Skinny Bone Jones here on a lovely Friday morning in Northern California. (Suck it, snow queens!) As some of you lovelies may know, Showtime will be premiering the first episode of the very last season of their popular show, The L Word, which follows the lives of shallow, mostly vapid lesbians with too much disposable income and time on their hands. God, I love this shit. It’s like crack. Plus, sometimes it’s hot (see soldier sex, pregnant lez sex and that nasty rich bitch with the bunny teeth….LOVE HER). Most lesbians I know only watch to mock it mercilessly, ripping the weak plot twists and inexcusable dialogue and Shane’s absurd hair and sex lives to shreds. Joyfully, even. It’s a unifying show, in that way.

You’ll be pleased to know that BCP’s Sugar Walls will be live-blogging the event this Sunday at 9PM EST & PST (we west coasters will just have to pick up where y’all east coasters left off!) – so pop by and join in!

In the meantime, a few of our gals weigh in on the hotly anticipated final season, with their thoughts, predictions and gripes – beware of minor spoilers (but you’ve probably already caught wind of it, anyway):

BAngieB: I watched the 1st season of The L Word and I liked it okay, but halfway through the 2nd season I realized that I was only watching it because it was a lesbian show. I didn’t like it. I thought the storyline in the 2nd season with the rapey cameras was just ridiculous, and I could not get on board with Carmen and Jenny together. Speaking of Jenny, I hate her. Does everybody hate her? Is that the point of her on the show? I don’t even know. I also can’t stand Kit. I was really uncomfortable with her relationship with Ivan – not the Ivan character, but the way Kit related to him. It seemed disingenuous. Even though I know that lesbians are known to switch partners a lot, I feel like it’s all just too incestuous with this group. Now don’t get me wrong, I love watching Shane sex up all the ladies (she could even sex me up if she wanted), but that’s about it.

Maybe my problem is that I don’t relate to anyone on the show…the world portrayed is completely foreign to me. Maybe it’s that I’m old. I don’t know. In summary, I have no idea what’s going on, but AYL has tried to catch me up and I know I have to watch it this season, because she will be. We’ll see if I like it any better and, yeah, Alexandra Hedison is hot.

AYL: I am SO FUCKING excited for the 6th and final season of The L Word, words cannot describe. It’s like stockings at Christmas: you open all your presents and are left in an endless over-abundance of wrapping paper, with no more presents to devour…but then it hits you! OH YEAH, I STILL HAVE MY STOCKING TO GO THROUGH. (Wait, you do the stockings last? We totally do them first! -SBJ) Oh yeah, the 6th season of The L Word starts on Sunday! Of friggin’ course, they ended the 5th season with a real cliff hanger – annoying whiney-ass Jenny caught Shane going down on her annoying whiney-ass girlfriend, Nikki the actress. Oh no! Shane’s her best friend! WAH. CRY. YOU BROKE MY HEART. So the start of the 6th season will no doubt address that, and I love watching Jenny throw hissy “you beyond betrayed me” fits, reminiscent of her 2nd season flip-out on her pervert male roommate who put hidden “rapey” cameras all over the house.

Anyway, this season – according to a Showtime special “Who Killed Jenny Schecter?” – Jenny is apparently going to bite the dust in the first episode, resulting in a culmination of flashbacks that will be the 6th season. I’m interested in seeing that twist, but at the same time it’s like, really? A murder mystery? She probably just killed herself during a writing frenzy induced by some carnival flashback or circus fantasy. Mystery solved.

