sleep

OK, so I’m just going to tag-team off of Trixie’s last post, although, ahem, MY celeb sex dream came first. I kid, I kid. If anything, it’s my problem, as this dream happened nearly a week ago but I’ve been too afraid to write about it. Although it’s great blog fodder, this particular celeb sex dream felt really personal and private. I decided I’d hang onto it and post about it later in case anything came of it. And well, the damn dream is still kind of haunting me, to the point that I keep having dreams about the fella, including last night. The weird part is, the dream man was not a celeb I’m particularly fond of. Lots of other gals think he’s hot, but my initial reaction was all “meh.” I have one hot dream about the guy, and all of a sudden I see what all of the fuss is about. Now I want to know everything, positively everything, about this man. Not because I want to stalk him or anything gross like that, I’m more interested in trying to decipher the riddle my subconscious has laid out for me. To my dreaming mind, this man represents something I want or need, and I wanna know what it is.

You’re just dying to know who the Panda’s been dreaming of, aren’t you? The dream and it’s analysis after the jump.

Don’t laugh, y’all. I had a sexy-type dream about Anthony Bourdain.

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Yesh. Give it!


And it was…. HOT. Well, the first one was anyway. Last night we were just hanging out in a bookstore and he was helping me conjugate French verbs. Still sexy, though.

Anyway, the original dream was like this: Tony and I were at a hotel in Paris. He was sitting at a table in the garden having some pretentious, chef-y convo with some of his culinary contemporaries. I pass by, arousing some twittering from the other geezers at the table -apparently everyone knew about our highly inappropriate May-December relationship and it was le scandale. Tony gets up and follows me into a more secluded spot in the garden, unleashing a torrent of fresh gossip at the table, but, you know, he could give a shit.

Uh, so there we are, me and this dude I’ve never been particularly fond of (I mean, ‘No Reservations’ is a pretty cool show, and Bourdain is always delightfully terrifying as a guest judge on Top Chef, but I’ve generally just regarded him as sort of a self-important douche. What chef isn’t, anyway?), romantically entangled. At the risk of disappointing you readers, the truth is that nothing particularly graphic happened. It was less a sex-sex dream, more of a lurrve-sex dream. I mean, the whole age difference aspect had an air of the forbidden that we were both obviously getting off on, although I have never had a thing for older men. Middle agers kind of squick me out, but then, most middle agers don’t have a body like Tony. If Bourdain was in possession of a spare tire, I guaran-damn-tee you that this dream would never have happened because I’m 25 and superficial, see? I digress.

Anyway, the physical portion of the dream consisted of some very excellent make-outage, followed by me kissing on and sort of, uh, servicing the fingers on Tony’s right hand. Dudes love that, a fact of which I was well aware, even in my sonorous state. Then there was a lot of kissing and a pair of very large, calloused hands caressing my neck and decollete’. Then the alarm clock goes off, and it’s alllll over. Just when things were getting interesting. I know what you’re thinking, that my bereft-of-penis sex dream is the lame. And in a way, you’re right. This was like the Red Shoe Diaries of sex dreams. Which, in theory is pretty lame and makes me feel like some fucking Harlequin-reading, Lifetime-watching bored housewife, but this dream was terribly erotic and haunting and I’m not going to make excuses for it. Trust that if any of you had dreamt thusly, you’d wake up sweaty and with a serious boner for Tony.

But what does it all mean? I plugged some of the themes and keywords into a dream dictionary, and here’s the results.

Setting: Hotel garden/park in Paris

To dream that you are at a park, represents a temporary escape from reality. It indicates renewal, meditation, and spirituality. It is also an indication of a readjustment period after a serious personal conflict or an ending of a passionate affair.

– I’m still adjusting to being newly-married. Really. So there’s that.

To see a flower garden in your dream, foretells of tranquility, comfort, true love and happy home in your future.

– Let’s hope so.

To dream of traveling to Europe, signifies a long journey which will give you some financial gain.

– Bring it on.

To see a hotel in your dream, signifies a new state of mind or a shift in personal identity. You are undergoing some sort of transition and need to move away from your old habits and old way of thinking. You need to temporarily escape from your daily life. Alternatively, the dream may imply a loss in your personal identity.

– Hmmmmmmm. I really am sort of dissatisfied with my life right now. Mostly as far as living in this crap city is concerned, and I kind of hate my job.

