So I have been here almost a month now, and I have noticed some stark differences between my birthplace and this fine nation known as the United States of America. Here are some of the totally random things I have noticed:
1. Men are more chivalrous here. I have had more men stand and offer me their seat on the bus or subway than anywhere I have ever been in the world, including the UK, Spain, France, Switzerland, Germany, etc. They do it for all women, young and old, black and white, skinny or more corpulent. I used to stand in the streetcar at nine months pregnant in Canada and people would simply avert their eyes. I am impressed with American men on this front, even though the feminist in me at times wants to say: It’s OK, I can stand.
2. Except for Twix, Milky Way and Butterfinger, American chocolate bars largely suck ass compared to the delicacies to be found in any Canadian shithole. You haven’t lived until you’ve had a Caramilk, a Crunchy, a Coffee Crisp or a Mars Bar. The Milky Way with extra caramel comes close to a Mars, but no cigar. There are far too many nuts to be had in American chocolate bars, as well.
3. Washington men are HOT. I saw one of the finest looking men in the Metro today that I have ever laid eyes on. And I have the serious hots for my son’s guidance counsellor, who looks like Blair Underwood. Yes please. But no thanks, I can’t, you are my son’s guidance counsellor. And you are HOT, did I mention that? HOT!
4. Cheese is cheap here. I don’t know why that is.
5. Women are so amazing about telling you when you’re wearing something nice. I have been told three times: “Nice shoes!” by women on the subway. Then we end up talking about where I got them, and they tell me about where they got theirs — it’s all so nice. Not to racially stereotype, but white women are so uptight by comparison, and I include myself in that generalization. Until I moved here I would never have had the guts to say to a stranger: “Hey, I LOVE those Mary-Janes!” Now, I just might try it.
ButtercupPunch - "La clique, c’est chic!" 
September 18, 2008 at 10:23 am
There are no Mars bars in the US of A? Thank can’t be right!
I miss the Cherry Ripe bars I lived on in Australia.
Is it actual cheese, or just plastic sold under the guise of cheese? [/cheese snob]
September 18, 2008 at 10:23 am
Thank = that. Obviously.
September 18, 2008 at 10:25 am
I do miss American friendliness. As warm as people are in the Mediterranean, it’s not the same as the yack-your-face-off-ness of the typical US’er, even my fellow cranky New Yorkers.
September 18, 2008 at 10:30 am
I just know we have Mars bars here. WTF?
Trix, you should totally pull a Carmela Soprano and go for it with your son’s guidance counselor.
September 18, 2008 at 10:31 am
Hag: I bought the best hunk of something at Whole Foods. It was awesome and pungent — sort of a really sharp Gouda. And only five bucks for a huge chunk. Also, Vermont cheddar, huge wedges, also very cheap!
Unfortunately, there is no sign of the Canada-made Ace Bakery rosemary-and-sea salt toasts. My favourite cracker in the world. And not one of you, except BritneyCanadaWhore, will probably ever be able to sample it.
September 18, 2008 at 10:33 am
MBB: If there are Mars Bars here, I have never seen them. But I will now look with a renewed passion!
September 18, 2008 at 10:35 am
@Trixie: You are too cute.
September 18, 2008 at 10:42 am
@Trixie: Well, really good cheese is really good. I approve. And am reminded that I really need to swing by the market tomorrow morning because I’ve had to resort to supermarket cheese and even though that’s still better than most of the stuff you can buy abroad, it ain’t much!
I fear for my studying abroad period and the eating habits that will emerge from it.
September 18, 2008 at 10:43 am
yeah, the chocolate here is not as good as the stuff you get in Canadaland. I’m talking about easy to find stuff. Crunchies are my all time fav and I either have to order them from a British food import place or grab them whenever I travel out of the country. random UK festival vendors will have them sometimes.
and you should totally go for it with the counselor, our schools are rife with inappropriate sexual activity – did no-one tell you?
September 18, 2008 at 10:49 am
LOL. White women are only uptight in DC.
I nearly had a coronary when I was in Chicago and people were being curteous and complementing me on random stuff. It’s just this part of the country.
Pretty soon you will start to notice that there is an unspoken dress code in DC.
