: soft butch is probably right
M: totally soft butch
Canada: hate to use the word to define itself, but she has a softness to her
B4D: cuz in the words of my sister, she looks like a cute boy
M: right, her face is sorta soft, not like you know, rugged features
Canada: I feel like she’s on the butcher end of the soft butch spectrum, though, you know?
M: or a huge man jaw
Canada: right. she looks boyish/butch, but not like John Goodman

Canada: okay, ellen.
M: ellen is so femme.
B4D: sporty tomboy?
Canada: yeah, i’d put ellen as soft butch too
M: she’s not as butch as KD. she wears see-through blouses
Canada: yeah but tv makes her
M: not even shirts, or fag shirts
Canada: the housewives can only handle so much gay in their faces.
B4D: that’s true
M: you think so? but her wedding pics! she’s femme in them. that’s her wedding, not some tv show
Canada: no, totally. and she’s wearing a tailored suit, which is totes her style. but it’s true that she’s less butch than k.d. also k.d. is canadian so she could probably chop down a tree and build a cabin and have ellen over to it.(aka butcher)

M: right. does she [KD Lang] count as andro butch?
Canada: yeah, I guess. don’t throw that one around much though. androbutch sounds like a character in BSG
M: it’s hard to use andro correctly, it’s for robots. cyborgs
Canada: or cylons
M: what is BSG?
Canada: um, battlestar gallactica?
M: yeah, I don’t watch that.

Canada: god, what kind of fag ARE YOU

M: oh, ok, what about long hair butches?
Canada: who drive 75 ram chargers?
M: like the ones who grew up not being allowed to cut their hair ever. like the taliban lives in the USA
Canada: butches: letting the terrorists win since 1965
M: there’s tons of them in l.a.
B4D: like a shane but with long hair?
Canada: shane does have long hair

Canada: they’re like kid rock sorta
M: yes, it always looks like the person doesn’t really want long hair; they do the least possible to keep it up
Canada: so they’re like, repressed, you’re saying?
M: almost like they would rather it fell off on its own. Tethered. yes
Canada: I don’t know, straight dudes can have long hair and not be repressed
M: or maybe they just don’t care about appearances?
Canada: what’s repressing them, their vaginas? if anything long hair is like, damn your gendered haircut normativity
M: the expectation that women should have long hair?
Canada: exactly. their vaginas. But what i’m saying is, why can’t they be just as masculine and have long hair and be female? like kid rock? because you KNOW they’re female that you think it’s repression?
M: kid rock looks like a wet rat to me
Canada: he is so gross and I hate that song
M: anyone who STRIVES to look like that has something wrong, no? ‘I want my hair to be clumpy and dingy and oily all at once!’
Canada: and wear stained beaters! and press my face against fake titties!
B4D: ugh. I hate him
M: see, I thought we were talking about hair
M: ok ok so long hair == not caring what the hair looks like OR not being able to cut it off?
Canada: some butches have long hair. this may or may not be due to having repression issues, possibly a love of the song sweet home alabama

B4D: like, I don’t mind wearing a dress
B4D: but it’s pretty rare
Canada: I would pay good money to see you in a dress, bowling
M: ok, ok, queen latifah?
B4D: hmmm
Canada: ooh
B4D: closeted butch
M: she can do butch so well, and then she can wear a bombass red gown. I am confused!
Canada: she’s like . . . street. she’s hip hop. she’s sporty. she’s a diva butch.
B4D: oh – I feel her on the dresses thing then. makeup too
Canada: she can do whatever she wants, she’s queen latifah
M: aha! B4D is like queen latifah! this is very informative after all
Canada: i’m just saying, she’s def-o butchy, but she’s also femmy, and as I recall the lovely femmes listed sportier, tomboyish categories of femme too. I just think she’s complex.
B4D: right. that’s why I was confused about me as far as categories
M: maybe its where the spectrum meets butch and femme
Canada: haha. you can be butch, femme, or queen latifah. she is the third space.

M: exactly

See here for category definitions:



Tune in next week for Part II of the 2008 Butch National Convention!

*Contributed by Bowling4Dollars, M & BritneyCanadaWhore*