Welcome back to our Friday feature on BCP, “The Best Sex I Never Had: Sad Tales of Tail,” in which we invite our readers to submit their most humiliating, pathetic, and just-plain-awful sexual experiences for public consumption. Seriously, email us! It’s like a group therapy session with 1,000 of your closest friends. You’ll feel so much better after you share. If you would like to contribute, see the rules for submission at the end of this post.

Second-time contributor DottyZ has a story that I think many of us can relate to.  Innocently engaged in some old-fashioned sofa sex, she was shocked when her trusted partner pulled the bait-‘n-switch, a move guaranteed to produce disastrous results.  Details of the crime, after the jump.

DottyZ writes:

My ex-boyfriend and I broke up but, months later, found ourselves in that precarious state of still sleeping together while no longer in a relationship.  It was an emotional time for me, and I should have put a stop to it, but I couldn’t seem to say no until something terrible happened that forced me to put the kibosh on the whole affair.

One night, he came over to watch basketball with me.  We were drinking and one thing led to another, and the next thing you know, he had me bent over the couch.  I was enjoying myself, as I usually do during a good couch-bend, until he did something no man should EVER do to a woman:  He tried to sneak it in my ass.

Now mind you, we’d never had anal sex.  I’d never had anal sex with anyone.  And what’s worse, he was a rather large guy (6′ 11″, with a wang proportional to that body).  So, when he all of a sudden tries to stick that thing in an area that had until that point remained untouched, the pain was so excruciating that I instantly burst into tears.  It was just an immediate and uncontrollable reaction.  He quickly pulled it out and started apologizing profusely, but I was having none of it and told him to get the hell out.

What kind of man tries to stick his giant dick inside someone’s ass, not only without lube, but without even asking? An asshole – an asshole who’ll never get near my asshole again.

Can you top DorothyZbornak’s story? Is that good sex compared to what you’ve been through? If you’d like to contribute a sad tale of tail, please email: tarred.and.tailfeathered@gmail.com. Keep it short, sweet, and as explicit as you like. Include your preferred pseudonym. Please also be factual – this is not “Penthouse Forum.” And that’s it! We can’t wait to hear the gory details, so get to it. They’re posted in the order in which they’re received.