Welcome back to Sugar Walls, where the dashing lesbians of BCP keep it real and give it to you straight!  (well, you know what I mean.)  This week the Republicans have been hamming it up in St.Paul, but who wants to talk about that when we have part II of the Butch National Convention!  (Click here for Pt 1)  Join our favorite tomboys Bowling4Dollars, M, and BritneyCanadaWhore; hold out your hand and let yourself be led gently but firmly through more layers of butchdom until you arrive in a brave new world.

ONION TOMBOY

B4D: I like to get dirty and fix stuff
M: did you wear suits? and ties?
B4D: so occassional black tie stuff – I would wear a little black dress instead of a black tie
Canada: what’d you wear to your prom/grad, if you had one/went?
M: I skipped prom, I wore slacks to grad. I was out in HS
Canada: I wore a dress to my grad but I was voted prom king. Does that even it out?
M: who was queen?
Canada: my best gay
B4D: I wore a dress. but i went with a gay guy
M: do you two mostly date femmes?
B4D: yes. Always
Canada: me too. I dated a soft butch once on a rebound and it was not the stuff dreams are made of. one day I was like, hi. we’re going to the bus station now and you’re getting on a bus and i’m not.
B4D: my only rule is that they have to be more femme than me
Canada: how bout you M? femmes? or are you more into the bois
M: no no, strictly femmes for M
Canada: okay, lets’ talk about the word tomboy, can we?
B4D: let’s do
Canada: bowling, what’s a tomboy?
B4D: see I think it’s someone who 99% of the time doesn’t think about anything girly. like today I have on khaki shorts and a golf shirt and flip flops. I own a 132 piece mechanic’s tool set and I know how to use it. but I can also clean up pretty decent and look somewhat girly, but with a touch of what I call “flavor”.   does that even make sense?
M: bowling, is Canada a tomboy?
B4D: hmmm.  Yeah.   I think both of you are, but then you add layers to it
Canada: like an onion?
B4D: but I am saying that deep down, we all probably feel pretty much the same, there are just varying levels
Canada: we are the world, then?  should we be holding hands?
M: but Canada and I never try to look girly, though
M: doesn’t that exclude us from the tomboy definition?
B4D: but that’s where we’re different
B4D: like, I don’t look girly unless i’m going to something special
B4D: when I went out sat, I had on a western shirt, jeans and sandals
M: girl sandals or boy sandals?
Canada: excellent question. Were they MANDALS?
B4D: boy sandals. GBX
Canada: nice. means you had the adMANtage

Canada: so, what’s left re: categories, anything? sporty butches? nike dykes? (colloquialism) butch attitudes? ourselves more?
M: yes, we should do some sporty ones, and then ourselves
B4D: there’s also what I would call city butches and country butches
B4D: like I would fix something (If I knew how) before calling someone. that is wat I call country butch
Canada: but a city (cough DANDY) butch would call someone?
B4D: M, Skinny says you are a city butch
M: wait doesn’t everyone do that?
B4D: yep – you’d call someone
M: only if I can’t fix something or don’t have the tools
B4D: right
M: for example, brakes on my car – fuck that, I take it in.
Canada: you mean if it doesn’t require a plastic hammer?
B4D: right. well, that is a matter of personal safety – I ain’t fixing my own brakes – although I have
M: but you know, the sink or toilet thing breaks, just go get whatevs you need
B4D: right
M: so pliers : yeah, I’ll fix it. but anything beyond that, I just don’t have the time
B4D: yep, sometimes its just for satisfaction – or for showing off ;)
M: ok what else do country butches do?
B4D: mow. fix cars. fix anything their gals want them to
M: people do that here too, in the burbs
Canada: sporty butches. let’s discuss this wily and elusive category of tomboys – their natural habitats include gyms, lesbian-frequented pool halls, dark dyke bar walls, and sports experts.
M: I play softball
Canada: I play BASEball
M: I find that a lot of them are like the long hair butches
Canada: that’s what I was getting at – there’s a lot of overlap in the world of sports
B4D: right
Canada: I think that’s largely because sports are seen as masculine, so any woman playing sports immediately gets a “tomboy” moniker
B4D: I dated a Miss former beauty queen and she was a sporty one
Canada: hot
Canada: M, tell us about dyke softball. what kind of butches does one find at such an event?
M: it’s actually co ed . so there are fags as well.
Canada: aw, so you can go!
M: most of the butches are of the long haired variety in softball
B4D: I used to play third base
Canada: insert obligatory third base joke here
B4D: and I had long hair – a butch ponytail
M: yes, butch pony tails, visors, etc
Canada: visors!!
Canada: B4D, don’t you still have a butch ponytail? and M, are there fights?
B4D: yes
M: there is drama, but no physical fights
Canada: I heard the brooklyn dyke softball players fight
M: people on the same team will date and break up
B4D: oh no
Canada: oh god
M: and then it is awkward as ass
Canada: do you always play the same position? god the joke possibilities are just endless
Canada: do you slap each other’s asses? like real men?
B4D: I had to move to right field. I tore up my shoulder
Canada: oh BITCH. right field is so bitch
M: mostly second base, sometimes third, sometimes catcher
B4D: yeah, basically sat out there and watched girls all night. nothing comes your way
M: I am not that touchy feely of a person, so no, I don’t touch or hug my teammates
M: an occasional high five is enough for me
Canada: how stone of you