September 18, 2008 at 10:53 am
@Trixie: I love rosemary crackers! There, I said it. If you are looking for a US substitute for your beloved rosemary and sea salt crackers, try Margaret’s Artisan Flat Breads. The high end grocery stores around me carry them. If you can’t find those, I think you can get Wisecrackers from Whole Foods and Trader Joe’s. And, if you haven’t acquinted yourself with Trader Joe’s yet, please do so immediately. If you think Whole Foods (Whole Paycheck) has Cheap Cheese? You have no idea! I just checked and TJ’s is in you neck of the woods. Go now. I’ll wait here.
September 18, 2008 at 10:59 am
Amoureuse, do tell about the dress code!!!
September 18, 2008 at 11:04 am
TJ’s?? What is TJ’s?
September 18, 2008 at 11:13 am
Trader Joe’s = TJ’s.
September 18, 2008 at 11:28 am
ooooh Trader Joe’s. Divine cheese is indeed to be had there and it is much cheaper than Whole Food’s. Their white bean hummus is outstanding too. Oh, and the goat cheese and walnut salad. And the frozen banana waffles. I’m clearly hungry.
September 18, 2008 at 11:34 am
Trix, you’re adorable!
I am more gracious now than I used to be (pre-lesbian) about chivalry. It’s almost like the dawning of my gay renewed my ability to appreciate it.
I do truly love chocolate and cheese. Mm.
White women can be uptight everywhere! Until you make the first move, then they knock it off and act like real people for the most part. (“Sugar, would you like me to tuck your tag in?” “That lip gloss is amazing on you.” “I love your outfit!” “That is such a pretty necklace.”)
Anyway, because we live in such shitty times of rewarding backbiting, catty, rude, self-centered behavior, I try and go out of my way to create some positive girl-on-girl energy. Not to sound like a hippie or anything, but it’s better than condoning or perpetuating girl-on-girl crime!
Hurrah for American Trixie!
September 18, 2008 at 11:34 am
@mllejanine: I recently discovered their Pub Cheese. That shit’s like crack. Can’t stop eating it. Trix, pick up a tub of Pub Cheese for your Wisecrackers as long as you’re out. Also, I’m lazy so the garlic and basil cubes from the freezer section are a must have. 1 cube = 1 clove of garlic.
Is this a thread jack? Sorry. I hope it’s okay. If not, please start a Trader Joe’s/Whole Foods post. I could go on for days.
September 18, 2008 at 11:38 am
Trix, do they have KitKat in Canada? It’s my fav. The crispy wafers, the sensouous contrast of the milk chocolate…I want to have sex with KitKat bars. No, scratch that- I want to make love with KitKat bars.
September 18, 2008 at 11:46 am
Speaking crispy wafer chocolate goodness, this guy at my job brings in these Polish chocolate wafers, and they are the most delicious version I’ve ever had in my life. EVER.
September 18, 2008 at 11:55 am
Coopergirl: I love those frozen herb cubes! So handy! The ginger is particularly fab, since grated fresh ginger can be a bit of a pain in the ass.
Amoureuse: Let’s have a date at Trader Joe’s!
September 18, 2008 at 11:55 am
Kat: KitKats are huge in Canada, KittieKat!
September 18, 2008 at 12:15 pm
@Trixie: You surely mean “Kitkatastic”.
September 18, 2008 at 12:16 pm
@Coopergirl: Oooh, I’ll check it out!
The candy bar thing is funny. Crunch is out of the world yummy in France, I was like, why have I never known this? Why did nowhere ever tell me? Got home, picked up a bar, ewwww. Not the same.
Also, thank jeebus the amazing cheddar Bugles abroad are nowhere to be found here. That is my crack.
September 18, 2008 at 12:17 pm
*No one, duh.
September 18, 2008 at 12:22 pm
Trixie, if you’re not gonna jump your son’s guidance counselor (and you’d be a fool not to!), would you please give him my number? I have no conflict of interest that would stand in the way of teh sexing.
September 18, 2008 at 12:43 pm
As someone who will compliment a stranger in a minute, I can attest that White women are kinda uptight. And Asian women to an even greater extent. When I’ve said something like, “I love your jacket!” many have jumped and a few have clutched their jackets closer to them, like, I’m gonna yank it off their backs or something. What up wit dat?
September 18, 2008 at 12:53 pm
@CeeJeeMcBeeGee: Shameful. People need to chill the fuck out!
