Instead of braving the crowds on that odd American annual tradition known as Black Friday, I opted instead to shop for goods online at Macy’s at one minute after midnight on Thanksgiving Day. This is because Macy’s is the only company in this country that would give me a credit card without a credit rating, and so now I am ringing up my Macy’s card in order to establish a credit rating in order to get an American Visa, which I desperately need for travelling and work. Got it?

Anyway, so I usually buy the odd thing online, but never a whack of goods. But there were lots of things I needed due to a whole box of items that got lost in the move, and so I took advantage of the 75 per cent off sales.

As I awaited their arrival, I felt like Ma Ingalls waiting for Mr. Olsen to let her know that the pound of salt pork, the ribbons, red for Laura and blue for Mary (Carrie? Who cares about her?), the swaths of gingham, the panes of glass, the pound of sugar and the new butter churner had finally arrived at the Walnut Grove General Store on the train from Chicago. So exciting!!

Today I got home and there was my box containing all my Macy’s goods.

If you care, read what I got after the jump:

One cobalt blue empire waist dress. Perfect for work if wearing boots but easily dressed up for something fancier with heels and jewellery. I gambled and picked a size I feared might be too snug, but no, it fits like a dream!

A pair of snazzy kitchen shears, for snipping herbs and the ends off green beans. Christmas Dinner is approaching!

Two Martha Stewart non-stick frying pans, because I am lazy and always put my Teflon pans in the dishwasher, and they never last for more than a couple of years. Ma Ingalls would be ashamed.

A bathroom scale. This is an essential in my home. For a few years, I never had one. Then I got one, got on it and almost passed out from the horror.  My doctor told me I should have one and weigh myself once a week so that I know if things are creeping up too high. Today, I was terrified that after being here for three months without a scale, the number had crept up to my all-time high since I have been blaming the dryer a lot lately for shrinking my clothes. But no! I weighed myself mid-day, and just prior to Aunt Flo, and I am at a reasonable number. Fifteen pounds lighter than my high, although about 10 pounds heavier than I’d like to be. Now I can get to work at becoming a skinny bitch!

A lady hair clipper for those private special spots. Now listen here, I get laid twice a year (but in those two occasions, we apparently squeeze in more sex than many of you happily married people do in a year … perhaps that’s the secret to a hot sex life!) But despite my lack of action, I like to keep things tidy. One never knows. Mark Ruffalo could appear at my doorstep any day now and beg to have me. Or Mr. Olsen.