I am having a shitty week, y’all. On Monday I had to have a mammogram because I found a lump a few weeks ago, and if you’ve not yet experienced this joy let me just tell you, having your tits hefted, squashed, marked on, imaged and squashed some more is not a nice way to start the week. Especially if you happen to have tig ole bitties like I do, although I don’t imagine the experience is any less uncomfortable for small breasted women. After the Mash-n-Press to my rack, I got to have the girls ultrasounded for good measure. This part was much easier to get through, although it was done twice by two different people and both times the nurse squirted me in the face with the ultrasound jelly. Um, thanks for warming it up? The good news is that everything was fine and the lump was determined to be a swollen milk duct, which my doctors assure me is no cause for concern.
Yay for that because my hormone levels probably would not have allowed me to display any civility to anyone otherwise, seeing as how my period refuses to sync up with my NuvaRing. Instead of having my period during the week when the ring is out, mine wants to be a little bitch and show up 2 weeks earlier. And that’s just too many fucking things in my vadge at one time, yo. On top of this the cramps that I normally never suffer from have been threatening to cause me to whip off a heel and break someone’s face with it. Why the face? Oh, well that’s because my own face is under siege from an acne breakout that I fear will never end. As someone who hates to wear heavy, dulling foundation I’ve been literally plastering concealer on every morning and pretending it doesn’t actually make me look worse.
*sigh*
But, the weekend is here and I only to have to get through one more week and then I’m taking off the week of Thanksgiving — after that it’s three short weeks until Christmas vacay and then I’ll be counting down the days until the beach mini break Mr.K has promised me in February. Now, please excuse me while I get shitfaced and browse lolcats.
ButtercupPunch - "La clique, c’est chic!" 
November 14, 2008 at 12:04 am
bless your heart K. I hope things look up soon. Sending virtual cupcakes your way!
November 14, 2008 at 12:27 am
Solidarity chica. I have the itty bitty titties and a mamogram is no fun. I believe that in the future it will be looked back upon as a tool of medieval torture. Nearly every mamogram requires an ultrasound and/or biopsy so like, what is the point? Definately invented by men. Along with the Euro laundry. Yeah – I really want to deal with my families washing IN A CUPBOARD!
P.S. – my results were cool too.
November 14, 2008 at 12:28 am
Oh, K, were there someone I could take out for you to make it all better, you know I would. But all I can offer you, for when the LOLcats just won’t cut it, is Shiba Inu puppies:
http://www.ustream.tv/channel/shiba-inu-puppy-cam
November 14, 2008 at 1:34 am
Damnation Kadinsky, you deserve some quality, expensive liquor for enduring this week! Go forth and indulge.
November 14, 2008 at 1:34 am
shit, i’m with you on the foundation front. story of my little damn life.
November 14, 2008 at 1:44 am
@Amazon: That link is total sugar shock!! *squeals in delight*
November 14, 2008 at 2:17 am
Glad to know the fantastic titties are ok, and you are generally. I also am not so sold on the NuvaRing when it has turned me into a crying mess. Two weeks out of the month I can’t talk about anything without bursting into tears. It totally cuts into the “hardcore bitch” image I’m trying to project.
November 14, 2008 at 2:25 am
Oh, ugh. My heinous PMS is looming and I’m *dreading* its arrival. Feel better! And yay for the good news!
November 14, 2008 at 3:14 am
I drink for all of your impending crampiness, complexion highjacking and kamikaze emotions – I drink some more for all clear mammogram tit press results. @all: *clink*
and the puppy cam just made my ovaries weep.
November 14, 2008 at 7:31 am
Very relieved it was just a clogged milk thingy. You better start reproducing and get those things to work!
November 14, 2008 at 7:48 am
Phew, thankfully that it’s just a milk duct but DAMN you poor thing! How long have you been on NuvaRing, is it just the getting used to it period?
November 14, 2008 at 10:33 am
Oh, K I’m so glad everything’s ok and sorry you had to deal with such a hell week. Shit, a week like that totally justifies Bloody Mary’s for breakfast. Drink one for me!
I hear ya on the foundation front. When I went off the pill my skin went cray-zee. it’s getting a bit better since I got knocked up. You know what’s really nice? Smashbox sheer focus tinted moisturizer. I use that and some loose powder and it conceals without being to heavy.
November 14, 2008 at 11:26 am
Your poor boob! I’m so glad it was nothing. I hate having the nips peenched and prodded. But a healthy boob is a happy boob. Am I right? :)
November 14, 2008 at 11:52 am
I hate it when my Nuvaring and period don’t quite sync up. You’re right it’s way too much stuff in your vadge at once. The worst was when I tried to use my DivaCup with the NuvaRing still in. Blerg.
November 14, 2008 at 12:05 pm
@TheDomina: 5 freakin’ months I’ve been on this thing! My doc just told me she wants me to start a new ring on the week it’s supposed to be out, so I guess I’ll have to try that and see what happens.
