1. Why does Coke Zero taste so much better than Diet Coke, yet has no calories?

2. Why does my Verizon DSL connection crap out whenever it rains, and only when it rains?

3. Why does my cat always show me her ass? And why does she sit and stare at me for hours at a time?

4. Why do I want to grab Barack Obama by his ears and neck with him every time I see him speak publicly?

5. I have never known a man who’s been unable to get it up. So why the hell are so many men on Viagra?

6. Why do few things give me more pleasure than getting into my bed at night after I have laundered the bedding?

7. Why don’t they sell Chex Mix with no pretzels? I’d kill for just a bag of those little Chex pieces, the rye and pumpernickel rounds and those other phallic-shaped things. I eat the pretzels first just to get them out of the way.

8. Why is Aunt Flo now arriving every 21 days? Is menopause knocking at my door?

9. Why are people so much ruder on the road and behind the wheel of a car than they ever would be face-to-face? Pressing on your horn because some poor woman hesitated a split second when the light turned green because, you know, you might be .005 seconds late to your destination? Would you push her off the curb if she was standing in front of you at an intersection and failed to start walking the moment the light turned green? Cars turn people into assholes.

10. Why doesn’t Windows Media Player provide some sort of iTunes-esque function where it will find the names of tracks for you from burned CDs? I have quit iPod, bought an every-bit-as-good Sansa MP3 player, but Windows Media Player is not nearly as advanced as iTunes and it pisses me off.

11. Why do I always lie to myself when I am starting to gain weight and tell myself that there must be something wrong with the dryer, since it is clearly shrinking my clothes.

12. When did nude pantyhose go out of style? I wouldn’t wear them with a gun to my head, but when did this happen?

13. Why does an old Peruvian man who hangs out at this little Peruvian diner by the bus stop emerge from the restaurant at least once a week and yell out at me “You are a beautiful woman!!” as I wait for the bus to the Metro station? Does he have nothing better to do? He looks like Aztec Elvis. If he was 20 years younger, I might give it some thought, but for now, I just wave politely.

14. Why do I sometimes get toe cramps when my middle toe literally gets a diamond-cutter erection that hurts like hell?

15. Why do I smell a floral fragrance every time I sneeze?

BCP would love to know what questions of daily life are stumping you. Do share!

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