For the first time in months, ladies, I have a house to myself. Of course, it had to fall on a night when eight billion sugar addicts are about to come pounding on my door.

So here’s what I’ve done as I revel in a brief spate of freedom: I have hit the bong. I have opened myself a beer. I have turned out all the lights, stripped down naked and I am blasting the first Oasis album. Life is good. Those little fuckers can just move on over to the next house. You know why? ‘Cause I’m a rock ‘n’ roll star!

“You’re not down with who I am? Look at you, now you’re all in my hands tonight!!”