WHAT THEY DIDN’T TELL US IN LESBIAN SEX 101: The Good, The Bad & The Dirrrrty.

This week at Sugar Walls, we thought it would be nice to take a break from politics and all things presidential, roll up our sleeves and get down to fisting business. The business of banging, that is. We all decided to try and think of things that surprised us the most about lesbian sex – in good, bad or just unexpected ways – and exactly how we learned or found these things out. (Pls. to insert Was it the HARD way? jokes here.)

We hope y’all are just as excited about the change of subject as we are! We hope it, um, inspires you.


As much as I hate to think about it, I am not a gold star: I did engage in some acts of heterosexuality. I think the main thing that I was surprised about when I started dating my first girlfriend was the extreme level of intimacy that we had. It was so real and intense and instant, and it felt so natural. Also surprising: How much I like…sorry. Too vulgar.



What I wasn’t told about lesbian sex – nothing negatively shocking, as I have enjoyed each new surprise as it comes (yes, I said it). I guess what really surprised me was how I felt during my first time with my girlfriend. Even though I was nervous as hell to do it (not only was it my first sexual experience with a female, it was my first sexual experience ever!), I can’t express how calm I was at the core of it all, how right and how safe and how taken care of I felt to be lying next to a woman. While I realize this has more to do with the person you are with, in general, the feeling of being with a woman is what I mean. Growing up in a small town, the stigma attached to being a lesbian, of course, was that it was some abnormal, weird, dark and undergroundish thing (fuckers!). Not that I bought into that way of thinking, but when the time came to experience it for myself, I felt copious amounts of ease and right instead of “ew” and wrong. I thought that maybe afterwards I would feel regretful or dirty, but instead it was like my insides were saying, “Ohhhh, okay, so that’s what was missing.” So, while this may seem like a “my first time in the sack” tale, it’s not.

That’s what “they never told me about lesbian sex,” that it’s not extra-terrestrial, but natural. Also, what I never realized was that even though this woman has the same “hills and valleys” (as BAngieB added when I couldn’t find the right words…she’s so vulgar, I love it) as I do, getting to touch and kiss and uncover each part is like this amazing discovery I didn’t realize could be possible. No one told me how fun and sexy it would be. I may enjoy it a little too much. BAngieB calls me Fondleezza Rice.



I’d first like to take a moment to thank this week’s Sugar Walls for the opportunity to mentally relive all of the awkward and/or embarrassing moments in my sexual history; it has been a special experience for which I am truly grateful. My personal addition to the grab-bag of dyke discoveries comes from alllllll the way back at the tender age of 17 when I was first starting to sleep with the ladies (or anyone – gold star here, reporting for duty). Considering the fact that I’m female myself I probably shouldn’t have been so thrown by just how unique our unique snowflakes can be, but what can I say – the gap between theory and practice can sometimes be wider than we’d like to admit.

So there we were, getting things started, her a slightly older woman and me still in the throes of New Gay, albeit not brand-spanking-new and therefore confident enough to make the first move. I unbuttoned her jeans, slipped my hand down the front of her pants, and was promptly (and unceremoniously) introduced to the phenomenon of ladypart shaving. And it wasn’t just that she shaved (and thoroughly), but that it seemed a few days had gone by and the terrain had taken on the qualities of rough grade sandpaper. This was, ultimately, not a big deal (and I certainly didn’t let my surprise show), but there were a few initial seconds there when I had to mentally regroup. I didn’t know girls shaved their ladyparts! I might have the equipment, but that doesn’t mean I’m familiar with every make, model and maintenance technique out there. It was a teachable moment.

Another teachable? If you’re getting it on with a strap-on in a common space and your girlfriend’s roommate suddenly comes home, don’t seek refuge, naked and harnessed, in your girlfriend’s roommate’s bedroom closet. Makes for awkward party situations.

Now if you’ll excuse me I need to go re-forget these things ever happened.



The time: March 2004
The place: Budapest, Hungary
The people: 20-year-old inchworm and her first girlfriend who lasted more than ten seconds. We’ll just call her D (age 27).

My first girl-on-girl love was at age 13. First lesbian sex, earlier that fall. But D was the first girl I’d slept with who didn’t immediately suffer an identity crisis (this is why new gay is dangerous).

We had only been together for a few days, and we were in bed, well, most of the time. Fun fact: She had never been finger fucked before, in ANY of her prior relationships, homo or hetero. Only peen and serial oral. This is not the point of this post, but it’s always nice when you do something for someone for the first time, no? (Yes, please! -SBJ )

Anyway, I was between Oral D’s legs, doing my thing (which, in her case, involved a flattened tongue and a lot of pressure), when she exploded. Like, for real. Fluid shot out at a surprising speed. I, uh, may have been using the greater part of my face (use all your assets, ladies), because I recall getting shot in the eye for a second there. Also, her vagina itself blew up. Actually, it just became so engorged that her inner labia bulged out and obscured her outer labia, inside-out girl styles.

This scene would repeat itself many times over the coming months, but there’s no time quite like the first time. I’ll always be grateful for Oral D (I am SO calling her that to her face next time we talk, btw) for the following:

1) being fem-ejaculated on is awesome
2) knowing that being fem-ejaculated on is awesome and helps down the road when you are, at long last, the fem-ejaculator and you wonder how your partner is going to feel about all that mess
3) physical evidence that you are doing the right thing is such a confidence booster when you’re New Gay.
It was a good, messy Intro To Real Lesbian Sex (TM), and even though I kind of cringe when I think about us having sex now, I couldn’t have asked for a better first sexual relationship. Thanks OD!

Who knew, kittens? Time for share and tell in the comments below…

*Contributed by SkinnyBoneJones, BAngieB, AngiesYoungLover, BritneyCanadaWhore and inchworm*