It’s Friday, which means we welcome you back to a BCP fave feature: Inside Our Sugar Walls!  This week we have something really fun for you as SkinnyBoneJones and the dashing M bring you the lowdown on lesbian porn, after the jump!

Have you ever lain awake at night, your mind swirling with the mind-boggling possibilities of lesbian porn, what kind of porn lesbians watch, where they get it? ZOMG! Us, too. It’s a problem.
What does it mean to be a lesbian and hunt for good porn? All lesbians like different sorts of porn, but how many actually like lesbian porn? And why do so many lesbians heart fag porn? (Settle down, PC Po-Po, we’re allowed. M identifies as fagbutch, remember? It’s BNC-endorsed. Her pants and hair are both very important to her.) To help guide you through this freaky foray into Lesbian Pornoland, we offer the Porn Spectrum:

SBJ tells you what to get and M tells you how to get it in this very special Sugar Walls post. (BEWARE: All links are very, very NSFW, so click from home, you trollops!)

SBJ: So, the first porn I really fell in love with remains my best standby, and that’s Hard Edge by Andrew Blake. If cheap French manicures, sloppily attached strap-ons or haggard actors have turned you off of porn (to say nothing of the prevalence of blatant misogyny, bad plots and even worse dialogue), I beseech you to give Hard Edge a whirl.
It’s 99% lesbian, with the women semi-getting it on with each other, and my favorite will always be bisexual actress Justine Joli, who is known for strictly working only with women or solo.

It’s also beautifully shot and there’s a consistent reverence for these women through Andrew Blake’s eyes, I think. This isn’t Crash Pad fucking (more on that later), this is very pretty girls in very pretty lingerie and very pretty makeup doing very naughty things to one another or themselves. The plot? Dark and ethereal, abstract. The dialogue? Non-existent. The soundtrack? It could be worse, but overall, you won’t be disappointed with Hard Edge. Also worth noting: Adriana, Justine and Girlfriends, but there’s tons more to choose from on his site. All delicious for lesbians and their fancy friends!
If Andrew Blake leaves you wanting something more substantially straight (like penetration – double or even tripled for your pleasure!), but still reasonably pretty and well made, you might want to check out Michael Ninn’s movies. They can get a little costume-y or dungeon-y, but it’s still above average porn.

For you fetishists, there’s always Belladonna (Fashionistas!). Those wild barebacking bisexual Brazilians are a good bet, too. Don’t be afraid of the The Hole and know that nothing beats gay vintage 70s porn, if it’s peen-on-peen love you’re craving.

For some good old, hardcore, strictly lesbian fucking (so rare and so rarely done well), let’s look at Crash Pad, and why it finally nailed quality lesbian porn. The website says it better than I could:

“This is the Key to the Crash Pad. Based on the Award Winning feminist porn The Crash Pad, Director Shine Louise Houston brings to the web authentic female and queer sexuality. Here you’ll find hot femme on femme, boi, dyke, strap-on, cocksucking, lesbian sex, and authentic orgasms.”

You can take this porn at face value, and it’s a damn good face. It’s a feminist, dirty, queer-positive, super-varied, sincere, I-dare-you-not-to-like-it HOT face, yo. Most importantly, IT IS REAL LESBIAN SEX. Not pretend lesbian sex, not made for dumb boys lesbian sex, not Katy-fucking-Perry lesbian sex, but hot, wet, nasty, multiple-orgasmed, San Francisco-style lesbian sex. As they say in the hip-hop, this is how we do, y’all.

M: Now that you know what to get, you’ll want to know where! Need it right now? Don’t want to leave the house or talk to people? Don’t worry, I’ve got you covered! Here are some suggestions (with pros and cons) so you can get your antsy hands on all the porn you could ever want.

Reputable Sex Shop
i.e. Good Vibes.
The bad: exorbitant rental fees, limited selection, ridiculous due dates, late fees, and seriously? Pirates???
The good: Movies have been reviewed by (several) staff members, accurate descriptions/synopsis, the staff is professional and eager to help you find exactly what you are want, even if you are nervous or feeling awkward.

Netflix-like Porn
i.e. SugarDVD.com.
The bad: Like netflix, it is a pain in the ass to mail movies back, manage your queue, and sift through poorly written user reviews
The good: Insanely huge selection, good categorization, the website is easy to use, the service is easy to cancel, there is a flat subscription fee, and they recently added pay-by-the-minute (have not tried this), and movie previews

Local Sketch Porn Shop
You know, THOSE ones with the weird little rooms and “arcades.”
The bad: Being in one can be overwhelming (small, cramped, too many things to look at), selecting porn becomes tiresome, impossible to compare/contrast ratings, prices may be inflated, staff is usually not very helpful
The good: insta-gratification

Your Cable Company
The bad: total hit or miss with movies, descriptions are usually inadequate, you are unlikely to find “hard-core” porn, and movie titles show up on your bill (or if you’re me, your expense report), must watch movie within a certain time limit
The good: You don’t even have to put on pants to procure porn

Hotel Room Porn
The bad: always expensive, movies end up being unfortunate, inflated ratings, no, uh, “return” policy
The good: You’re in hotel and probably on vacation?

Like in baseball, you can’t expect to hit a home run every time. There will be some trial and error to find something that makes you happy (and horny), so it is good to keep that in mind and not get discouraged by bad porn. If you are unsure about what you like and where to start, going to Good Vibes is a good (safe) place to get staff recommendations. Something like SugarDVD will require more guesswork and patience but it is cheaper for these experiments. Happy Hunting!

*Contributed by SkinnyBoneJones and M*

(Look for future BCP porn reviews brought to you by some bitches that know from porn. ~Ed.)

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