I know how to live. I spent part of my Friday night in a live chat with a faceless Bank of America representative. It got kind of funny.
Lucia: Hello, I specialize in assisting with new personal credit card applications. How may I assist you today?
Trixie: Hello, I have been approved for a credit card with another bank, not a secured VISA but a regular VISA. When I close my secured VISA account with Bank of America, when do I get my $500 security deposit back?
Lucia: Thank you for being a valued Bank of America customer! This generally takes up to 14 business days.
Trixie: I’d be staying if you’d actually give me a real credit card.
Lucia: May I ask, how long you have had your secured card?
Trixie: Two months.
Lucia: Keep in mind, after having the Secured Card for nine months, we can review your account for an unsecured card. If your card is changed to an unsecured card, then you will receive your deposit back.
Trixie: Here’s the thing, Lucia. May I call you Lucia? I’m Trixie, by the way.
Lucia: Hello Trixie! What a lovely name.
Trixie: Not so much, really, but anyway. I am a Canadian who was transferred here for work. I make good money, I own a home in Canada and I have a pristine credit rating. But no one will give me a credit card because I have no American credit rating. Yet one bank, The Commerce Bank, has a program for Canadians like me — there are lots of us!! — and uses our Canadian credit rating. It’s because they are a Canadian-owned bank. Hooray Canada!
Lucia: I see. Hooray Canada indeed.
Trixie: I would be happy to stick with Bank of America but I need a real credit card. It’s insulting!
Lucia: And I would love for us to give you one as well. However, these are our guidelines. I sincerely apologize for the inconvenience.
Trixie: You should let Bank of America know that they should ponder a program like that! They just deal with an established Canadian credit agency and get all the information they need. Remember, Lucia, our banking system is the best in the world while yours is in the toilet! We are very safe customers!
Trixie: Let them know that The Commerce Bank is getting business from them. Lots of Canadians get transferred to the U.S. to work.
Lucia: Yes, I believe this is a great program and I hope Bank of America will look at something like this in the future :)
Trixie: And we want to take out mortgages and lines of credit too! Big money, safe customers for the Bank of America! Everyone wins!
Trixie: OK, thanks again. Have a lovely evening. You were very helpful, and I appreciate it. I love America in all other ways!
Lucia: You’re very welcome. I enjoyed chatting with you this evening!
Is there anything else I can help you with today?
Trixie: Me too, Lucia. No thanks! I hope to return to the Bank of America one day when they appreciate that Canada RULES!
Lucia: I have never been but I hear it’s lovely and the people are obviously very friendly. My pleasure to help you today! I always strive for excellent service results! I hope you were delighted with my service today. To exit this chat session, please click the close button. Thank you for choosing Bank of America!
Trixie: I don’t mean we’re going to take over or anything, though, Lucia. We just want credit cards. That’s all, just credit cards! We want to stimulate your economy! And you, Lucia — you could really impress your superiors with this Commerce Bank information! I predict a promotion. Go for it!!!
Lucia: This chat has made my day. Thanks, Trixie. I hope you get a credit card soon.