Now onto the real mystery: Why can’t Bette just put eyeglasses on her never-ending wandering eye. LOVE THE ONE YOU’RE WITH, BETTE. Damn. Oh, and on that note, Elizabeth “Jesse Spano” Berkeley will be guest-starring this season as possible eye-wanderer candy for Bette. Lame. BUT BUT BUT, I have shamefully been watching preview episode scenes on youtube and have seen a scene or two including Dylan (played by Alexandra Hedison), Helena’s love interest turned bad from season 3. I’m so excited! Hedison is super beautiful, hot, intelligent, and even though her character was a scheming asshole, I forgive her because she’s Dylan and if I was Helena I’d forgive her and lock myself up at her pad and watch her lame documentaries all day. Do you guys watch the show? Do you have any idea what I’m even talking about? Ugh. If you have showtime, you NEED to watch the premiere this Sunday. I can’t even form complete thoughts about it, I’m so excited. Aw, I’m such a baby dyke.

Watch the Who Killed Jenny Schecter sneak peek here:

BCW: Oh, I just don’t know how to feel. It’s January, which means winter has officially got me by the balls, spring still isn’t in sight, and it has been with reluctant-yet-heartfelt anticipation that I’ve been awaiting the new season of The L Word. What else, I ask you, can keep us so warm with the fires of indignation through winter’s cold, dark nights? Only eight episodes this time though, which, if Showtime’s pre-season teasers are any indication, might be more of a blessing than a curse. (PS. Thanks, Showtime, for finally making your site available to Canadian IP addresses!)

***MULTIPLE SPOILER ALERT! Don’t read on if you don’t want to know the things that Showtime has already released for your consumption!***

So this season I finally get my wish, and Jenny dies. Even better is that she dies in a pool – Bette’s pool – and Ilene Chaiken seems to think that the suspension of disbelief to which we CLEAVE in The L Word world is enough to make us believe that one of the other characters actually planned and executed it. Come the fuck on, Ilene. Apparently, the shit goes down in the first episode and the rest of the season is flashbacks, leading us to the show’s conclusion wherein one character gets fingered (GET IT?). I have a pretty good idea of who that’s going to be, based on some new shit that has come to light, but I won’t say anything.

Regardless, I have a hard time thinking that this even-a-bit-out-there-by-Ilene-standards plot twist is anything but but a great big (and classic) Chaiken jerk-off: The show kicked off when Jenny (largely understood to be based on Ilene herself) moved to queertown with her boy, saw Shane jump into a pool naked and then spiralled into her Plath-soaked, circus-freak lesbomonde, taking us all down (GET IT?) with her. And now the show is coming “full circle” (GET IT?)(Ooh! Like a circle jerk? – SBJ) with her death, and the entire series finale is going to revolve around this totally implausible whodunit which to me is just one more way that Ilene Chaiken is asserting her position as the centre of The L Word universe: its raison-d’etre, birthmother, hack writer, and blood-moon-goddess. The show will begin and end with Jenny, which takes all the FUN out of her DEATH for me, Chaiken. It really does. If you wanted to give your fans a present for the final season, maybe you could have just let Angela Robinson do the heavy lifting, and spent the summer at the Vancouver Aquarium or something. I hear they have manatees there.

And can we talk about Shenny? I hate that name but I can deal with it: What I can NOT deal with is the egregious character betrayal that is the pairing of Jenny and Shane in some kind of pathological, imbalanced relationship. The fact that those two never hooked up was one of the things I respected about this show: its ability to show these two starkly different characters able to maintain a solid, believable friendship, largely based on Shane’s rock-like friend qualities. And now they’re hooking up? And Jenny like, OWNS Shane? Fuck that noise. Even IF it’ll make for hot sex scenes, my heart’s just not in it.  

That said, I look forward to this final season with a mixture of grief and acceptance: it’s going to be a sad day when the queer lady community and friends no longer have something to watch and mock; this show really ties the proverbial room together, you know? But maybe, just maybe, some funny, creative, smart people out there, who maybe also spent the last six years mocking the shit out of this show, will come up with something even BETTER to fill the void. Because while you may have started this, Ilene Chaiken, you and your BFF Jenny Schecter are not going to finish it. This is only the beginning. I hope Carmen comes back and kills Jenny. And then gets naked.