@h_a_l: Ha! I just bought some Smashbox Self-Adjusting Powder Foundation to try instead of my usual Stila. I’m still on the fence about it, I can’t tell if it makes me shinier or if that’s my fucked up complexion.
@TheMayor: Happy boobs, yesh.
@Cate3710: Oy, you feel my pain. Is yours consistently off or just every now and then? I don’t think it’s too much to expect to KNOW when the fucker is coming.
November 14, 2008 at 12:09 pm
@Kadinsky: Thankfully, mine is only off by a bit every once in a while, i.e. I’ll still be bleeding when it’s time to put the new ring in. Definitely not as bad as your situation.
November 14, 2008 at 12:13 pm
Do you all ever feel like we got the biological short end of the stick?
Because I do, about every three weeks.
November 14, 2008 at 12:14 pm
Also, K, glad to hear you have a (relatively) clean bill of health!
November 14, 2008 at 1:07 pm
@FBG: Yep, I definitely feel we as women got the short end of that stick. On the other hand, the boobs are usually enjoyable.
November 14, 2008 at 3:09 pm
Poor baby. Hopefully you’ll get some new porn and a new Wii game today or tomorrow to cheer you up, sugar. XO.
November 14, 2008 at 4:49 pm
@SBJ: it’s like your Santa to say such wonderful things to me.
November 14, 2008 at 5:43 pm
One of the upsides to aging (or so I’ve heard) is that after our tits get all saggy and post-menopausal, mammograms are significantly less painful.
I’m glad I don’t have a family history of early breast cancer, because I cringe just thinking about subjecting my bitty titties to getting squished. They don’t even like being in a bra!
(Of course, my dad got his first colon polyp at 33, so I have THAT exam to look forward to in just a few short years…)
@Missbish: Every medical professional I know has said mammograms are pretty much useless on young, dense breast tissue. Painful, and useless. Hurrah!
November 14, 2008 at 10:13 pm
I ignored my mammogram appt. last Friday cause my boobs were already experiencing PMS. I suppose now that things are back to normal I should reschedule. You are my inspiration sweetie, if you can do it, I can do it I guess. Oh, and the wonderful migraine crap I put up with earlier this week? Yea, that was period related-I hate this…
November 14, 2008 at 10:36 pm
@FHO: booooooo on the PMS and migraines. when I went off Depo and finally got my period back after 10 years, I started to get menstrual migraines as well. joy! I was on daily Topamax for a couple of years but I stopped a couple of months ago and so far have been okay.
where is your appt? that BDC place in Waukesha?
November 14, 2008 at 11:20 pm
I am going to confess something. I am HEAVILY into breast play of all types. My knockers play a large role in my sex life, the odd time I have sex, that is. If someone isn’t into tits, he’s out almost immediately. I don’t know, I guess I was born with very sensitive and sexual hooters.
And so … I actually like mammograms. They only hurt a little bit, and they kind of turn me on.
November 15, 2008 at 10:39 am
Kadinsky-Nah, I am going to get them poked and prodded right in my home town up abit north. I have been told that they warm up the metal slab you plunk the boobies down on, but as this is my first time w/a mammogram, we shall see. It’s a fear of the unknown that I am trying to deal with.
Also-Trixie-I am right there with you, love the breast play, which is motivating me to get in to my mammogram. I want to make sure teh boobies are all-right teh play with!
November 15, 2008 at 12:00 pm
@FHO: aww, don’t be scared, babes. yeah, it’s certainly uncomfortable but the mashing part is over pretty quickly. for your part just make sure you stand completely still when they tell you (sometimes you have to raise an arm and hold your breath) and they’ll get a good picture and you won’t have to repeat it.
and uh, the ultrasound part was actually somewhat pleasant. you just lie on your back with you hands behind your head and they move the ultrasound wand back and forth with the jelly and um, it’s like this weirdly pleasing breast massage.
November 17, 2008 at 2:49 pm
@Trix: Of COURSE this is coming from the woman who finds the ass-wax part of the Brazilian titillating. ;)
@Kadinsky: IUD FTW! SparklePretty is with me!
(And I am so glad that we can continue to regularly objectify your totally amazing rack.)
November 17, 2008 at 2:53 pm
@Tailfeather: yeah, you AND SparklePretty have spent time in that IUD boat, the HOLY-SHIT-WHAT-JUST-HAPPENED section if I recall.
November 17, 2008 at 2:58 pm
@Kadinsky: ONE TIME. Bad example. And we both went back for more, so it can’t be that bad, can it?
Also – I get periods maybe every other month. And that is JUST FINE with me!
November 17, 2008 at 3:26 pm
@tailfeather: Do you have the 5 year or the 10 year one? I’m thinking about it as it’s getting harder and harder to deal with the PMS-related craziness that the ring provokes. But I’m worried about the increased flow/cramps with the ten-year.
November 17, 2008 at 3:28 pm
TF: It occurs to me that I might be ultra-sexed-up or something. I have been accused of being a very horny woman.