So today the Verizon motherfuckers showed up to install my FIOS. And basically, it would have required major construction involving drilling holes through pristine walls all over this lovely house, from one end to the other. I only rent this house. I already feel bad for the DirectTV dish they drilled into the lovely stone of the house’s facade. I just couldn’t go ahead with it knowing my landlord would freak.

At least the guy was honest with me and said, nicely: “If the Comcast wiring is already here, in all honesty, I’d go to Comcast.” He also told me that he himself had Verizon DSL and it was a fucking nightmare, and he understood my frustration.

Crestfallen, I agreed, but I was also filled with dread, knowing it would likely be two weeks before Comcast could arrive and my DSL is constantly crapping out — I was offline almost all day today. I actually went nuts on my modem, smashing it violently against my desktop again and again when the connection crapped out right as I sent a three-page e-mail to my boss and lost it in the ether. I feared I was  in for another two weeks of hell at a period in my job where I really need to be online 24/7 for the next week or two.  Read how Comcast rode in on a white charger and saved my ass, after the jump.

Back online for about 10 seconds, I quickly e-mailed the address that lovely Mr. Comcast, who showed up in the BCP Verizon thread the other day, left for me, pleading for help. I also called Comcast immediately, and told them my tale of Verizon woe.

And wouldn’t you know it? The lovely man at the end of the line told me he’d have someone here first thing tomorrow morning! I almost wept! I actually told the man I loved him. He replied: “And we love you too, Ms. Trixie.”

A few hours later, my phone rang. And it was a lovely woman named Ms. Looper. She gave me her direct line and told me to call her if there was the slightest problem tomorrow with the installation or any other day if I ever had any issues with my Comcast connection EVER IN THE HISTORY OF ALL TIME. Once again, I almost cried. Four months of hell, of getting nowhere, of being told the problem was mine, of laughing at me when I told them I dreaded an approaching rain shower, of being told a new modem was coming tomorrow and having it never show up … and here was the bright and shiny and pretty Comcast family, cradling me to its bosom, stroking my hair and telling me I was safe now. Nothing could hurt me now.

Now don’t get me wrong. Comcast could show up tomorrow, piss on my floors, steal my fern and then subject me to the same litany of problems that Verizon did. I know many people have similar issues with Comcast. But I am going to think positively. Otherwise I will lapse into another telecommunications depression and demand my company move me back to Canada.

Mr. Comcast? Ms. Looper? Sweet, helpful guy on the phone? If you’re reading this: I LOVE YOU! I do!

p.s. As an aside, if you ever want a bitter chuckle, Google “Verizon sucks balls.” Oh it’s funny. Someone entitled a blog post “Verizon sucks goats’ balls” which really made me laugh just now.