DRAG

Canada: women in men’s clothes makes baby jesus cry
M: I don’t even know my sizes in women’s clothing
Canada: yeah me neither. do you own bras?
M: I do, but they are sport bras.   I mean, I have to
Canada: I used to own a sports bra. in grade 8.  I’m lucky though, i’m not well-endowed.
M: I hate having to buy bras.   It’s so ridiculous.
Canada: dude, I just found out recently they cost like 40 dollars!

Canada: the important question is this: why are drag kings never entertaining.
M: dude, you are so wrong. Faiken’ Clay Aiken was a riot
Canada: I need to come see some serious san fran shows where they do it up right because up here man, HOOOO
M: and fella femm? my dick!
Canada: no WAY
M: YUP
B4D: faiken clay aiken – hilare
Canada: do you like drag kings bowling?
B4D: to watch? yeah!

STONE BUTCH

M: ok, does anyone know any stone butches?
Canada: oh fuck yeah I do
B4D: I don’t personally
M: I have only known of one, but not a close friend
M: or someone I could ask all sorts of intrusive questions
B4D: Canada – is it true they don’t want their femmes touching them sexually? I can’t imagine that
M: they don’t want them touching certain parts, like breasts…this one I knew about apparently only sexed with her clothes on.   I mean, except you know, with clearance for a strap on
Canada: well, I really can’t speak for everyone, but yeah. “stone butch” is a term that came out of the butch/femme culture of the 50s and 60s
Canada: and often times the butches were living through really traumatizing violence at the hands of the police and the public, and as a result a lot of butches just couldn’t go there, you know. just couldn’t get over it.
Canada: some feel a disconnect with their body and their gender identity/sexuality
B4D: well, i’m not one to judge, but it’s so fun to feel skin on skin!

YOURS TRULY
Canada: should we talk about ourselves more? or have we been sufficiently navel-gazey?
M: canada, what kind of butch are you?
Canada: if i had a dollar for every time . . .
B4D: $$$$$
M: ok, let’s say you were putting up an ad for eHarmony
M: how would you describe yourself
Canada: I don’t know man, I just go with butch, usually. no qualifiers. some might call me soft (i wouldn’t), and i’m not stone. Depends on where you’re coming from I guess.
B4D: that sounds good, from what I know about you
Canada: and “tomboy” is a catchall, but doesn’t necessarily equal butch, in my opinion. M?
M: I’m definitely more of a fag butch I like fag pants, smelling good, having awesome hair, etc
Canada: You are totally a fagbutch. dandy butch
B4D: Yeah
Canada: I was asking my one, truly stone friend once – what’s the butch equivalent of metrosexual? like, if you’ve got a butch/femme couple and they both take an hour to get ready
B4D: and she said “M”
M: hahah yes! no that’s the thing, i don’t take long to get ready
Canada: metrobutch?
M: I like it
B4D: but you look like you do
M: MB
Canada: nice one. sounds official, too. like, M faggybutch, MB
B4D: you just coined a new term

Canada: would you call yourself a country butch, bowling?
B4D: no. I do country butch things but I’m probably a soft butch
M: what about you canada? are you a country butch?
Canada: well I do own a cowboy hat and several country shirts and i play the guitar, banjo, and soon dobro. but no, I can’t say I’m country because I’ve only ever lived in cities and that would be posing
M: ok. city butch
Canada: yeah. but i wouldn’t just call anyone to help me fix my car. I’d call B4DB4D: do your gals refer to you ever as “the boys”? like, my femme friends will say, “Oh the boys will do that.” it’s obvs joke
M: yes, right, from femmes
B4D: but yeah
Canada: yeah, totally my gf refers to me as the cats’ dad
B4D: LOL to me, that is the simplest way to separate
Canada: boys and girls. ah, such clarity.
B4D: like when we’re at friend’s lake house, femmes are always like, we’ll get the boys to clean the boat, dock the boat, gas up the sea doos, etc
M: yes, someone always needs to take out the trash
B4D: LOL true
M: and that is us
B4D: right
Canada: kill the spiders. chase the bees
B4D: the butches place is wherever it’s dirty. or no one else wants to go. or do
Canada: now THAT is a true statement
B4D: see?
M: man the bbq!
B4D: YESSSS
Canada: i love grilling.
M: me too
B4D: me too
M: there we go
Canada: well that seems like as good a place as any to end

See here for category definitions:

Inside Our Sugar Walls:  All Things Femme Edition

http://lesbiansanddating.blogspot.com/2007/10/bit-of-lesbian-terminology.html#butch

*Contributed by Bowling4Dollars, M & BritneyCanadaWhore*
Advertisements