…. It wants its tacky fucking tracksuits back. Seriously. I hate the word “juicy.” I hate people who use the word “couture” without knowing what it means. So, by extension, I hate nothing in this world as much as I hate Juicy Couture. This brand, like Crocs and Uggs (and their demonic, mutant lovechild, Cruggs), is disgusting and trailertastic and well beyond its trend expiration date, yet Juicy. Will. Not. Die. Whyyyyyyyy?!?! Why do people want to spend their hard-earned money on passe, unflattering clothes? WHYYYY?! And why do retailers like Nordstrom and Sephora buy into it, supporting this viral brand of overpriced loungewear? WHYYYYY do they send me emails about the latest haps in the diseased Juicy universe? I am not a chav or a sorority girl or a Yummy Mummy or married to Dr. 90210, so why in the hell would I be interested in buying Juicy’s schlock? Ugh. I don’t wanna know. And, hopefully, neither do you. But, please to commiserate with me?

After the jump, please feast your eyes on retail goods that look to have been designed by one of Kimora Lee Simmon’s discarded tampons.




Yes, that’s right – they’re asking you to buy Juicy Couture shit for your dearest of dears. You know what… NO. You only buy ugly shit like this for people you hate. For people you think have no taste. For people in the office that you don’t know, but you got stuck with them for Secret Santa, so you went to FantAsia’s House of Acrylic Nails and MORE to get the ugliest locket (from the “and MORE” section, next to the setting lotion) as a gag gift. For people you suspect of moonlighting as prostitutes. For people with a healthy sense of humor. For people who want to dress up as Schatar from Flavor of Love: Charm School for Halloween.


You do NOT spend hundreds or thousands of dollars on this crap, and you certainly don’t buy it for yourself or someone you love. It’s ghetto gold, bedazzlies, and stretch velour, people, not cashmere! This is not what luxury brands are made of!!! Arrrrgh!

Does anybody else have a nagging hatred of a clothing brand that Will. Not. Go Away? Discuss in the comments!