The news has hit me like a ton of bricks. David Duchovny, sex addict, is divorcing his awesome wife Tea Leoni because he found out she’s been having an affair with Billy Bob Thornton — EWWWW!!! — while he’s been getting treatment for his own inability to keep his dong zipped.

There are conflicting accounts of what happened when. Some say Tea finally got fed up after years of Dave’s cheating and stepped out herself. Some say Dave is the victim here because, after all, his wife has been banging Billy Bob Thornton — EWWWWWWW!!!!! — and that’s a tough, tough pill to swallow.

It’s all caused me to think back on some of my own most unworthy rebounds, people I dated when still nursing terrible wounds of betrayal and disappointment. A list:

1. A greasy little guy to whom I found myself mysteriously attracted after my heart was terribly broken when I was 21. I learned he was engaged when his girlfriend — someone I didn’t know existed — called my house to ream me out. His parting gift to me was a lovely STD that required my vadge to be literally blow-torched.

2. A guy with big-time Mommy issues who basically told me right from the start that he was fucked up and would be very bad for me. He also farted openly all the time in front of me. Classy.

3. A never-married, never-lived-with-anyone man, also with serious Mommy issues, who had a reputation around my town of being a mentalcase. And guess what — he was! And the weirdo control freak is still moping around my hometown hundreds of miles away trying to think of ways to win me back. Uhhhhhh …. NOOOOOOOOO.

Let’s hear it, BCPers. Who was your most unworthy rebound? And just how bad did it get?

p.s. For any of you obsessed with the Duchovny-Leoni story, this piece on Radar Online from a couple of months ago is very funny.

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