hipsterBetter late than never! This week we’ve got two dreamboats to mock – one lowrider and one hipster douche! I know the lowrider is a little…removed from what we normally do here, but when someone is clearly begging to be ridiculed, I’ll go ahead and oblige. So service-y, I am! As you may know, being a gal on myspace is just asking for all kinds of unwanted solicitations. Normally, I ignore them, but a few weeks ago I was feeling a little drunk feisty, so I replied with one of my trademark expressions. (Oh yes, you know the one.)

Well, I’ll be if that fucker lowrider douche didn’t just give me what for after that! Fancy print screen action, after the jump.


Aw, is this the part where I’m supposed to gnaw away at my nailbeds because an interested male party accused me of being a not very nice girl? TOO FUCKING BAD, ASSHAT.

Next up is our friend Joey. He poses dramatically for profile pictures with toilet plungers, slightly out of focus, and severely dried out trademark hipster boy swoop bangs. (I swear to God, I’m going to get Pantene to sponsor me so that I can stand on street corners handing out conditioner samples to those most in need.) His captions often read as some version of “Fuck you,” which is hipster-speak for “Please like me” or “Emulate me or my self-worth will decrease significantly.”

Joey wants you to know the following, from his About Me section:

“I’ll sit around and think about how I love to consider various arrays of my interaction with the universe around, pretend I have found the one that iz the most artistically pleazing, and every once in a while really show people what the word “pursuit” can mean. Sometimez people call this living. Also the word love is a term uzed to describe the connection between two thingz. Often I uze that to help me define the breath of fresh air that inspirez me. I like to read still. And be clever. And I can dance better then you .”

He’s in a relationship! (Try and contain your laughter. Somewhere out there is a girl who gets all tingly whenever her man swaps his Ss with Zs!) He is also 30 years old and believes that his skin is like human silk. So soft. Pretty much the only palatable thing on his entire profile was the photo you see above, because who wouldn’t want that cutie pie for a coat? (ZOMG! I’m totally kidding.) Put on your hipster bangs / thinking caps and tell me just what, exactly, he is trying to say in the comments below!


*Contributed by SkinnyBoneJones*