OK, so a lot of hubub has been slangin’ about re: organic stuff. Peeps are eating organic foods (which makes sense), cleaning their homes with non-toxic organic “green” housecleaning non-chemicals (kind of not really sold on this one), and the cosmetic PTB are really pushing organic products de beaute’. As much as I appreciate letting nature do it’s magic in some areas, it just seems silly to go all-natural when it comes to preserving our looks.


Ok, this fucking ad is so funny. It’s all, “Lookit ME! I’m so NATURAL! There is nothing ARTIFICIAL about me. Hell, I’m not even wearing any leather or nylon or anything processed of any kind. Fucking cotton is way too processed for me. My Earth Mother ass is so above that planet-raping crap. So I’m’a come at you like NATURE intended. That’s right, hoes, I’m NAKED. Check out my fucking LAMB. Nothing is more natural and gentle than dropping trou and getting your cuddle on with a snowy-white downey motherfucker like lil’ Andre here. You want to be like us. Buy some shit.

 Aging is a natural process (that I intend to fight with every molecule in my body), so I don’t really trust herbs and bark and completely un-tampered-with salves to help me hold back the hands of time. I mean, yeah, the secret to eternal youth could very well be housed in some fucking as-yet-undiscovered Amazonian mushroom, but who the hell knows. I’m not ready to entrust an unrefined plant root or something with the Herculean task of keeping my precious collagen all tight-like into middle age. Sorry, but compared to, like a Chamomile flower, science has muscle. Science has exhaustive testing (though hopefully not on animals, that bugs). Science has double-blind studies. Science had peer reviews. Science has BIG WORDS. (note: I realize that organic beauty products are subjected to a fair amount of testing and tampering, a lot of which probably cheapens the “organic” label quite a bit. Kind of like how Britney Spears’ collected works are so overly filtered and auto-tuned they really take liberties with the definition of “singer.” But you get my point. I like the idea of scientific advancements to anti-aging better than the idea of letting mosses and dewdrops do all the heavy lifting.*)

 Anyway, so I was reading The Cut, as I am sometimes wont to do for makeup news, and I saw a really great comment re: organic beauty.Things that make me say “word” after the jump.

 The post said:

  • According to new market research, organic beauty products haven’t caught on among American consumers. [Makeup and Beauty Blog]

  Prolific NYMag Commenter Rebeccarose2004 said:
 “No, we are not buying stupid organic effing beauty products!!

Look, when I want to buy something to make my 34 year old face look like I’m still in college, I do not give one good Goddamn shit if it’s effing “organic” or not. Like I’m going to let those hipipe morons at seventh generation help me cheat Father Time? Eff no. I don’t care if the cosmetics industry is using illegal chemicals sold to them by Al-Qaeda. I don’t care if they burn holes in the ozone, melt the ice caps and wipe out thousands of acres of rainforest. I don’t effing care if they use the blood of newborn kittens. As long as my skin is nice and “dewy”.

  Yeeeah. So she basically said what I said before the jump, only with 3x the brevity and 10x the funny. Going back to my day job now….

  *However, stay tuned for my upcoming review of an organic beauty product that I’m entirely willing to let shoulder the burden of keeping me looking good, you know, for a while at least.