I have been very busy at work these days. Not only that, but I’ve been stressing out about Christmas and the notion of spending five days straight with my obnoxious mother. For this reason, I have also been bemoaning my dwindling supply of weed, which is generally the only way I can spend “quality” time with the rude old dame. Aunt Flo has also arrived early and there is a gaping wound on my chin thanks to that bitch. In short, I am ugly right now, my neck hurts and I feel resentment towards the world.
And yet mid-seethe yesterday I gazed out into my big backyard and saw a wondrous thing. Four deer, only 15 feet away from my window, just shuffling around in the leaves and eating the grass underneath. Even funnier — my big fat tabby cat, who sat on a retaining wall about 10 feet away from the Bambi Family, wide-eyed with awe. He knew these were not dogs and didn’t flee. Like me, he seemed mesmerized by their quiet, gentle presence.
Stress immediately alleviated!
But hours passed. It was very mild here last night and I had one of my bedroom windows wide open but was now stressing about Bestbuy.com and why it was fucking me around while I was trying to online shop for my children. No, I don’t want STANDARD shipping, motherfuckers! It’s not good if it comes on Dec. 29 and that’s why I clicked “expedited!” And yes, you fuckers, that’s right, I have a Canadian billing address but an American shipping address!!! That hasn’t been a problem for any other retailer but you, so stop refusing my credit card!!
Again the stress was at red alert, my neck was aching, my hatred for mankind was returning.
And then I noticed a strange sound coming from the backyard, as though someone was quietly raking leaves. I turned out all the lights and looked out. For some reason it wasn’t very dark last night because of lots of puffy white clouds in the sky, and so I saw them clearly. The Bambi Family, shuffling around in my backyard. I quietly called out to them: “Hello Bambi Family!” And they actually all looked up at me in my bedroom window, but weren’t scared. They kept on nibbling at the grass and occasionally glanced my way.
I went downstairs, took some celery from my fridge, opened the backdoor, tiptoed out and silently left it at the edge of the grass for them. They didn’t move; they just stood very still and watched me.
Once again, stress totally alleviated by those lovely creatures. I came back upstairs and about 15 minutes later heard them nibbling on the celery. Now the cats joined me in the window, staring down at them in wonderment. It was truly a Hallmark moment.
Deer. They’re so unicorn-y!