Characters:  Anthony Bourdain.  Author, television personality, celebrity chef, punk rock enthusiast and all-around tall drink of I-kinda-wanna-hit-that.


To see a man in your dream, denotes the masculine aspect of yourself – the side that is assertive, rational, aggressive, and/or competitive. If the man is known to you, then the dream may reflect you feelings and concerns you have about him.

– Um, okay… Does this mean I should start “packing?”

If you are a woman and dream that you are in the arms of a man, suggests that you are accepting and welcoming your stronger assertive personality. It may also highlight your desires to be in a relationship and your image of the ideal man.

– You know, I’m not really sure that a drunken, surly, over-50 curmudgeon is my idea of the “ideal man.” For sport fucking , surely, but it’s not like I’d wanna buy a condo with the guy.

To see an old man in your dream, represents wisdom or forgiveness. The old man may be a archetypal figure who is offering guidance to some daily problem.

– Tony’s not old-old, just old-er (uh yeah, older than my dad). But in the world of the dream dictionary, generality is the rule. I can’t really see how Bourdain can guide me, aside from advising me on which Ramones shirt to wear on a given day or why I shouldn’t order fish at a restaurant on a Monday.

To see famous people in your dream signifies an increase to your prosperity and honor.

– Increase in honor? I don’t see how being enthusiastically defiled by a famous guy in a dream can increase my honor, but please bring on the prosperity.

To see a chef in your dream, represents transformation and changes. Consider what is “cooking” in your life?

– OK, I get what this is. It’s like, the Gospel According to Captain Obvious. Should I also consider what I’m “hungry” for, dream dictionary? As far as I can see, my dream is telling me that I’m hurting for quality foreplay in my life.

Action: Doin’ it and doin’ it and doin’ it well. I represent the Saints, he was raised in, like, Jersey?

To dream about sex, may be your libido’s way of telling you that it’s been too long since you have had sex. It may indicate repressed sexual desires and your needs for physical and emotional love.

– It has been awhile….

To dream about sex with someone other than your spouse or significant other, suggests dissatisfaction with the physical side of your relationship. On the other hand, it may be harmless fantasy. In such situations, you may find that you are less inhibited sexually and you can even bring that sense of adventure to your existing relationship.

– I really am hard-up, truth be told

To dream of love or being in love, suggests intense feelings carried over from a waking relationship. It implies happiness and contentment with what you have and where you are in life. On the other hand, you may not be getting enough love in your daily life. We naturally long for the sense to belong and to be accepted.

– Aww, Ain’t it the truth.

To dream that you are making love in public or in different places, relates to some overt sexual issue or need. Your dream may be telling you that you need to express yourself more openly. Alternatively, it represents your perceptions about your own sexuality in the context of politic and social norms. You may be questioning your feelings about sex, marriage, love, and gender roles.

– OKAY, MOTHERFUCKER, I GET IT.

If you dream you are having sex with a celebrity, then it indicates your drive to be successful. Consider what movies your associate this celebrity with for clues as to where and what you want to achieve success in.

– Word. I hate my job, I want a real career I can be proud of, and a few days before this dream happened Mr. Panda and I had discussed sending me to culinary school. Damn, interpreting this dream is easier than solving a “mystery” on effing Scooby Doo.

Misc. Dream Details: The Nasty Bits

To see your neck in your dream, signifies the relationship between the mind/mental and the body/physical. It represents willpower, self-restriction and your need to control your feelings and keep them in check. Consider the familiar phrase, “don’t stick your neck out” which serves as a warning against a situation.

– OK, so the dream is partway telling me to go for what I want, but also telling me to hang back? Mixed messages!!

To see a nice and graceful throat in your dream foretells of an advancement in your position.

– Let’s hope so.

To dream that you are paranoid (there was no keyword for “gossip” or “scandal” or anything of the sort, this was closest, I guess), indicates your hesitance in moving forward in some situation or relationship. You are not ready for that major step in your life and are overcome with fear and suspicion.

– That explains the mixed messages. They’re coming from inside the house!

To dream that you or someone has a secret (sing it with me now: “Secret Loooooooverrrs!”), represents hidden power. It suggests that something needs to emerge from your unconscious.

– Gee, ya think?

To dream that you are kissing someone’s hand, signifies respect.

– Heh. What I was doing with his hand was hardly a sign of respect….

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So…. Had any good dreams lately?

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Rowr.

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