Well, Mom, you’ve emailed me some links that made me shift around in my chair and feel uncomfortable over the years, but those were usually stories about toungue-piercings-gone-infected-to-the-point-of-amputation (I am never taking it out – it’s been years!  Accept it!) or a breakdown of the horrible things smoking does to my body (okay, you’re right on this point).

But never, Mom, have you sent me something that weirded me out quite as thoroughly as this link you graced me with yesterday to an Asylum post on belly button porn

I realize that navel fetishism has probably been around as long as people have had sex organs and twisted psychoses (sabre-toothed tiger dildoes, for example), but it does seem that the internet really brings to the forefront all sorts of the lascivious and bizarre.  And while I suppose that the persistence of navel rings is a tacit acknowledgment of this particular fetish, I had never really considered it before.

Because not a great deal more can be said on the subject of belly button porn than what Asylum has rounded up, I reprise the gist here, along with the ickiest video clip I’ve watched since Sarah Palin tried to hug John McCain.

From Asylum.com:

Most people enjoy the general midriff area, but navel fetishists are creepily focused on the sensual crater of the belly button, and enjoy viewing, licking, sniffing and even performing intercourse on it. Official belly button fetish sites (NSFW) offer “models in very low jeans showing belly,” while a plethora of disturbing YouTube videos provide “very long navel fingering sessions,” as well as girls prodding and torturing their navels with Q tips, wire and chopsticks. Tickling is also a popular pastime of navel fetishists (NSFW). 

The page on which I located this captivating photo, by the way, includes the following poetry:

I have this unique fetish that worships all alone
The Only Politically Correct Erogenous Zone
Whereas, the Average Joe will just shamelessly stare
At the callipygian orbs of your rolling derriere
To steal a lingering glimpse down your décolleté
For many a Peepin’ Tom is their voyeuristic matinee
Others believe lusting for your genitalia
Is their salacious passage to amourous regalia
For this lonely naïveté to achieve titillating bliss
Tantalizing seductress, please reveal your umbilicus!


And while this is not as scintillating as the buttonporn presented on Asylum’s page, I did locate this gem:

I believe you navel gazers may have some comments about this.  Please feel free to share them below. 

In Related Questions:  “Moms – Should We Be Limiting Their Internet Access?”

Also:  Bonus Points if anyone can identify the song quoted in the post title!