Welcome back to But Enough About You…the hipster overshare portion of the week where my douche is your douche! Have you been waiting with bated breath for the conclusion to the Tale of the Hipster Panty-Sniffer? I know, I know. So, I still feel bad about this one, a little, because I know the girl. She’s flaky yet fabulous, but I can’t help but want to project my boundaries upon others. Especially when the boundaries involve meeting internet strangers to hand over a pair of crunchy knickers for $40. So sue me.

Get your closure here:

so i went to the cafe to meet him today. when i walked in the coffee shop, there were a LOT of men drinking coffee and i realized we should perhaps have decided upon a certain code-word or visual signifier…they didn’t fit the description the guy gave: “white, regular looking guy.” (Um, good to know, good to know. -sbj) …i sat down at a table near the door. i waited maybe three or four minutes and then here comes this UBER normal looking guy wearing a plain black t-shirt and grey cargo shorts…he got in line for coffee and…turned around and gestured suddenly to me. it was a…series of gestures, actually: he used his index fingers to sort of trace the outline of a pair of panties. this was followed by a thumbs-up, and then a dramatic, quizzical raise of the eyebrows as he jerked his head in my direction. it was charades, yet somehow also very subtle. i nodded and he came over and sat at my table, grinning broadly.


“wow, you’re really hot. i didn’t know what you would look like, but this is good. this is g
ood,” he said as he passed me the magazine he was holding, a newsweek with a little paper bag tucked in the cover. “take your time,” he urged. i took the bag to the bathroom. inside: a ziplock baggie and $40. i wrangled myself out of my boots and jeans and took off my undies…i haven’t particularly felt like jerking off lately and i just took a shower last night. excuses, excuses. anyway, i peed and then wiped with them, thoroughly, which didn’t get them smelling exactly post-coital, but was better than nothing.

i went back to the table and asked the guy to come outside with me. there were a few cops eating their muffins and drinking their mochas and i didn’t want them to see us conducting a transaction….that was it. quite possibly the easiest $40 i have ever made. let’s hope he turns out to be a repeat customer.

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So, she’s totally going to do it again. ALRIGHTY! Anyway, between the pee and the cops and the part about the drug fiend that I left out, yeah. I’m all done here. I hope y’all have the closure you were seeking so fervently after last week’s post, and I, on the other hand, am currently wondering why I do this for free every week. ZOMG, I AM A WHORE FOR HIPSTERS. Like a literary American Apparel famewhore moddle, writhing around in the shadows of myspace.com for one tawdry Wednesday (my bad on this posting late ~Ed.) morning’s worth of exploitation with my cherished Buttercups. Sob. .

I mean, this is at least worth $40…right? I am at least worth $40? RIGHT?!??!

Won’t ever wipe your posts with her panties,

SBJ

*Contributed by SkinnyBoneJones*

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