1. Why don’t they have nail salons and/or massage people in airports? Can you imagine the killing to be made? How many times have you sat for hours in an airport as yet another flight is delayed? Imagine if you could just skip off to a nail salon right in the departure lounge for a quick mani-pedi? Or get a real massage, half-naked with oil while lying down in a darkened room with Enya playing, none of this clothed massage chair shit next to the moving sidewalk and the shoe-shiners. Can you imagine how many people would go for that, man, woman and children? The places would be packed, stress would be relieved, and something you often can’t find time to do gets done. All manner of waxings should also be offered at the airport nail salons as well for those heading somewhere for booty calls. I want this to happen. Airport people, make it so.
2. Why are there stickers on every piece of fruit? What are the purpose of the stickers? Is it a pricing thing? An accounting thing? Who puts the stickers on the fruit, the growers or the store? The stickers always look the same, no matter where you buy the fruit, so what the hell? And why are so many of them so difficult to remove from the fruit? Do they want us to eat paper?
3. What is with my cat? He was meowing constantly for food, and yet when I emptied the can and put it in front of him, he turned up his nose in disdain and walked away, yet continued to meow incessantly because he was still hungry. And so I changed the brand, and now he gobbles it up, and so meows all the time for more. I cannot win. He either meows because he doesn’t like it and/or is still hungry, or he meows because he loves it so much he wants more. SHUT UP!!!
4. Why do people talk so much? Yesterday at the hair salon a guy held up the line regaling the front desk woman with the fascinating details of his latest rotator cuff injury even as she was clearly giving off every possible “Fuckhead, I don’t care, there are people waiting in line behind you” bitchface vibe. I wanted to drop-kick him. Then, the stylist working on a poor woman beside me would not stop yammering about her new dog when her client clearly did not want to talk. Why are people unable to read body language? If they are yapping away to someone with crossed arms who won’t look them in the eye and barely responds to anything they’re saying, is that not a sign to shut the fuck up?