Heeeeeeey, guys! Have you heard of this “Recession” business? Me neither. Have you heard the phrase, “most devastating financial crisis in history” anytime lately? Nah. Have you heard that the current generation of 20-somethings will be one of the first generations in US history that have statistically almost no chance of out-earning their parents? And that the previous statement means serious fucking bidness because life continues to be more & more & crazymore expensive each year? Which means that the current generation has almost no chance of owning a home, having children, and sending said children to college? That if you’re lucky, you can pick two, but odds are you can’t do all three? Oh, and have you heard that the thing called “retirement,” where people with white hair move to Florida to play shuffleboard all day, will be looked upon like one of those crazy, antiquated things that modern people no longer understand? Much like the fainting couch? Yeah, Lexus hasn’t heard of that shit, either.

 

After the jump, the grossest gross that ever grossed out the bleakest Christmas since that time my grandpa got really shitfaced and thought it would be hilarious to run outside with a shotgun and pretended to shoot Santa’s sleigh out of the sky. Yeah, it’s worse than Rudolph all pumped full of buckshot, his back haunches shattered from the fall, writhing around on a downy blanket of newly-fallen snow.

OK, I lied. Nothing is worse than that. But this Lexus commercial is pretty bad. If this steaming pile had aired a few years ago, I probably would have laughed it off, much the same way I laughed off other grating, flagrant displays of the growing wealth disparity in our great country (*cough* Paris Hilton).But, in our current dire straights, I can’t help but think of it as an unholy abomination of as-yet-unheard-of levels of advertorial insensitivity. Behold: Lexus’ opus to the Haves that Keep on Having:

 

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I think “Cory” of the Car and Driver forum sums it up best:

 

“A young girl talking about how great it was to get a pony for Christmas – it even mentions how great it was that it made another little girl jealous.

“After the girl’s voice over describes the greatness of the pony gift (which she undoubtedly grew tired of within a week and was on to “needing” some other expensive trinket which she assuredly would get) the scene cuts to the now grown up spoiled elitist bitch being escorted out to the driveway by her douchebag husband where there is a Lexus RX with the now iconoclastic big f*cking bow on top of it. The wife is pretty excited but looks a touch disappointed that there isn’t anyone else around that can see how much better she is than them.

 


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The tagline is “Are you a petty jackass who needs to prove himself by buying a lavish gift for your Botoxed wife? Lexus is for you!”*

 

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Yeah. Fuck a fucking Lexus. Way to ruin Christmas, luxury car companies, you bloated dinosaurs of a rapidly-disappearing market. Oh, and way to ruin ponies, too. The best “safe word” there ever was! Merry Christmas to me, I’m getting slipper socks from my husband, and I’ll probably be using them to store wadded-up $20 bills once the FDIC fails. Life is good. I’ll be over here. With this bedsheet noose. Just hangin’ out….

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