Every now and again, rarefied gems of such exquisite hipster stupidity come along that beg to be shared with everyone on the internets. See: Cobrasnake, shirts with ironic sayings printed on them, BANGS, auf’d condoms/swapping STDs and good old, trusty old American Apparel! The various blogs and bulletins hipsters post on myspace.com and the like are a veritable goldmine for this sort of thing. A treasure chest full of premium hipster idiocy, trust fund baby spit-up and temper tantrums. Here is where I collect the best of the worst and present them for your (dis)pleasure.

Welcome back to But Enough About You…the hipster overshare portion of the week where my douche is your douche! Did you know that a very special duo going by “Silly Billy” are probably “laughing at you behind your back right now”? I bet you didn’t! These bitches think they are the shit, in fact, they are convinced that Paris & Nicole (um, before Paris had her Desperately Seeking BFF show, natch) straight up stole their steez. God bless the hipster, I mean tipster, who sent these Silly & Billy my way. I heart my readers!
Gems from Silly Billy’s photo captions:

“Silly love’s Pete Wentz enough to dress her husband like him”
“Bounced from the party cause all the girls hate us”
“Socialite It Girl Billy dances till she drops at Island Hot Spot”
“We’re superficial”
“Her ass looks better in applebottoms than your’s”
“We will lipstick you’re car”
“We’re cute you aren’t and you can’t fucking stand it”

My favorite, however: “Silly goes on fabulous vacations that you only dream about.” Y’all? There is visible mold on the preternaturally blue swimming pool she’s cropped, not that the rusted lounge chairs she’s lying on doesn’t give it away instantly. (They have those sticky plastic slats, y’all. Come the fuck on.)

So, let’s get one thing absolutely straight: These bitches are not cute. They’re sad. They’re sad and like, gliding torpid on the perimeter of the perimeter of trashy. They wear depressing, matching tiaras and are in truly Herculean denial of their jowls. I am all about a girl’s healthy, robust sense of self-esteem, but what do you do when it leaps and bounds from sexy, playful confidence into nasty ass, vain-colored skid marks in the crotches of tongue-wagging, spreadeagled photo albums? Hm? Oh, I see. You think I’m being unnecessarily cruel. OK. I understand. We’ll see how you feel about that in about 3 minutes.

They’re all yours:

You don’t know us…you might think you do…but you don’t Our lives are straight out of the tabloids. If the Brunswick News was US Weekly, we would be on the cover! The Paparazzi catches us partying down! We are the girls who were with your boyfriend last night. We don’t fight WE BEAT BITCHES WITH BOTTLES When we say we hate you…we aren’t kidding. We’re ladies in the street but were freaks in the bed Bitches only hate us because they are jealous…but admit it…you want to be us, because being you is boring. We always look different to keep ya guessing. We aren’t emo or scene…we invented that shit! Silly likes it rough Billy likes it raw We only play lesbians on T.V. but keep calling us dykes we love it! We change our mood like we change our clothes. We get into fights We make up We put on our makeup and go dancing We will steal your man…just for fun

They want to meet:

Your Man…so we can flirt with him and piss you off
Boys in girl’s jeans
Bitches that want to step up
Girls that can keep up with us and not act like fools.
People that can keep their mouths shut.
Paris Hilton and Nicole Richie So we can show them how it’s REALLY done.
Tattoo artists who want to give us more tattoos for free!

Silly Billy on television:

“We like Reality TV…cause bitches are stupid on TV just like in real life. Mostly we love watching bitches make fools out of themselves.”

UNCANNY! Here at BCP, so do we. Oh, and for the record, SB? The dykes called, they want their slur back. Sorry, one last thing, I promise: At least one of them has a baby. An actual tiny little human baby! I told you so.

*Contributed by SkinnyBoneJones*