You know what? Fuck this wedding shit. Y’all? Don’t get married. And if you do get married, don’t have a wedding. I’m so sick of spending money, man. This whole wedding business is like the beach scene of Saving Private Ryan… For my bank account. Every little paycheck I drop in there keeps getting it’s head blown off before it even clears the shoreline. My monies is all wandering around armless crying for their mommies and shit. Anyway, I’m just being dramatic, when all is said and done, I know I’m going to love my wedding. 

Well, besides my fundage, another thing taking a real hit from this wedding is my beauty blogging. I’ve been gone so long, and I’m sorry. But, you know, the upside to this whole gunning down money like boatloads of pants-shitting teens is that some of the carnage is going towards the purchasing of makeup. Darn. I so hate to do that. After the jump, I’ll review for you all of the crap I bought for my “big day”.


The most important beauty product for any bride is false eyelashes. Hands-down. Do not get married without these things. Why? Because photographers are pretty much all using digital cameras now. Which is great for keeping costs down and whatnot, but the sharp crispness of the images requires a heavy hand at makeup. Basically, from far away (all those posed shots with the fam) you’ll look washed-out, underdone and boyish. You must embrace your inner Tyra Banks, lest you end up looking like a mousy, LDS temple bride. Really.

The look I’m going for at my wedding is sort of mod, so I picked up the 32 lash from MAC. They’re short, with some lash bunches, and some individual lashes for that piece-y mod look:

Sorry to report: They suck. The band is too rigid so they’re a bitch to put on, they pop off at the corners, and the lashes are too short. I may still wear these, but only if I could manage to double them up with another pair of longer lashes that flare out at the corners, like these:

I’m also wearing lower lashes for the wide-eyed mod look, and I’m happy to report that the pair I got works amazingly well.

Trouble is, that lower lash strips are sometimes hard to find, and they’re a little too long, which only serves to underscore how poorly the stumpy 32 lash looks.



Moving right along, I’ve been dying for some new perfume for Fall. Now, I don’t usually wear perfume, but I’m kind of obsessed with the idea of a “signature scent”. I’ve tried a lot of things: Coco Mademoiselle is too strong for me, yet fades with the quickness. Shalimar too heavy and sexy for daily wear, Fracas is lovely on my for spring, and I’d sooner spend eternity in a bakery than wear the popular yet sickly and cloying Compitor sud Pacifique Vanilla Abricot. In short, I’m not an easy fit for perfume. I thought to myself, “this is not going to be fun.”

To find my perfect scent for the season, I actually started my search using Sephora’s scent finder feature on their site. I know orientals work for me, plus all of that amber and spice is perfect for fall. So, I chose “floral oriental”, and the description that drew me in the most was Carolina Herrera’s 212 Sexy. I went to the store and wouldn’t you know? Not only does it smell sexy, earthy and divine, but it lasts for-freaking-ever, AND it comes in a teeny, $16 travel rollerball for fickle peeps like me who tire of scents quickly.

I highly recommend.


Now, I’m really fucking sick of spending money, so I’ve been laying off buying new makeup for the most part, but since I can’t quell my frivolous spending full-stop I’ve been developing a rather unhealthy obsession with nail polish. It’s cheap, it’s glittery and shiny (to appeal to my inner magpie), and it keeps me from gnawing my claws down to the cuticle due to wedding stress. My favorite polish right now is Trevi Gold by Borghese, which I found this week at Ulta

Metallic nails are one of the biggest trends for Fall, and since they’re a lot more flattering (and, let’s face it, less played-out) than the obligatory vampy darks, I’m all up on that shit like Rachel Ray and a ridiculous branding opportunity. But seriously, Trevi Gold is muted with a nice pewter base, universally-flattering, and hot damn, is it shiny! Now, many makeup mavens will tell you that Chanel Kaleidoscope is the gold standard of champagne polishes, but check this out:

At 1/2 the price, and 10x the glamor, Borghese is the winner, no contest. 


But, no manicure can possibly be complete without Seche Vite. I didn’t know about this wonder product until I discovered nail polish blog All Lacquered Up, which schooled me on the Mother of All Topcoats. 

I’ve only had my nails professionally done 3 times in my whole life, as I’m a cheap bitch and can’t justify the expense. Yet, I cannot for the life of me do my nails well at home. What is is about the salon, that they can do a flawless job that dries quickly and lasts for two weeks? The secret is Seche Vite. You put in on immediately after applying your second coat of polish, starting with the 1st nail you painted. Dip the brush into the Seche, then pull it out & let a good bead form at the end of the brush, than set the bead down at the base of the nail, and carefully smooth it over the wet polish. Sounds hard, but i I can’t screw it up, neither can you. At $10, Seche Vite is kind of a splurge, but that it will extend the life of your mani tenfold will justify the expense.


Finally, the best, most amazing, most favorite product I picked up this week comes from the most unlikely source:

Kat vonD for Sephora. I know!! I couldn’t believe it, either, but her Painted Love lipsticks are to die for. I thought it was just going to be a bunch of garish, rockabilly red lipstick, but I was kind of wrong. I mean, yes, there are some fab reds that you just know Kenley from Project Runway has in her makeup bag, but there is also a really awesome neutral shade, Lolita:

 (here be the shade)

It is silky, it is matte, it is vintage without clubbing you over the head with a Frankie Valley record, but mostly is is the perfect shade for my lips. For some reason, I’m having a really hard time describing this shade. In the tube, it looks like a dusty, neutral, nude-y pink. But it’s so totally not. I tried it on in the store, and as I was rubbing the sample lipstick wand onto the stick, a completely different color emerged. It’s sort of a blushing, brick-y, coral-y color. Basically, it’s the color most people’s lips would turn after taking a sip of a warm beverage on a cold day. And the matte texture is the best part of it. In a world overrun with sticky, goopy, nearly-pornographic-looking glosses, this lipstick harkens back to the classy, understated, mysterious screen siren of yesteryear. I’ve never loved a lipstick like I love this lipstick. I want to wear it around the house, I want to wear it at work, I want to wear it all day every day, so I may go back to Sephora soon to pick up a lifetime supply. Really, I can’t rave about this product enough. 


So tell me, what are your best buys for Fall?