September 18, 2008 at 12:59 pm
One of my favorite candy bars is Caramello. Messy to eat, but so worth it. The Hershey bars with caramel are also nice.
And Trix, maybe it’s because you’re so close to the South, but women compliment each other like crazy here. I do it all the time, totally without thinking about it. I just see something (or someone) pretty and have to let them know!
September 18, 2008 at 1:45 pm
Trix – you will henceforth be known as the New Christine because of your guidance counselor situation. Since apparently no one watches that show but me (seriously, it’s hilarious) the crux is that Julia Louis-Dreyfus dates Blair Underwood, who is the principal of her son’s school.
So my point is, there is a precedent there so go for it!
September 18, 2008 at 1:47 pm
@Trixie: If you don’t, I will. If I bring you rosemary sea salt flat bread and pub cheese, can I stay with you?
September 18, 2008 at 1:54 pm
No problem Trixie. I have been feening for their spiced mango treats for weeks.
People in DC tend to wear dark and neutral colors. The city has a conservative feel. Coming from Arizona where everybody is blonde, dressed in short shorts and showing cleavage, it was quite a stretch. When I first arrived here, I used to show cleavage, now – not so much. My sister came to see me this summer and remarked that I have become a generic version of my former self. When I go home for Xmas, I am going to revamp/re-tramp myself. DC will suck the sexy out of you.
September 18, 2008 at 2:00 pm
Trixie, sink your teeth into a 5th Avenue bar and get back to me.
September 18, 2008 at 2:01 pm
@TheGuvnah : umm that makes two of us. I actually love that show.
Ceejee: In the spirit of racial equality, I always clutch my bag when non black people enter the elevator. Granted it’s rude, I just want them to know how it feels on the other end of the spectrum.
September 18, 2008 at 2:07 pm
@TheGuvnah: dude, I LOVE that show. the one where she was having hot flashes cracked me up for days.
September 18, 2008 at 2:16 pm
@CeeJee: really??? I’m usually so excited that someone likes what I’m wearing that I want to gush all over them about it.
September 18, 2008 at 2:42 pm
I love “New Adventures of Old Christine” too. More Wanda Sykes, please.
September 18, 2008 at 2:56 pm
Two words, Trix: truffle cheese.
It’s not cheap, but worth every penny.
September 18, 2008 at 3:01 pm
Do they have Godiva in Canada? Godiva has ruined all other chocolate for me. It costs too much, but it’s worth the spontaneous foodgasm!
September 18, 2008 at 3:06 pm
Also, Blair Underwood? I’m so, so sorry, but there’s no good excuse for you not going after that. If he’s straight and available, don’t fail to do something you’ll regret later.
September 18, 2008 at 3:31 pm
@Amorouse: I do the same thing! If a non-Black person sits next to me a Starbucks, I move my purse and give them a suspicious look.
@Trixie: I’ve met Blair several times, and he is just as beautiful in person as he is on screen: inside and out. But he’s kinda short. I’m 5’7 in heels and he wasn’t too much taller than I. But, he’s a gem: One of the few sex symbols who most likely stays faithful to his wife. Now, Denzel and Morgan on the other hand…
September 18, 2008 at 3:32 pm
Trixie: Eff Godiva… you haven’t lived until you’ve had some See’s Chocolates!
September 18, 2008 at 3:53 pm
Aww Trixie, you’re too cute! You really must head south to partake of Southern cuisine and hospitality at some point. As for chocolate, just go to http://www.vosgeschocolate.com/, all else pales in comparison.
September 18, 2008 at 4:07 pm
Aw, you poor Americans and your difficulty with obtaining quality affordable chocolate! You know what the trick is? Live in a country that borders on Belgium.
The only way we will stand for sub-par chocolate is if it costs 19 cents for 200 grams.
I don’t think I’ve ever spent any more on chocolate than what they charge at Leonidas and Australian, but that’s for veeeery special occasions. Brands sold in regular supermarkets are totally tasty.
September 18, 2008 at 4:17 pm
aww Trixie I love your new to America posts!
keep them coming
@Amorouse
hahaha!! That is so true! I call all the guys down in Georgetown the khaki mafia, neutral neutral and maybe a stripped button down if they wanna get frisky
September 18, 2008 at 5:05 pm
Oh my God, Amoureuse and CeeJee, that is my story!
