Oh my god, y’all. Please pour yourself a drink, grab ahold of something steady (ideally something you won’t mind later throwing and/or breaking), and dive into today’s Radar feature. It’s an acid-tongued take down of Sarah Palin’s taking up of the feminist mantle as if it were an overlarge duffel made of carpet, and it’s amazing. However, the greatest thing about this piece is not Robert Lanham‘s critique of Palin as a person, her beliefs or her policies, but instead lies in the deft and skillful way in which Lanham manages to poke holes in the “ideology” of  Third Wave Feminism. Check out the tastiest morsel of all after the jump:

But more and more, the leaders of the third wave seem to keep saying the same thing. We get it: women enjoy sex just as much as men. Isn’t there something more profound you’d like to promote?

For all of their flaws (and, in the case of PUMAs, their stubbornness this election season) at least the second-wavers fought hard for equality in the workplace. But when dealing with third-wavers, feminism is often relegated to the trite. Hookup culture. Candidly blogging about blow jobs. Isn’t joking about date rape fun?!?

I’m sorry, but fighting for the right to enjoy MILF porn with some dude you just picked up at a bar is hardly self-actualization. It’s not the stuff of which movements are made. And more often than not, it seems simply a ploy to get male attention.

And speaking of porn, I’ll admit it, I like watching it. But at least I recognize porn for what it is: a guilty pleasure. Downloading “Teen Bukake Tryouts” isn’t furthering the plight of women. Let’s make a deal; if you ladies agree to stop saying porn is liberating, I’ll agree to stop watching it. (Uh … or at least cut back). As Female Chauvinist Pigs author Ariel Levy points out, “raunch culture is not essentially progressive; it is essentially commercial.”

Fuck. Yeah. Basically, Lanham is saying everything about Today’s Feminism for Aimless, Fame-Whoring, Self-Serving, Woman-Hating, Non-Feminists that I’ve always wanted to say. Seriously. You could use Paglia’s pelt for a fucking gravy sieve by the end of this tome. Oh, and, in case you’ve really forgotten why Paglia is a vile, moronic excuse for a feminist, please read her Salon piece about Palin (this is the part where you throw things, BTW). Right Paglia, because comparing Palin to Madonna is: a.) not a complete and total stretch when talking about a creationist, evangelical Pentecostal woman? b.) really useful in cementing Palin’s status as a feminist? c.) totally NOT confirming that the state of pop feminism today is a vapid, non-intellectual, male-pandering wasteland full of sad Carrie Bradshaws? Huh? What is the basis for comparison here, because I think I’m totally missing it? Ugh. I could go on, but I won’t. Let’s just fume a little in the comments and be generally happy that SOMEBODY out there gets it.