So ever since we moved here, there has been an orange and white cat who just strolls right in the house whenever he feels like it via the door from the back verandah which is easily pushed open when unlocked. My male cat, Patrick, despises him with the heat of a thousand suns. I’m not enamored of him either — there’s something cocky and rat-like about him. Patrick and Orangey have scrapped loudly out in the backyard as I have cheered Patrick on, and I myself have had to chase Orangey out of the house with a broom. I just assumed my female cat, Charlotte, felt the same way about Orangey as Patrick and I do. Find out the sordid truth after the jump!

Today I was out running errands and left the back verandah door open because my neighbor was in her backyard doing gardening and said she’d keep an eye on things, and the cats were out and it looked like it was about to pour. Sure enough, it did. When I came home, both cats were inside and my neighbor had shut the door behind them. As I was soon to discover, Orangey too was in the house!

I heard the growling starting and went upstairs to see Patrick staring him down in the upstairs hallway. I yelled and shouted and chicken-shit Orangey ran into the linen closet and under a little dresser in there. I realized I’d have to wait it out but figured Patrick would station himself outside the closet and angrily herd that bastard Orangey out of his house.

Instead, Patrick came downstairs 20 minutes later looking hurt and dejected and meowed forlornly to go out. I swore at him, calling him a pussy for not getting Orangey out of here, bitter that I would clearly have to do it myself.

I went upstairs and entered the linen closet, ready to haul Orangey out by his tail and kick him out. But what do I find? Orangey, all content and happily sleeping among the linens right next to Charlotte, that traitorous, cheating tortoiseshell whore!!!

“So that’s what this is all about!!!” I exclaimed.

Charlotte has been carrying on with Orangey! Which is why Patrick hates him so much! Either that, or Charlotte has taken up with Orangey knowing full well that Patrick hates his stinking guts. Orangey has moved in on his enemy’s woman, and the whore let him!!!!

And now I will play devil’s advocate. Perhaps Patrick had it coming. Charlotte is a loving cat who desperately seeks his affection, but he won’t even let her clean his ears — he swats her away and occasionally hisses at her. Perhaps she has found the kind of love with Orangey that she was lacking with Patrick?

The photo above was taken about an hour after Orangey snuck out of here on his own volition and Charlotte joined Patrick outside. Look at how she’s trying to suck up to him there, and how he’s giving her the cold shoulder.

This entire kitty-cat drama is a total replica of my first marriage, by the way.