When I first got here, I was sitting on a bench waiting for the bus and this beautiful old black woman was walking towards me with a gorgeous pearls around her neck and wrists. And she had the most beautiful face. I was gazing at her in wonder. She came closer, and I moved down the bench a bit and pulled my purse closer to me so she that she would have room on the bench to sit down next to me.
And she said: “Don’t worry! I’m not going to steal your purse!!!” and kept walking. I feebly tried to shout: “No! I just wanted you to sit next to me!” but she was well past me after I recovered from the shock, and besides, then I would have morphed from being a racist to being a total weirdo.
That was a real eye-opener. It bothered me for days. I wanted to find her and reassure her I didn’t think she was going to steal my purse. I keep looking for her at the bus station, but I never see her.
September 18, 2008 at 5:46 pm
@HoneyLush: The Khaki Brigade! Hawt. Except, you know, not at all. Silicon Valley has lots of them, too. M, do any of them actually wear sandals with socks? I feel it’s a strong possibility.
@Trix: You could totally write an awesome missed connection on CL. But on the real, that’s a sad story. You both had icky feelings! So unnecessary! Boo.
September 18, 2008 at 6:56 pm
Once you leave, you can never go home again, Trix. Remember that because it’s true.
I came home after years away to the discovery that Canadians are far too quick to judge others, especially Americans.
Canadians like to whack down the tall poppies. I think it has something to do with Canada’s love affair with mediorcity.
That is why they are slow to say they like your outfit. And Canadian men? Hosers and hockey heads, for the most part.
That said, Canada does have good cheddar cheese and a not bad universal health care system, despite what the critics say.
I realized none of this until I went away and came home again.
September 18, 2008 at 7:49 pm
Not to mention the Crunchy bars, GT!
You know the other weird thing? There are no raccoons here!!!
September 18, 2008 at 7:55 pm
“I like my Coffee…Crisp,” (said in a heavy German accent).
Odd Canadian ad of my youth; AMAZING chocolate bar.
September 18, 2008 at 9:17 pm
@trixie: aww… I know we can get a little sensitive sometimes, but when it happens so often, it’s hard to know who’s who and what’s what, ya know?
September 18, 2008 at 9:22 pm
@SBJ: I am a serial tag-tucker, a bra-strap fixer and a hem/slip hider. If I see a womans clothes out of place, I’m happy to tell her so in a nice way.
September 18, 2008 at 9:23 pm
I totally, totally understand it. I was not offended at all, just mortified and wanted to reassure her no, I was staring at her because I was in awe of her beauty and her pearls, and I moved over on the bench so she could sit down. I just felt very sad for her for having to go through life assuming the worst in people, and for good reason, I am sure.
But I don’t deny it made me all paranoid about how to react/behave in this country for awhile. It is all a huge learning experience.
Love the avatar, by the way.
September 18, 2008 at 9:26 pm
New Adventures of Old Christine: The funny thing is, people have been telling me I remind them of Elaine Benes for many years (not the dancing, more the personality). Which was complimentary in some ways because she’s such a funny fuckup, but a bit disturbing in other ways because she’s such a soulless fuckup.
I think I have more of a soul, but I do know I would have lost it with the Soup Nazi the same way she did. And I did freak out in a drugstore recently when it became clear no one is stocking the Today Sponge any longer!!!!
September 18, 2008 at 10:02 pm
Trix, that you have been through so much crap and still have that sweet, tender, lovely heart just makes me so happy. I love that about you!
September 18, 2008 at 10:05 pm
Oh Skinny! I love you too!!!!
September 18, 2008 at 10:15 pm
i’m telling you, just get a sign!
“je suis desolee, mais je suis canadienne! ohlohloh!”
wait til after halloween, target will have all that chocolates on sale, the bite sized ones so you can do a more thorough sampling.
September 19, 2008 at 9:26 am
@SBJ
lol oh yea, they’re a total bonerkiller. I mean, the minute I see them coming my vadge wants to shrivel up into my body in horror. I do believe I have seen some socks and sandals. It was awful.
September 19, 2008 at 9:16 pm
The sponge hard to find, but not impossible! For the online shopper:
http://store.buyingprivate.com/today109789.html
You can get it from amazon too, but they will gouge the shit out of you.